What's With All This Pole Dancing?

In the past week, pole dancing classes have been covered by both Oprah and The Doctors in segments touting this activity's ability to help women unleash their sexual/sensual side.

I have to confess that when I think of all the ways women can embrace their sexual nature, spinning and grinding against a cold metal pole doesn't spring to mind. It might be perfect for the woman whose heart is in tool and die, but it makes me imagine calluses on palms and strawberries on the backs of knees... erotic injuries I've so far managed not to sustain on my own little journey.

If pole dancing is your thing, go for it. I support anything that helps a woman feel alive within her sexuality, and I also support a woman's right to earn her living as a pole dancer, if that's her choice. But I do think this form of expression deserves some exploration.

I'm sure I'm not alone in the belief that pole dancing is more of a male fantasy of female sexuality than a female version. Carmella and I have three words for you: Ba Da Bing. I'm also of the opinion it has more to do with commerce than anything else, and wonder if even real pole dancers might envision their own private erotic expression as existing off the pole.

Many, many women have trouble trying to get into their own sate of arousal because they're preoccupied with their partner's needs, or because it's hard for them to find their own place on the spectrum of how society sees female sexuality. Since pole dancing begins with more of a male prototype for what's sexy, it seems like it would put women on a circuitous route to their own sensuality, one that has to go through male imagery on the way to what might be a different female image.

Even though in my professional opinion there's nothing wrong with any sexual fantasy because they all, even the disturbing ones, serve some sort of positive psychological function or the fantasy wouldn't exist in the first place, I still believe it's important to support women in moving with the flow of their own sense of the erotic -- a sense that begins and ends with their own imagery and fantasy.

Note to the Huffington Post readers who responded to my March 2008 post "Calling All Women! Tell Me What You Need for Yourself and from Each Other"participated in my Women's Realities Study: I'll be giving a workshop on women's sexuality that will contain some of your anonymous narratives. It's sponsored by the Woodhull Institute for Ethical Leadership, a women's organization founded by Naomi Wolf and Margot Magowan at which Arianna Huffington is a Fellow. You and any other women who are interested are welcome to come! Click here for information.

Comments

[Spinzone]

I support a woman's right to pole dance, make money at it, be a prostitute, porn star, or whatever she wants. Right now, the cost for a prostitute is rather high. If the supply increases the cost will be reduced.

[mamacat]

Pole dancing allows a woman to pretend to be a slut, without actually being one. In my opinion.

[OtayPanky]

Here's what you clearly don't get.

While most men have no problemo channelling their inner pig - too many women have too many inner barriers to similarly channelling their inner slut.

As a number of commenters have said, this isn't done for anyone else's benefit. Rather, it's simply a structure for worshipping Venus, Dionysus, Pan, Eros and the other pig/slut gods and goddesses - if you want to get all jungian about it.

Good times!

[Kasidie]

Why do we women wear high heels, sexy lingerie, and slinky dresses? Why do we flirt like crazy and dirty dance on the dance floor? We are sexual beings, even if western society does it's best to repress that. Pole dancing gives us the chance to be sexy, to be desired, and to show off. It's scary to do (what if nobody cares, what if we're not sexy to people?), but once you see the reaction it feels great! I have girlfriends that enjoy pole dancing in private for each other or their spouses, and I have girlfriends who go to a local strip club with their husbands every so often where they get to perform on the amateur stage...personally I'm too terrified to do that, but they get a total rush out of expressing their sexuality and being desired.

[ErinE]

I respect your opinion but disagree.

I'm an intelligent woman living in Chicago and I have been taking pole dance fitness classes for over a year.

The class isn't about domination or submitting to male fantasy. It's about finding ways to help yourself feel more sexy. It's also about finding strengths in your body that you didn't know existed. It's an intense workout that has a byproduct of awakening a sexual creature inside.

My Sunday afternoon pole dance classes are something I do for myself. I don't come home every week and show my husband the new pole trick I learned and he isn't waiting at the door with a stack of ones.

When I do come home,I marvel at what I accomplished that day whether it was a climb, which required me to pull up my entire body weight with my arms or an inversion, which required me to engage every muscle in my body to turn myself upside down. I also enjoy the fact that for 90 minutes, the time was all about me. Not my husband, not my kids, not work.

[HolmesMusic]

yes, ma'am!

[nov47]

REALLY! I agree. What's up with that? It seems like such a backward way for women to connect with themselves.

[laocoon]

arent there any places where male and female sexual fantasies intersect? I have found that women I have known who most allowed themselves to enjoy sex have liked women on top position. what is so appealing to me and maybe IMO most men is that those women seem to enjoy themselves and you feel that you are both on the same page-- that she is more than willing. why be negative, why not like something just because a man likes it. My own preferences and fantasies have always involved women who are more than willing rather than say "coercion"or control. Pole dancing is at least symbolically being willing. so I suggest that many men like it because it connotes a woman who is not reluctant, who is exerting her share of control--- that it is more a mutual and shared pleasure. I admit to liking the idea for that reason and I think that it is a good reason to like it.