There's nothing like St. Patrick's Day. During this glorious celebration, social norms and expectations go out the window. Slamming an Irish Car Bomb at 6 a.m. doesn't make you an alcoholic, it makes you heroic. Passing out before noon won't get you an intervention, it'll get you street cred.
Other than Halloween, it's the year's biggest costume-clad binge drinking event. But unlike October 31st, your clothing options are pretty limited.
For example, dressing like a cyborg on Halloween will earn you high fives. Dressing like a cyborg on Patty's will earn you a pint glass to the head.
Follow the rules below to make sure you don't look like an idiot when you're acting like one.
I know what you're thinking, "everyone will be in green, so why would I wear it too?" Consider the big picture. Green blends you into the crowd, meaning you'll be able to do stupid things like urinate in public or back flip off a squad car under a shroud of invisibility.
Wear all free shirts at once, or none at all
The most common giveaway on Patty's Day is a free t-Shirt. You could easily collect eight per hour if you tried. If you're looking to update your spring wardrobe with the latest fashion from Coors Light, make sure to put every shirt on the second you get it. If not, you'll definitely lose them.
Note: You can break this rule if you wrap one around your neck. It'll help collect beer sweats and serve as an emergency cleanup towel.
Shamrock sunglasses can't leave your head until March 18
Shamrock sunglasses are a perfect Patty's accessory -- they make you look festive, protect you from going blind on a patio, and most importantly, conceal your eyes so no one will be able to determine if you're passed out or simply in deep thought.
Keep these on your face until you wake up on the 18th... or 19th depending on how hard you go.
Grab as many beaded necklaces as possible
As the day's second most common freebee, you should end up with 37 lbs. of beaded necklaces around your neck. Make sure to wear at least three types: glow-in-the-dark, giant bead, tiny bead, battery-powered, shot glass pendant, or light up.
Bonus points for obtaining beads through questionable or embarrassing acts.
Don't be the one in the green and white stovepipe hat
No one respects the person wearing The Cat in the Hat outfit. No one.
Don't dress like a leprechaun either
Unless you're a bearded redhead under 5'4".
Fully commit to the green morphsuit
Like a bikini, a morphsuit reveals every inch of your body. The only difference is that it completely covers your face, giving you Bruce Wayne-level anonymity. Don't worry about losing weight before you put on this spandex suit of awesome because no one will know who's underneath. In fact, the more overweight the Patty's Greenman, the better.
Note: If you're a guy, a well-placed sock never hurt anybody.
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