THE BLOG
06/27/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Your Move, Jake Gyllenhaal

In an effort to have a legacy, every man has three dreams. We want to be made into an action figure, be immortalized in a comic, or be frozen in carbonite. And the first man to achieve all three will take the mantle from Harrison Ford, who waits in a cave, ancient and tired of protecting the grail.

But there is no competition without contenders and so far, I've identified two people to watch: me and Jake Gyllenhaal.

Jake's the easy choice - the frontrunner. He is pretty and brooding and friends with Lance Armstrong. He takes his shirt off to go in the pool. He's also just been made into an action figure - a LEGO version of Prince Dastan - his character in next month's blockbuster, "Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time."

Yes, LEGO minifigures are now action figures. There are toy soldiers and laser guns and light sabers -- everything that boys need to dance the figures across their living room floor and wage an imaginary battle. And by boys, I mean grown men. And by living room floor, I mean the desk in my office.

But Jake wasn't satisfied with being a minifig action hero -- he had the audacity to take a jab at the old man in an interview with Pop Sugar at WonderCon earlier this month:

It feels to me like they [LEGO] just basically buffed up Indiana Jones and they put a mullet on him. Doesn't it look like that? Have you seen the Indiana Jones LEGO, he has like the facial hair?

It's that kind of hubris that will ultimately cost him this competition. I have seen the Indiana Jones, and you sir, are no Junior. In fact, Jake shouldn't be so boastful - the action figure portion of this troika of dreams is the easiest to achieve, the one I'm saving for last, the sports and leisure category in Trivial Pursuit. I could purchase a custom action figure or build a LEGO version of myself within a few minutes. But dreams shouldn't be bought.

My campaign is decidedly more grassroots. An adult fan of LEGO immortalized the year I spent writing my book, "LEGO: A Love Story," in a LEGO comic strip - The Brick Side (a Far Side-inspired series of comic strips involving LEGO elements and minifigures). I've been a recurring character, returning last week to discover that giving up playing with LEGO bricks isn't as easy as one might expect.

So Jake and I are tied at one, but I have to go, I've got a lead on some carbonite.