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Be Less Stupid: 5 Sex Urban Legends Investigated

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Regardless of your ethnicity, cultural background, socio-economic status or religion, there's one thing that everyone the world over agrees on. Humans were put on this earth to make fun of things that suck and people who are different. Sorry, that's what everyone who writes comments on YouTube believes.

Anyway, we all agree that humans are meant to procreate. And except in unique circumstances, procreating requires men and women to have sex. However, the specifics of sex... well, that's been the cause for much hand wringing, consternation, argument and I believe World War I, which began as the result of a disagreement in price between Arch Duke Ferdinand and an ill-tempered French courtesan . Also, I might be wrong about that last part.

Anyway...

Because talking about sex is so often frowned upon, especially at Thanksgiving dinner with your wife's mother, myths, mysteries, half truths and lies continue to infect popular discourse. Here now, we investigate 5 sex urban legends and reveal the facts, so you'll be less stupid.

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Urban Legend #1: Look at the photo above. It's the same woman in three different colored outfits. Pick the photo you think is the sexiest.

**********DO NOT KEEP READING UNTIL YOU MAKE YOUR CHOICE**********

Did you pick the red outfit? Red is the one most people choose. According to the latest scientific research, the color red makes people think more about sex. Think about it. Valentine's Day. A "Red Light District." Rudolph consistently voted Santa's sexiest reindeer. It's not a coincidence. You can find the research, here.

You owe me one, cause now you're a little less stupid.

Urban Legend #2: The average length of an erect penis is 8, 9, 10 inches, or so say, well, guys. But, what's the truth? Go ahead, in your mind, decide what you think is the average length of an erect penis.

**********DO NOT KEEP READING UNTIL YOU'VE MADE A CHOICE**********

The length of the average erect penis is...5 1/2 inches. You can find the supporting evidence, here.

Urban Legend #3: Women with big breasts are not as bright as women with small breasts. You've heard this. Admit it. Seriously, I'm not kidding. ADMIT IT! OK, now that you've admitted you've heard this fairytale, the questions are: where did it come from? And why does it persist? The answer to both questions are myriad, wide and explained much better elsewhere. HOWEVER, here is the facts: there is NO truth to this urban lengend in any way shape or form.

Intelligence is determined by some mysterious combination of biology, nature, early nutrition, how you're nurtured, your birth order, environment, along with effort, perseverance, and determination. None of which either directly or indirectly correlate to the female body's biological function of reaching puberty and growing breast tissue.

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Urban Legend #4: Men and women alike often wonder if its possible for the man to poke the baby in the head with the tip of his penis while he's having sex with his pregnant partner or wife. Before I tell you if it's possible, first a brief anatomy lesson.

The growing baby is floating inside a sac of amniotic fluid which is floating inside the amniotic sac inside the uterus. The uterus is protected by the cervix, a rigid barrier to the vagina which slowly opens over the course of the pregnancy. The birth canal is 3 to 7 inches in length, depending on the woman's state of arousal.

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The ultra sound picture above is of an actual penis inside a woman who is 6 months pregnant. The white colored area above the penis is the cervix. Beyond that is the uterus, amniotic sac and baby. As you can see, the direction of the penis is down. During sex, the penis fits in a space underneath the cervix and uterus.

So, what's the answer? Can you poke the baby in the head during sex with the tip of the penis? No. It's not possible, because the baby is protected behind the rigid cervix, uterus, and amniotic fluid.

HOWEVER...

It is possible to "jostle" the baby.

Wait. What?

Yup. It's possible for a man, regardless of his penis' length, to gently jostle the baby.

AND YET.... It's no more of a jostle than the baby would experience if the pregnant woman were to run up a set of stairs or to exercise or do yoga. As you can see from the above photo, it's quite possible for the shaft of the penis to "brush up against" the cervix, which could, in turn, "jostle" the contents of the amniotic sac... and thus, "jostle" the growing baby.

Urban Legend #5: According to legend, a male athlete should not have sex before a fight because the loss of the testosterone found in the semen renders the athlete less aggressive and thus, more likely to lose. Here now the facts:

  • Having sex burns about 25 or 50 calories. Maybe a few more if you're doing it competitively or in the back seat of a Prius.
  • The amount of testosterone lost during ejaculation is comparable to just one drop from a Costco size jug of sexual lubricant. And FYI, yes. Costco sells a jug of lube. I'm kidding.
  • A champion athlete will expend more energy looking for sex the night before a competition than he will having sex.

Let me add one caveat. The research pertains to sexual activity a few hours before an athletic event... use your best judgement about having sex 5 minutes before running a marathon. You can find the research, here.

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Jon Hotchkiss is the creator of This vs That, a new 6 hour science series.
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