Remember in the summer of 2000 when George W. Bush was desperately searching for an issue to sell to anyone who wasn't a slobbering fundie Christian NASCAR dipshit, an old-money politically connected Yale alumnus, or both? The issue he seized upon was getting rid of our nation's crippling, pain-in-the-ass, ticking time bomb of a budget surplus.
Well, shortly after George II entered office, that surplus shrank faster than a page boy's penis at a mid-December Larry Craig pool party.
Unfortunately, fiscally retarded Democrats could soon use our ballooning debt as an excuse to expire the glorious Bush supply-side tax cuts--the very tax cuts that have brightened the fortunes of every hardworking American with enough sense to diversify their children's marginally performing kidneys into a range of foreign currencies, precious metals, and defense industry stocks.
So this Christmas season, why not ask your Republican friends and family why they even bother to contribute to local food drives or volunteer at that lame free meal they hand out to shiftless hobos and the annoying little disease vectors they euphemistically refer to as "children"? As Reaganomics taught us, naively diverting resources from useful investment to unproductive investment like meals for the poor simply steals food from the mouths of the poor. So if your Republican friend really wants to help out this season, tell him to put his money where his mouth is and send a big fat donation to his local industrialist--a member of the investing class and just the sort of go-getter who fuels the engine of the economy, thus ensuring financial security for all.
Seriously, why force-feed poor kids creamed corn and expired Velveeta this year when a little well-placed fiscal stimulus will bring them foie gras and fine imported cheeses for decades to come--assuming, of course, that they have the moral courage to soldier on through the cholera and rickets.
Merry Christmas!