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10 Steps to Lasting Longer in Bed

10 Steps to Lasting Longer in Bed
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Licensed psychotherapist, executive coach, columnist, and author of "Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days"

Licensed psychotherapist, executive coach, columnist, and author of "Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days"
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Premature ejaculation is defined as the male reaching orgasm sooner than he or his partner wishes. It's a common occurrence that's rarely related to a disease or biological problem and is almost entirely psychological, and thus quite treatable. When there is a biological basis for the issue it usually pertains to thyroid function or hormonal and neurotransmitter levels. An evaluation by a medical doctor can help rule these in or out as being connected to the issue.

In the absence of a medical explanation, the three primary causes (and those that I see most often with my patients) are: over-stimulation, performance anxiety, and stress. It may also be viewed as a conditioned response as early sexual experiences may have required quick ejaculation, i.e. sex in the backseat of the car, sex at the parent's house. Guilt may also come into play. If sex was seen as a negative act or one that someone has to be of a certain age or married, then guilt may pervade and with this is a rush to end it, hence the premature ejaculation.

Here are some tips to prolong pleasure:

  • Familiarize yourself with the sensations and feelings leading up to an orgasm because a lack of awareness may render you feeling like you have no control. This will allow you to know when you are reaching the point of no return and can predict orgasm, thereby restoring some control.

  • Focus less on yourself and more on your partner. Thinking about reaching orgasm will only get you there faster, therefore forget your needs and focus on those of the person you are with.

  • Watch your self-talk. So often people who fear premature ejaculation think "I hope I don't come fast." This is entirely inconsistent with enjoying the experience and making it last longer. Shift your focus to the experience of being entirely with your partner.

  • Bring yourself close to orgasm, focus on the sensation, then stop. Repeat this several times. This will help to prolong orgasm.

  • Either you or your partner should squeeze the end of the penis for 10 to 20 seconds when ejaculation is near, withholding stimulation for about 30 seconds, then continuing stimulation. This can be repeated until ejaculation is desired, thereby helping to provide control.

  • Manage your stress. Having too much on your mind is inconsistent with good sex. Maintain good stress management: eat healthy, get proper rest, don't take on more than you can handle, and exercise.

  • Take it slowly, enjoy foreplay, and ease into it. Deep breaths will relax you and lessen arousal and tension.

  • Think of your mother-in-law. Well, maybe not but at least something that will distract you that's non sex-related.

  • Open lines of communication with your partner. The better your partner knows your body, the better he or she can work with it and help delay ejaculation.

  • Finally, see orgasm not as the end of a sexual experience, but rather part of it that can be followed by cuddling and/or pleasing your partner in other ways.

    • For more tips on leading a happy and fulfilling life check out my book
    BE FEARLESS: Change Your Life in 28 Days
    .

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