"At first I was afraid, I was petrified," sings Gloria Gaynor in her monster hit "I Will Survive."
While my astrology "sign" with a July 20 birthday is 'cancer,' I never expected to be diagnosed with cancer -- stage 4 -- at just 33 years young. Shock of my life!
"You have cancer," are certainly three of the most devastating words a person can hear. I know from personal experience the last thing you feel at diagnosis is joy or any happiness! No, the opening words of "I Will Survive" pretty much sum it up. Petrified.
Yet I decided shortly after my life-changing diagnosis that while I was feeling this tremendous paralyzing fear of death (not because I'm truly afraid to die, but my fear came from just being 33 and feeling like I hadn't fully lived a life yet!). I wouldn't stay stuck experiencing only negative emotions as I journeyed down the long road of aggressive treatment.
When I speak to groups at cancer treatment centers, hospitals, and churches, I share this, "When you're first diagnosed with cancer you're feeling SAD. I define SAD as S (Scared), A (Angry), and D (downright Depressed). The goal is to figure out as quickly as possible how to have more good days than bad." After all, everyone wants to be happy!
Knowing the opposite of fear is courage, I realized I needed a good dose of en"courage"ment; support from family and friends is vital too. Also, there's so many terrific resources out there for those fighting cancer -- and those supporting them -- but who has time or the energy during such a draining time to find these helpful things? When you are involuntarily immersed in the cancer world you feel like you've been tossed in a pool. But you don't know how to swim, and you feel like you are drowning!
I achieved remission after six hard-hitting rounds of chemotherapy. With 12 more maintenance chemo's prescribed over the next two years, I suddenly realized my mission in life! I believe I experienced late stage cancer as a young adult because I'm meant to deliver a much-needed true "dose of JOY" to all those fighting cancer and those on their support team. My name is Joy after all! Why do we let cancer steal our joy? I realize no one's happy they have cancer, but you can have cancer and still be happy!
An example of happiness, in spite of cancer, is when I went through hair loss. For me, the complete loss of my shoulder-length hair was the most emotionally painful part of the whole journey. At my first chemo. I was told my thick hair would begin to fall out in about three weeks -- in clumps and chunks. Well, one of my dozen recommended "Dos at Diagnosis" is "Do control what you can." So much happens after a cancer diagnosis that is out of your control, but I wanted to control exactly how and where I lost my hair.
We cut my hair extremely short. Then I took a "hair loss shower" where I leaned my head back to wet my hair and heard a "SPLAT" sound that absolutely broke my heart. I turned around and most of my hair previously on my head was lying on the shower drain as it came out the second the stream of water hit it. We decided to have my head shaved!
I kept thinking what could I do about going bald? What was still within my control? After all, you can't choose the obstacle life throws your way; you can choose how you respond to it though! I'm a brunette with dark brown hair and eyes. Hey, I've always wondered what I'd look like as a redhead!
The time had come to order a redheaded wig, along with other colors, lengths, and styles. I truly had fun trying on all the different wigs in search of some new looks for the summer! My caregiver (also called "Mom") took pictures of me modeling all the different looks; then we utilized social media uploading all these photos to Facebook so friends and family scattered all over could log in and check out my "online Facebook Fashion Show." They liked and commented, giving tremendous support and en"courage"ment that was so needed as I kicked off this bald but beautiful phase of life as a single young adult!
I wholeheartedly believe responding positively helped me tremendously throughout my fight. It certainly didn't hurt! "Mind over matter," right? After I achieved remission, I was overpowered one day with a unique idea. After my personal experience with advanced stage cancer, I could certainly help many others fighting cancer, fight "Cancer with JOY" -- literally and figuratively! I could help them find the "bright side" of those "side effects" of cancer treatment. Yes, my hair wasn't growing, but I discovered I no longer had to do the time-consuming constant task of shaving my legs. They were silky smooth day after day . . . after day!
As a songwriter, the idea of "smooth legs" being a "BRIGHT side effect" of cancer treatment was just too irresistible to not explore in song. I think music is such an amazing gift. We've all been transformed by the power of a song! You can be having a terrible day when a song comes on that you love, and you find your mood transformed and you are singing along! Yes, during my journey I belted out Ms. Gaynor's "I Will Survive!" I didn't sound near as good as she does though! You can see the music video we made to "Bright Side Effects," which I co-wrote, here.
Less than a year after my cancer diagnosis I had a publishing agreement for a Cancer With JOY book from Morgan James Publishing of NYC. This essential resource is filled with inspiring stories from me and others (including the short story "Be Positive
If I could fight something like cancer -- and stage 4 cancer at that -- as a young adult truly just beginning to experience the blessings of my life with joy, I know you can also find the "bright side" of your obstacles and challenges. My favorite definition of the word attitude is "the way you choose to respond." There's a few key words in that definition, and a very powerful idea: you choose your response! I hope this short story of responding to my complete hair loss by holding a fun "online Facebook Fashion Show" inspires you to think how you too can fight "Cancer with Joy" and use the power of positivity and humor during your journey! Laughter truly is the best medicine!