As a species, we learn from our mistakes or we hope to, one could argue. Over the past generation or so, we have been inundated with the idea that the heroic macho image so prevalent in literature, stage and movies just a short generation or so ago is somehow an archaic notion that should be relegated to the dustbins of history. Over that short time span we have seen the deconstruction of man from the archetypal male image to the more sensitive Male 2.0, if you will.
Countless books, as well as movies and TV shows have been written and promulgated to promote a more insightful, less abrasive, 'in-touch-with-his-feminine-side' male. While the writer of this article is all for equality of the sexes, male, female and otherwise across the board, the true nature of the beast, so to speak, is being lost in modern translation.
This is not to argue that man must be a "beast" to everyone around them, their significant other not being the least of that argument. Men should be raised in the old-fashioned traditional sense of a man where men were raised to respect women, so that is not the argument here, but part of the point of focus and with that being said, boys should be allowed to grow up to be men.
There is tendency in today's society for men to cry in public, whether it be a sports star, a politician, an actor or an actor on a reality show. I'm not suggesting that us men are too macho to cry as we are only human after all and not made of stone. In our father's time, this literal emotional outpouring was reserved only for funerals, maybe the birth of a child or getting a patriotic lump in the throat. Crying was something done behind closed doors back then, whereas today you cannot turn the channel without witnessing a man blubbering like two year-old. This is not to imply that men should hide their emotions, but for Heaven's sake, man up!
There are far too many men in this country letting the waterworks flow a bit too easily these days and on national TV, no less. There's a propensity towards weeping whether a team doesn't win, coming in second on a reality show or getting dumped by a woman. It's as if men have somehow lost their cajones in all of this talk of feelings and emotions when in the old days if a guy was dumped, he'd put on a Sinatra, down a scotch, feel like hell for a little while, maybe shed a tear (but not become a blubbering mess) and then move the hell on.
As aforementioned, there's a inclination towards being in touch with our soft sides and being a more sensitive male while all around us, we males are losing our true identity. We are bombarded with images of less than macho ideals in media by Madison Avenue and this is regarding straight males alone. We have been put on notice in the past few years that the new male is metrosexual. One cannot turn on the TV without seeing a makeover show or open a magazine without being alerted to the fact that there are now an endless variety of men's make-up, hair gels, hand cremes, face cremes, anti-aging cremes, moisturizers, exfoliating washes and other basic beauty products for the modern male to choose from and that taking care of oneself through dieting and plucking one's eyebrows as well as other sorts of hair removal such as waxing are the modus operandi of the 21st Century male. I have even seen news reports where men are even considering Botox, facelifts, tummy tucks and liposuction as the way to stay ahead of the corporate dog pack. Cosmetics has been a traditionally female-dominated market, not so now. Not too long ago all of this would have been unheard of and these metrosexuals would have been mocked by what are now, I guess, retrosexuals. Narcissism is winning out and men are literally buying into this strategy.
Some may argue that there are outer lying social factors over the past generation such as Vietnam, Watergate and all the usual societal excuses and that times have changed. Some may even go as far back to blame women's liberation for men becoming more sensitive, but I dismiss that notion outright. If anything, men were less sensitive to women's equality, as it went against social tradition. If men blame women for their becoming sensitive, then it is just Eve being blamed for the apple again, I'd argue. No, it is the men who are at fault. It is the men who are accepting this new "men"tality, as it were. Men such as this are an advertizing executive's wet dream come true, so to speak.
Suffice it to say that this generation is begetting an even more delicate generation in turn. We are witnessing the 'pussification generation', as a result. Each time we tell little Porter, Patience or Hunter that "no one loses" and that "everyone's a winner", whether it be in Little League, school or in life itself, we are teaching them empty lessons and empowering them in a lie. We are lying to them as surely as we tell them of the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus, but with less charm. (Sorry to break it to anyone reading this but those were lies!) If, for argument's sake, we take the philosophy that 'all kids are winners', then in a most pejorative sense we are enabling them not to be winners, but to be whiners when things don't go their way. We have to buy our kids the latest Wii so they too can keep up with their friends at their houses who are already not playing outside. If a kid doesn't play outside, he or she has less of a chance of getting hurt, skinning a knee or an elbow. Basically, we no longer tell a kid to 'walk it off' or 'toughen up' but instead are ready to confer with counselors. We can't let our child fail on a science project due tomorrow, so we do it for them. In the old days, if we didn't do a project we failed and suffered the consequences at school and then at home for it, but it imparted to us a valuable message-Be responsible or pay for it later.
If this appears to be a journalistic equivalent of "Back in my day, I walked a mile to school", it's not. The truth of the matter is we coddle our kids too much, because we love them, which is great. Maybe it's because we're remembering the sting of the belt against our backsides or the smack of the open hand against the face or bottom. This is not to advocate violence or child abuse in any form, but a spanking always put us in our place and that place wasn't a "time-out" chair. We gave second thought about what we had done and had gotten us in trouble and would think again the next time.
How many times have any of us been on an airplane or in the supermarket and a child is having a temper tantrum and parents do nothing? People are afraid to discipline their kids for fear of accusations of child abuse, so they try to rationalize and talk to the child, thereby allowing the behavior. While disciplining a child works, coddling does not. We are not there to be our child's friend but the one from whom children learn right from wrong. If not, it only creates a bigger problem as the child grows older. As stated previously, we learn from our mistakes. Take that quotient away and we have a generation expecting immediate results instead of working toward goals and achieving them.
We need to teach our children respect for others, to accept diversity in race, sexual identity and religious beliefs. We do not need to spare the rod and spoil the child if we see our little one being a bully to another. If we don't, we might end up raising Cain, so to speak.
As men, we need to be there for our children, be responsible, stoic and not be afraid to teach our children well, as the song goes. We need teach our sons to respect women and that the definition of being a man doesn't mean you can't be a gentleman. We must instill core values in our children without fear we are doing them irreparable harm just because a self-help book may say otherwise. Too many times we want our children to be our friends and while that is an attainable and admirable goal, we men need to teach our children right from wrong and even show them how to put up their dukes if one of their colleagues knocks them down. We need to raise the next generation of men who aren't afraid to "man up". Despite the contrary in the media these days, women expect that of us. Women don't want a man to be delicate when they need or want him to defend their honor or protect them. Men today need to realize that it is okay to raise a fist or two and protect their loved ones if need be, but for God's sake, put down the hand-creme first!