06/26/2007 04:22 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Questions Larry King Should Ask Paris Hilton

The following is a script I think Larry King should follow when he interviews Paris Hilton:

Let me ask you, Ms. Hilton: Do you believe yesterday's suicide bombing in the lobby of the Mansour Hotel in Baghdad will exacerbate the sectarian conflict and make it more difficult for the U.S. to garner support among Sunni tribal leaders in Anbar province?

And do you think Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki can deflect the recent charges made by the senior leader of the Anbar Salvation Council, Ali al-Hatim al-Suleiman, that members of the Iraqi government may have had a hand in the attack?

Do you expect Moqtada al-Sadr's Mahdi Army to ignite open warfare against coalition forces even if he does not have the blessing of Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani?

Shifting gears, Ms. Hilton: What effects do you think the recent Supreme Court rulings on campaign finance and the role of religious groups receiving tax dollars will have on our politics and on the separation of church and state?

Do you believe the ruling that severely limits legal actions regarding faith based government entities defies stare decisis? And what long-term effect do you foresee this ruling may have on some of the new and controversial theories of jurisprudence put forth by the Bush Justice Department?

Finally, Ms. Hilton: Could you share with our viewers here on CNN in prime time exactly why you named your pet chihuahua "Tinkerbell?" Does J.M. Barrie's oeuvre have a special place in your analysis of post-modern fiction? What discursive tools of analysis do you rely on when you deconstruct the meta-narrative and critique the epistemes of Mr. Barrie's work?

Thank you, Ms. Hilton. This has been an exclusive interview for CNN. This is Larry King, good night.