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John Willey

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From A Dad Who Supports Breastfeeding: My Boys Will Be Boob Men

Posted: 02/ 2/2012 3:00 pm

Every now and then I get sucked into these online arguments over a woman's right to breastfeed in public. It really amazes me that in this day and age this is an issue. I don't understand how people could be so closed-minded about this, it's a woman feeding her child, that's it. If it is seen as anything else, that's YOUR problem.

My friend Scott, a fellow dd blogger down in Georgia, has been championing women's rights for some time. I first came in contact with him when the whole Forest Park, Georgia breastfeeding ban was being proposed. He was adamant that day and he has not let up since on his stance that women should be allowed to breastfeed their children pretty much anywhere that they need to.

Well it hasn't stopped since. It seems not a day goes by that I don't see a tweet from him slamming someone that has said something ignorant about a woman breastfeeding. I'll give you an example of the idiocy.

Yeah really!

It seems that her child was hungry, how dare he want to eat something. If you were to follow this particular idiot's Twitter stream, she went on to say that public bathrooms are there for a reason, and that the mom should use it to feed her child.

My response?

I think that if this person is so offended, she should get up and go eat her popcorn in the comfort of the theater's bathroom. I mean, why on Earth should ANYONE be forced to sit on a toilet and feed their child? I will say it again -- that mother is feeding her child, just like anyone else that feeds their children chicken nuggets or pizza. If you have such a problem with it, MOVE. I am sure that mother would be more than happy to not have YOU sitting next to her anyway.

Now it doesn't stop with movie theaters, you can find people everywhere that have an issue with breastfeeding. I am sure in this case the mother didn't want to be feeding her child in church but when they're hungry, they're hungry. It's not unlike my boys who constantly ask for snacks and won't stop begging me until I give in. I would ask this person if they would have an issue with me offering my child a cheese stick in church. There really is no difference. I am satisfying my child's need to feed. How dare I do such a thing? Another issue I have with this is, what the hell are you doing tweeting in church? Shut your phone off and get to the business at hand. I am sure there are more people upset with you interrupting God's work by tweeting on your phone, than are upset about the bond between a mother and child.

Shocking that a mother would feed her kids at the Grocery Store, I know. After all that is where you buy food and all. I would ask this semi-famous NASCAR driver if it was OK for a mom to pull a candy bar off the shelf and give it to their child, it's no different, except that feeding the child breast milk is WAY more nutritious. What I can't believe is that he would buy himself a six pack of Budweiser? Has he no shame? I just lost my appetite.

Why do moms do it? Why don't they just let their kids starve? Why won't a mother just let her kid scream uncontrollably when she knows that her child is hungry? It makes no sense to me. How dare THAT mom want to offer her child the food that they need? I would ask Justin if he has ever eaten a sandwich or chomped on a granola bar in the park. It's no different.

I am sure that most breastfeeding mothers are as discreet as possible when they feed their children. I know my wife was. Do you really think that mothers want to walk around with their boobs hanging out all over the place? I would have to think that they don't. It can't be comfortable for them knowing that there are such ignorant people in this world that would question what they are doing. I would say instead of being disgusted by what a breastfeeding mother is doing, tell her how awesome she is for feeding her child.

My boys will grow up in a world where women feed their babies however they want to. If that means a bottle in the comfort of their living room or a breast on a crowded subway, it shouldn't matter.

I want my boys to be boob men, just like their old man.*

*I like nice eyes too

This post originally appeared on Daddysincharge.com.

 

Follow John Willey on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DaddysinCharge

Every now and then I get sucked into these online arguments over a woman's right to breastfeed in public. It really amazes me that in this day and age this is an issue. I don't understand how people c...
Every now and then I get sucked into these online arguments over a woman's right to breastfeed in public. It really amazes me that in this day and age this is an issue. I don't understand how people c...
 
 
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05:55 PM on 03/14/2012
http://screen.yahoo.com/junk-pump-2000-28567001.html

This video was hilarious and speaks to this issue!
05:50 PM on 03/14/2012
Just try this new product to give the breastfeeding mom a rest!
http://screen.yahoo.com/junk-pump-2000-28567001.html
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Old Cav Trooper
Educated enough to realize how ignorant I am
05:23 PM on 02/09/2012
I think people object because it reminds them that "we aint nothin but mammals".
05:02 PM on 02/09/2012
Way to go for sticking up for breastfeeding moms! Love this post!
07:16 PM on 02/08/2012
It seems that the author's main point is that babies are entitled to drink breast milk when and where they want it. This problem was solved over 100 years ago with the invention of the breast pump. There is no need to whip out a breast in public. The bottom line is a significant portion of the public finds this behavior objectionable, and if a mother is going to insist upon breastfeeding away from home, it should be done as privately and discreetly as possible.
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Jamie Zupo
my babies ate my brains
09:47 PM on 02/08/2012
A breast pump is not a solution. Pumped milk introduces risk in the form of contamination, spoilage, etc. And if people are icky about bodily fluids, I submit that a container of expressed milk has a far greater chance of leaking and getting where it isn't wanted.

None of these risks are significant, but they are rendered moot by simply feeding the baby.

16000 children will die tomorrow from hunger. Only in the US would it ever be inappropriate to feed a baby.
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RoseOC
10:36 PM on 02/08/2012
Pumped milk also loses some of the nutritional value that it has originally.
11:01 PM on 02/08/2012
Any risk associated with bottled breast milk is COMPLETELY manageable in this day and age. This is the preferred method of families that have humility and a respect for their fellow public. In other words, women that think there is no need for privacy when letting a baby suckle on a bare nipple are a small minority of post-partum women. I don't buy the "it's natural" argument because taking a baby to a movie theater, restaurant, grocery store, etc. is not natural. What is natural is for a mom to keep the baby at home in a safe, quiet, controlled environment. If a mom choses to take the baby out of this natural environment, that is her decision to make, but she must concede that social rules created by the general public are going to be at play IN PUBLIC.

The problem people have with public breastfeeding has nothing to do with being weirded out by bodily fluids. People don't like to see a grown woman pull a breast out of her shirt to let a baby go to town on it. It's really that simple. Your point about whether or not a bottle is more likely to make a mess is, frankly, ridiculous.

Regarding your last point, if a baby in this country is dying from starvation, breastfeeding in public is really a non-issue. Even if a mom chose not to breastfeed outside the home, a baby is not ever going to be anywhere close to starving.
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RoseOC
10:35 PM on 02/08/2012
Why is it objectionable?
11:06 PM on 02/08/2012
It doesn't matter. Society dictates what is and what is not appropriate behavior in public places. Here in America, society has dictated that breastfeeding in view of the general public is inappropriate. It is important to keep in mind that most mothers abide by this social convention. Public breastfeeding is NOT a common behavior.
12:18 PM on 02/08/2012
I'm of the opinion that breastfeeding shouldn't be allowed in places where eating isn't also allowed. For example, the church. I just think it's so disrespectful to the preacher and it's asking these places to make exceptions just because you're a woman with a baby. If I become absolutely starving during something like a service or a wake, I would excuse myself, eat something quickly, and come back. I would do the same thing if I had a baby. And I'm sorry, but I would expect the same from other mothers as well because to me, it's not a matter of exercising your rights, it's a matter of showing the proper courtesy and respect for the situation at hand.
08:49 AM on 02/12/2012
Meh. Twitter is public. If she posted it, she should be more than open to any criticism she receives. The interwebs never forget and things will always be traceable. Perhaps "your friend" should consider the consequences and think before posting?
05:45 PM on 02/12/2012
I think you're replying to the wrong comment.
01:41 PM on 03/08/2012
I've nursed in church, quietly and discreetly, without ever disrupting the service.
Now if my baby's screaming and crying, then yes, I'd take her to another room so I can nurse her quietly. Most churches even provide a room for this.
10:34 AM on 02/08/2012
It's funny to me that non of my comment are being accepted because I was offering a counter argument. Are you sure it's legal to post a print screen of my friends Twitter and not black out her name, causing her to be harassed?
01:35 PM on 02/13/2012
Meh. Twitter is public. If she posted it, she should be more than open to any criticism she receives. The interwebs never forget and things will always be traceable. Perhaps "your friend" should consider the consequenc­es and think before posting?
09:38 AM on 02/08/2012
I'm absolutely for women to be able to breastfeed in public. Feed the hungry baby. The mom shouldn't have to take her baby to a public bathroom that most likely doesn't have an area for her to feed in other than an individual stall (yuck).

What I am against is the lack of discreteness. I don't want to see breasts practically falling out of a tiny tanktop (or a miniskirt where I can see your panties, low jeans with your crack peeking out) so I equally don't want to see breasts exposed to feed an infant. Just use a nursing cover up, baby blanket or even a sweater and then it's a non issue. A friend of mine used to wear a cardigan all the time after she had her little boy and it worked perfectly for a bit of extra coverage when she needed to feed him on the go.

I feel bad for mothers when I see them at the mall trying to juggle their baby while keeping an eye on their purse, shopping bags, etc. I've seen "powder room" setups at upmarket department stores which seem to originally be built to provide an area for women to put on makeup outside of the toilet area. Why not use that approach but have a corner sofa for nursing moms? The mom and baby could be comfortable and wouldn't have to be as worried about her valuables.

And no, I don't hate breasts. How could I, I have them!
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Jamie Zupo
my babies ate my brains
05:03 PM on 02/08/2012
Most moms are discreet, and harassment happens anyway. For some people, it's not about the amount of skin exposed, but the activity of nursing, period. It's discriminatory.

I absolutely agree that it can be a pain to manage a nursing baby, wandering toddler, and all of my belongings while trying not to flash the grocery store. Which is why I don't do it unless I NEED to. Compassion is more helpful than criticism.
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bluespagan
Love is the Law, Love under Will
09:29 AM on 02/08/2012
I nursed in public a few times without a cover. People walked by and smiled, oblivious to what I was in fact doing since to the outsiders It looked like I was holding a sleeping baby. No big breast exposure or anything. I always find it funny that people are disgusted by breastfeeding but not when some young twenty year old girl walks by in a low cut shirt and short shorts, exposing much more than my breastfeeding baby ever did.
09:40 PM on 02/07/2012
Talk about missing the point: The people offended by women breastfeeding has nothing to do with "feeding" a child. Would the people be offended if the women pulled out a bottle and fed their child? Of course not. Remember, Mr. Willey, the hoopla surrounding the "wardrobe malfunction" at the Superbowl halftime show? The issue has everything to do with bringing out a woman's breast in public. For whatever reason, we still have an issue with exposed breasts. Personally, I do not. I'm just using the royal "we." It's still a crime in most states. So, Mr. Willey, you are advocating a woman committing a crime for her and her child's convenience instead of walking 42 steps to the restroom. Or, women can "express" their breast milk in the comfort of their homes and feed them the bottle when they are in public.
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Jamie Zupo
my babies ate my brains
10:48 PM on 02/07/2012
Are you really a lawyer?

Most States protect breastfeeding, or exempt it from public indecency laws. Only three do not.

http://www.nursingfreedom.org/p/state-breastfeeding-laws.html

Breastfeeding in public, in the vast majority of states, does not break the law.
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Jamie Zupo
my babies ate my brains
10:57 PM on 02/07/2012
Nope -- breastfeeding is legally protected in 44 States, and exempted from public indecency laws in three more. In only three States is it not specifically legal to expose a breast to feed your child in public.

In addition, breastfeeding is legally protected on all Federal property where a mother and her child are permitted to be.
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VA Jill
I'm not perfect and neither are you
01:32 PM on 02/07/2012
If people think breastfeeding is "gross" or "nasty" then are the ones with the problem. As for Kasey Kahne, my message to him and all the men out there like him is : My breasts do not exist for YOUR enjoyment. My breasts are MINE and I will use them for the purpose God intended. Get a life.
10:35 PM on 02/06/2012
for those that say "why don't you just feed the baby at home before you go out?" FYI - not all babies feed on a schedule. nor should they. a baby is hungry when they are hungry. period. and if they are bottlefed should a mother withhold a bottle simply b/c they are in a store and someone might not want to see them sucking on a bottle? people are close minded to breastfeeding in public b/c they are embarrased of themselves, uncomfortable with themselves, and/or turn it into a sexual matter that it is not. YOU are the problem. not the mother and not the baby that NEEDS to eat. telling a mother to feed in a public bathroom?? do you want to eat your lunch on the crapper? think about it.
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Jamie Zupo
my babies ate my brains
08:09 PM on 02/06/2012
Look folks, if you support breastfeeding and you understand the smallest thing about babies, then you shouldn't have a problem with breastfeeding in public. If you don't have a problem with breastfeeding in public, then you shouldn't have a problem with mothers getting angry for being unable to care for their infants outside of their homes, nor for mothers getting angry over their basic parenting, their provision of their child with nourishment, being called disgusting, immodest, exploitative and compared to defecation.

I *am* sorry that a couple of generations of Americans are so unused to seeing nursing babies that they get uncomfortable. It's a shame. Most nursing mothers attempt as much discretion as they can while in public. But even with a full cover, some mothers get harassed and ejected from places where they are legally allowed to be, with their children. This is unfair, and discriminatory.

If you really support breastfeeding, you understand why we're angry.
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RoseOC
01:39 AM on 02/07/2012
Legoland in Florida just had to apologize to a nursing mom for asking her to nurse elsewhere while she watched her other children play. They said it was not their policy and the employee made a mistake.
12:46 PM on 02/06/2012
One time I breastfed in public completely covered by a nursing cover. You could only see my baby's feet sticking out from under the cover. I got eye rolls and disgusted stares even though there was a woman sitting near me in a spaghetti strap tank top with her (obvious) fake breasts popping out of the top. So I didn't want to hear that it was all about the possibility of seeing one of my breasts.

I don't get why it's labeled as disgusting. It's not accurate to compare it to urinating in public because breastfeeding is not a health or sanitation hazard. Breastfeeding is in a class of its own so it is not fair to compare it to other bodily functions.
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RoseOC
01:39 AM on 02/07/2012
It's those little feet, I tell ya! People get all incensed seeing those little baby feet. :-)
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heboprotagonist
Put your good where it does the most. -Wavy Gravy
11:06 AM on 02/06/2012
I am not disgusted nor am I offended by breastfeeding.

However, I am disgusted by Nurse-ins. If the goal of this "movement" is to normalize breastfeeding, staging such events are counterproductive.

There is absolutely nothing normal about 50-100 moms using their infant children as pawns in a public demonstration. The only result from such demonstrations can be to force a reaction on unsuspecting citizens. Shouldn't the goal of the movement be that breastfeeding elicits zero reaction?

If these mothers truly want to change the perception of breastfeeding in the US they'd be wise to simply continue breastfeeding in public as if it IS NORMAL. Making a spectacle of themselves works against their stated goals.
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Jamie Zupo
my babies ate my brains
12:04 PM on 02/06/2012
Are you against sit-ins in general? Does civil disobedience bother you?

What if this isn't about the mother's right to nurse, but the baby's right to feed? I think most (if not all) babies would vociferously demand their right to be full and content. But unable to form words or arrange transportation to demonstrations, their mothers must chaperone.
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heboprotagonist
Put your good where it does the most. -Wavy Gravy
06:53 PM on 02/06/2012
This isn't civil disobedience, this is exploitation.
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mchcallow
Don't trip on my bio- it's safe
01:16 PM on 02/06/2012
Making a spectackle is exactly the point. These groups don't just crop up and pick sites at random. They appear in locations that either have policies that make breatfeeding atypical or they fail to respond empathically to the complaints raised by the types of folk the article points out.

The spectacle draws attention to the ridiculousness of the folk who cry foul when they see a mother feeding her child. Often times, the mother has her breast and the child covered with a cloth but some folk still complain.

The folk that feel so disgused by breast feeding need to find something to do...
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heboprotagonist
Put your good where it does the most. -Wavy Gravy
06:54 PM on 02/06/2012
The mothers should find something better to do, like plan their days in a way that don't exploit their children.