In the past week, pole dancing classes have been covered by both Oprah and The Doctors in segments touting this activity's ability to help women unleash their sexual/sensual side.
I have to confess that when I think of all the ways women can embrace their sexual nature, spinning and grinding against a cold metal pole doesn't spring to mind. It might be perfect for the woman whose heart is in tool and die, but it makes me imagine calluses on palms and strawberries on the backs of knees... erotic injuries I've so far managed not to sustain on my own little journey.
If pole dancing is your thing, go for it. I support anything that helps a woman feel alive within her sexuality, and I also support a woman's right to earn her living as a pole dancer, if that's her choice. But I do think this form of expression deserves some exploration.
I'm sure I'm not alone in the belief that pole dancing is more of a male fantasy of female sexuality than a female version. Carmella and I have three words for you: Ba Da Bing. I'm also of the opinion it has more to do with commerce than anything else, and wonder if even real pole dancers might envision their own private erotic expression as existing off the pole.
Many, many women have trouble trying to get into their own sate of arousal because they're preoccupied with their partner's needs, or because it's hard for them to find their own place on the spectrum of how society sees female sexuality. Since pole dancing begins with more of a male prototype for what's sexy, it seems like it would put women on a circuitous route to their own sensuality, one that has to go through male imagery on the way to what might be a different female image.
Even though in my professional opinion there's nothing wrong with any sexual fantasy because they all, even the disturbing ones, serve some sort of positive psychological function or the fantasy wouldn't exist in the first place, I still believe it's important to support women in moving with the flow of their own sense of the erotic -- a sense that begins and ends with their own imagery and fantasy.
Note to the Huffington Post readers who responded to my March 2008 post "Calling All Women! Tell Me What You Need for Yourself and from Each Other"participated in my Women's Realities Study: I'll be giving a workshop on women's sexuality that will contain some of your anonymous narratives. It's sponsored by the Woodhull Institute for Ethical Leadership, a women's organization founded by Naomi Wolf and Margot Magowan at which Arianna Huffington is a Fellow. You and any other women who are interested are welcome to come! Click here for information.