Suck it, Canada Geese

My college campus was filled with geese and their subsequent droppings. One couldn't take a step anywhere without stepping into their business or, at the very least, getting cackled at. Years after graduation, when I was a local news reporter, I'd often cover stories about how municipalities were trying to get rid of the animals by purchasing fake dead geese (to scare off the flock) so their beautifully-kept parks could be goose poop-free. Specialized dogs were also "hired" to bark the pests away. Nothing worked. Poop remained.

Keeping up with this theme, my current residence has a lovely beach area walking distance away. I don't bother. The vile geese have followed me here, leaving their mark all over the sand. The beachfront is a lovely perk, but the obstacle course to get there isn't worth the tan.

To cut to the chase, geese -- specifically Canada Geese -- are terrible, mean-spirited birds that need to fly far, far away as soon as possible. They scream at you for no reason, crap anywhere they see fit, and as evidenced yesterday - have no qualms about taking a plane down. Pilot Chesley Sullenberger miraculously landed US Airways Airbus 320 safely in the Hudson, but the birds created a nightmare for its passengers and the outcome could've been far worse. Personally, worst of all, these filthy animals have given my wife yet another reason to fear flying. There goes that Italy trip. Thanks, geese.

Whether it's annoying me or endangering the lives of others, something needs to be done about these geese. To poop is one thing, a terrorist attack is another. With their V-shaped formation suicide mission yesterday, President George W. Bush needs to act immediately against these Weapons of Ass Destruction. With only 3 ½ days in office left, he might not have enough time but at the very least, he needs to smoke them out. It shouldn't be difficult. They're often seen - everywhere.

If the current Commander-in-Chief can't lead, the new regime needs to set priority Tuesday and -- to take an old line from Sinead O'Connor -- "fight the real enemy." President-Elect Obama take note: these fowl creatures from the north need to go back where they came from or we'll use excessive force to drive them out.

Geese come here season-to-season with an agenda: cackle loud and poop anywhere. They eat our grass, they mate in front of us (get a room), and just because they're susceptible to arctic temperatures and waters (they were yesterday anyway), they think they're untouchable. We have a chance to let them know they're not.

Look, a lot of good things have come out of Canada. I enjoy a nice Anne Murray tune every now and then and believe Rick Moranis should be enshrined somewhere. I'm even told hockey is exciting to watch, but the geese have gone too far. Either they behave like normal citizens or get the hell out of here. Why not follow the example pigeons have set?

Those birds, pests as well no doubt, migrated here ions ago, but they at least know their place. They'll crap wherever they want, but at least, they realize just how dirty and irritating they are. All they do is bob their head (as if to say "look, we know we're gross") and often keep to themselves or simply fly away (a foot stomp usually works.) Not geese. They think their crap don't stink.

We have enough battles on our hands, let's first issue a warning , suggest some solutions (goose port-a-potties could help the cause as could specialized fly zones), and if that doesn't work, we can take action. I'd bet Chuck Norris would love to kick some goose ass. Let's hope it doesn't come to that. We don't need to enter into another mindless war.

Comments

[alexandrovich]

Isn't blaming the Canada geese like blaming Canada for those bitter cold fronts which sweep in from the north?
Birds don't have nationalities or passports.
Blaming these birds does not get to the heart of the problem.

[fusionfan]

Well, I've said this on another thread. Since this does appear to be such a big problem, and since there are ways of repelling geese, I think the airlines are somewhat negligent in not taking measures to repel geese away from airliners during takeoffs and landings.

I read that there are plans afoot to protect airliners against insurgent-fired missiles. But it seems like the likelihood of an airliner running into a flock of geese is much greater. The technology I've seen is acoustic - either a high pitched sound, or sounds of scared geese, etc. This could be broadcast in front of planes during takeoffs and landings so that any geese in the flight path would get the F out of the way.

Right now if a pilot sees a flock in front of the plane, he/she has no options. A plus is, once a goose has been exposed to either a loud sound or a distressed call from an airplane, they will associate planes with a bad experience, and would tend to fly away, instead of ignoring them when their paths cross.

[tangie]

Get revenge. Have a goose for dinner--and not as the guest.

[marignymitch]

The birds aren't at fault. They were there first. LaGuardia was built smackdab in the middle of wetlands--their habitat. So lets stop the bird kill before it gets started.

[vigwig]

So geese annoy you and they poop. Big deal. At least they're not wrecking the planet like the overpopulating humans that are destroying habitat, sucking up resources, polluting the air and not giving a crap.

[Jon Chattman - Huffpost Blogger]

Good point :)

[Heavenhound]

Very witty and all, but it hasn't yet been determined that the avian terrorists responsible for this event were in fact Canada geese. Not saying they couldn't have been, but let's remember that the engines haven't even been brought up from the bottom of the Hudson. Once that happens, I imagine the NTSB will be able to figure out whether they were Canada geese or pterodactyls or suicidal ruby-throated hummingbirds with itsy-bitsy bombs strapped onto them. I'm no huge fan of Canada geese, but the fact that this formerly migratory species is around the Northeast at all in midwinter is due to the proliferation of our own species, which produces enough garbage to feed them during the winter, and has moderated the climate sufficiently that the geese--no dummies--have figured out that they don't have to make that long trip south anymore.

[Shannon Dunn]

I hate those birds, too. And they seem to hate me. Anytime I see them they chase and try to attack me. It's terrifying. And they are soooo disgusting.

[jake106]

Those birds hate every living thing on the planet, including themselves. They are the meanest creature I've ever met, and since they are so large it is scary as hell when they are mad at you.

[smacklooshis]

As a Canadian, my honest-to-God first reaction was shame that the birds responsible for the crash were Canadian. But please, I deplore you - take no action! The migration of the geese allows us Canadians to leave our houses and enjoy our parks without the Wells-like fear of the geese descending upon us like Morlocks.

[Rotcod]

I'm with ya, man. Ask my wife how much I despise them. I like cockroaches more than them.