It's primary season and the democratic party is a house divided. Bernie bros on one side of the room and the Hill-heads on the other.
It seems like all you have to do is hashtag something #FeelTheBern to invoke an onslaught of angry Hillary supporters shouting "sexist!" and "pant suits are rad!" when the truth of the matter is you don't really have anything against Hillary's gender. Hell, you might even like a good pant suit.
So what's a Bernie supporter to do? Well, lucky for you I've devised 10 fool-proof lines to give in support of Bernie that might put the angry mob at ease.
•My support of Bernie has nothing to do with gender! If Hillary had the exact same words coming out her mouth as Bernie, based on foreign policy experience, I'd support her. But like, she doesn't have the same words coming out of her mouth, so....
•Bernie reminds me of my Grandpa, and my Grandpa is dead, and I really miss him.
•Bernie is a man of the people! Hillary's taken campaign money from the biggest corporations on the planet and I'm not down with that because I hate corporations... unless I need something from one.
•Hillary hired a former Monsanto lobbyist as her campaign manager. Monsanto makes all that frankenfood that's killing us. Pretty gross right?
•Bernie has a history of sticking to his guns on issues. He's supported gay marriage from the start and she's just now come around to it. Why did she hate gay people for so long?
•Bernie is for total legalization of weed. I love weed. Hillary is kinda like "meh, I don't think it's a huge deal but still..."
•Hillary accepted $1.7 million from American Express. I hate those people. I went 3 months without paying and now I get hella phone calls. Rude.
•I can relate to Bernie more because he's only worth $330,000 bucks. I mean, that's way more than me but Hillary is worth $21.5 million bucks. I don't even know what we would talk about over beers.
•Bernie took has ZERO super PAC donors. Hillary has way more. So many more that I got tired of counting when doing the research.
•I have family in Vermont. Really nice people from there.
That should elevate some of the heat from your aggressive #FeelTheBern'ing. But more than anything, get out and vote. Vote for whoever lines up with your personal viewpoint, but please vote.
Just not for Trump ... or Cruz ... or Rubio ... or any republican for that matter.