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Judith Orloff MD

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How to Stop Absorbing Others People's Negative Emotions

Posted: 05/24/11 09:14 AM ET

In my book "Emotional Freedom," I emphasize the importance of learning how to stay centered in a stressful, highly emotionally charged world. Since research has shown that emotions can be contagious, you can potentially "catch" fear, anger or joy from people without realizing it. If you tend to be an emotional sponge, it's vital to know how to avoid taking on an individual's negative emotions or the free-floating kind in crowds. Another twist is that chronic anxiety, depression or stress can turn you into an emotional sponge by wearing down your defenses. Suddenly, you become hyper-attuned to others, especially those with similar pain. That's how empathy works; we zero in on hot-button issues that are unresolved in ourselves. Negative emotions can originate from several sources. What you're feeling may be your own; it may be someone else's; or it may be a combination. I'll explain how to tell the difference and strategically bolster positive emotions so you don't shoulder negativity that doesn't belong to you.

This wasn't something I always knew how to do. Growing up, my girlfriends couldn't wait to hit the shopping malls and go to parties, and the bigger the better -- but I didn't share their excitement. I always felt overwhelmed, exhausted around large groups of people, though I was clueless why. "What's the matter with you?" friends would say, shooting me the weirdest looks. All I knew was that crowded places and I just didn't mix. I'd go there feeling just fine but leave nervous, depressed or with some horrible new ache or pain. Unsuspectingly, I was a sponge, sensing the emotions of people around me.

With my patients, I've also seen how absorbing other people's emotions can trigger panic attacks, depression, food-, sex- and drug-binges, and a plethora of physical symptoms that defy traditional medical diagnosis. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that more than 2 million Americans suffer from chronic fatigue. It's likely that many of them are emotional sponges.

Here are some strategies from "Emotional Freedom" to practice. They will help you to stop taking on other people's stress.

6 Tips To Stay Centered In A Stressful World

To detach from other people's negative emotions:

  1. First, ask yourself: Is the feeling mine or someone else's? It could be both. If the emotion such as fear or anger is yours, gently confront what's causing it on your own or with professional help. If not, try to pinpoint the obvious generator. For instance, if you've just watched a comedy, yet you came home from the movie theater feeling blue, you may have incorporated the depression of the people sitting beside you; in close proximity, "energy fields" overlap. The same is true with going to a mall or packed concert.
  2. When possible, distance yourself from the suspected source. Move at least 20 feet away; see if you feel relief. Don't err on the side of not wanting to offend strangers. In a public place, don't hesitate to change seats if you feel a sense of depression imposing on you.
  3. For a few minutes, center yourself by concentrating on your breath: This connects you to your essence. Keep exhaling stress and inhaling calm. This helps to ground yourself and purify fear or other difficult emotions. Visualize stress as gray fog lifting from your body, and hope as a clear light entering. This can yield quick results.
  4. Stressful emotions such as fear frequently lodge in your gut. Place your palm there as you keep sending loving-kindness to that area to soothe stress. For longstanding depression or anxiety, use this method daily to strengthen yourself. It's comforting and builds a sense of safety and optimism.
  5. Visualize. A handy form of protection many people use, including health care practitioners with trying patients, involves visualizing an envelope of white light around your entire body. Think of it as a shield that blocks out negativity or physical discomfort but allows what's positive to filter in.
  6. Look for positive people and situations. Call a friend who sees the good in others. Spend time with a colleague who affirms the bright side of things. Listen to hopeful people. Hear the faith they have in themselves and others. Also relish hopeful words, songs and art forms. Hope is contagious, and it will lift your mood.

Keep practicing these strategies. You don't have to reinvent the wheel each time you're on emotional overload. With strategies to cope, you can have quicker retorts to stressful situations, feel safer, and your sensitivities can blossom.

 
 
 

Follow Judith Orloff MD on Twitter: www.twitter.com/JudithOrloffMD

In my book "Emotional Freedom," I emphasize the importance of learning how to stay centered in a stressful, highly emotionally charged world. Since research has shown that emotions can be contagious, ...
In my book "Emotional Freedom," I emphasize the importance of learning how to stay centered in a stressful, highly emotionally charged world. Since research has shown that emotions can be contagious, ...
 
 
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10:50 AM on 06/29/2011
Sitting in a quiet place and learning to focus on the natural breath while observing the natural sensations without attachment is the best method of clearing the mind and body of garbage absorbed from living in the world. It may take a little time to quiet the mind of thoughts, but it will eventually be quiet, if you keep coming back to your breath with your focus. Don't become angry with yourself if you cannot acheive this the first time you try. Just keep trying. Every moment that you acheive detachment and let go is precious.
06:19 AM on 06/02/2011
Once I got a ticket for an expired safety check on my car. It was only expired for one day and then I promptly got it renewed after. Soon after I found myself constantly focusing on other people's bumpers, looking for their safety check stickers. "Hey!" I'd exclaim, driving annoyed in my car, "that guy's has been expired for two months." "Look, she hasn't got it renewed for over a year." And so on, and so forth. Then I realized, this is ridiculous, something that has barely accessed the periphery of my consciousness in the past, now occupied front and center. Anyways, even though it was such an insignificant event, I realized how much my focus of attention affected my thoughts, then my feelings, and finally my actions. I found this to be true with people as well. I tend to be a bit of an absorber, but like ladyvee1969, I catch myself honing in a particular phenomena in the kaleidoscope of reality that presents itself to us, and make an effort to go towards the positive. Cool post! Thanks Dr. Orloff for being such a source of wisdom and insight.
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nootrope
It's "no-oh-trope"
12:49 AM on 06/02/2011
This article contains a lot of basic wisdom and insight, and the practical suggestions are very helpful. Thanks Judith for posting this.
12:26 AM on 05/31/2011
It was necessary for me to cut out the people in my life that drained my energy. I noticed how much my health improved and I no longer experience panic attacks. If you know who the vampires are keep them away from your home. It's like the bad vibes linger for a while even after they leave.
05:31 PM on 05/30/2011
It gets so much easier as you practice more, I just breathe and ask if it's mine, wait for an answer, then I say can I let this go? and wait.
I also use my hands as a 'rake' and 'rake my energy fields (aura) as I breathe, I do it from head to toe, and get my back and send the excess energy back to light. by saying, "go back to light."
That will take care of it, and I will do that until I feel lighter.
Also, after working on clients at the end of the day, I do a salt scrub (or salt bath if you have a tub).

Thanks for the tips Judith! Thanks for being you.
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AZreb
equal-opportunity Independent heathen
10:22 AM on 05/30/2011
Run, run, run as far and as fast as you can from negativity! A friend may have some great qualities, but being subjected to the negative talk will erase all those qualities and you are left with feelings that are not beneficial to your mental health.

Life is too short to be surrounded by those whose views are always of the downside - yes, we have fears and worries, but to subject someone else to those feelings may drive them away and not help mitigate those fears and worries. Solving life's problems is a major "do it yourself" situation.
02:41 PM on 05/28/2011
Great article!! I am an emotional empath and have many vampires that surround me. This helps me to protect myself. I have a few years suffering from panic attacks and anxiety I am taking medicine right now. Not everyday anymore but whenever I feel my anxiety to start. Thanks again for sharing this with us.
04:06 PM on 05/27/2011
Pretty good article! As a Psychic Counselor I have had to do continual self aura cleansing for years... People have no idea how thick and toxic others negative energy can be... The world is full of 'psychic vampires' some of whom are intentionally draining, and others who mean no harm...

Being 'centered' can quite literally be the difference in whether someone remains sane or subject to a breakdown, (emotional or physical). In this day and age it is imperative to be as balanced albeit as flexible as we can! ...

I agree about walking, it is highly underrated....

Blessings, to all, MEA
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AZreb
equal-opportunity Independent heathen
10:24 AM on 05/30/2011
Walking, swimming, gardening - all stress-relievers and relaxing and you have time to talk to yourself with no outside yapping filling your mind with negativity.
09:38 AM on 05/26/2011
I think the Dr. missed the importance of something as simple as a nice 30 minute walk

preferably in a park or quiet neighbourhood, some place where you mind can focus on nature

that's why i love playing golf
i'm a pretty good player, but my score is rarely the focus of my games

getting away from the world and focusing on hitting the ball and enjoying the game are the most important to me

that's why i also love sailing

i realize that golfing and sailing can be expensive and not for everyone, but even a 30 minute walk by yourself can clear your head and is a great way to shed negative energy that may be pent up in your body

even a city walk, and maybe looking into store windows (what we used to call window shopping) can take us away from our current stressful state of mind

it doesn't have to be a power walk
just getting away from your office/home/phone/family etc.
a nice walk can be a great way for some much needed 'me time'
something we all need and it's a hell of a lot cheaper than a 'spa day'
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french queen13
my beloved is mine and I am his
04:42 AM on 06/01/2011
I like the kitty in your avatar pic. :)
09:21 AM on 05/26/2011
a wise person once gave me counsel and explained to me about 'energy vampires'

many people in this world cannot create their own positive energy and so gravitate towards those that do create their own positive energy

these 'energy vampires' then attach themselves to try to drain off as much positive energy as possible

these 'energy vampires' are to be avoided at all costs, for they can cause serious emotional, mental and even physical damage to the person creating the positive energy

the vampires crave the positive energy since they are usually ones who create negative energy and as such need huge amounts of positive energy to overcome the negative energy they create and then even more to make them feel positive

it is important to quickly recognize the 'energy vampires' as quickly as possible and dispense with them ASAP

I do recognize that sometimes we need to help people who are creating negative energy - friend, relatives who are facing crisis, but it's important that we also help these people to create their own positive energy instead of literally sucking the life out of someone else

positive energy is so important for our emotional, mental and physical well being

the world is stressful enough and throws without adding the strain of letting an energy vampire latch on to us
04:56 PM on 05/25/2011
You can also visualize breaking up the incoming negative energy into four parts and sending them from your center to your shoulders and hips. This distributes the force more manageably and is especially helpful when the negative energy you're receiving is painful.
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PJsThreeDogLife
"A large lady given to speaking her mind."
08:25 AM on 05/25/2011
Wise words here. Yes, we all emit energy all the time....positive or negative. Yes, we are impacted by the energy of those around us. And yes, thankfully, we can protect/heal ourselves from the negative "blasts". As a therapist, I say, "Today may I walk in safety and well-being as I serve others."
Corny maybe...but then again...who knows for sure?
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Dr. Cara Barker
author, artist, and Jungian Analyst,
01:24 AM on 05/26/2011
As one of your fans, PJsThreeDogLife, I've simply got to say, 'not corny.' More like wisdom born of rich experience.

Your clients are mighty lucky people. They've sought out one who comes from their own hard-won truth. What a marvelous invitation you are to others to mine their own.

Appreciation your way,
Cara
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AZreb
equal-opportunity Independent heathen
10:37 AM on 05/30/2011
There is an old cowboy saying that is posted right by my computer and I read it every morning:

"Everybody's got a choice. You can piss in your boots and whine about it or walk in dry socks."

I choose to walk in "dry socks".
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french queen13
my beloved is mine and I am his
04:43 AM on 06/01/2011
Now I've got Woody saying "There's a snake in my boots!" playing in my head. :D
12:14 AM on 05/25/2011
Thank you!
08:38 PM on 05/24/2011
I work at a cancer center, where the people sometimes fair poorly. I met a woman who I thought could be a good friend. I gave her my number and she gave me hers. We talked mostly about how mean and rude people were in the world and at work. I started to realize that we were feeding each others negative energy. So, I tried to talk about positive things, our kids, her dog. etc. But she just kept going back to the negative. Telling me about how she reported the man at walmart or at work....just whoever she felt had mistreated her. So I decided I could not speak this woman anymore. I had to cut her off and I felt bad because she really was a nice woman, just a little bitter. I felt bad about it for a while and I know she badmouthed me to some of our co-workers, but her negative energy made it hard for me to see the world in positive light. It made my life feel heavier and I didn't feel better after talking to her, I felt worse. Im glad I let her go.
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Pax333
10:19 PM on 05/24/2011
Just finished reading a book about emotional vampires which ties in nicely with your post and the article. Going by the book you did exactly the right thing.
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Dr. Cara Barker
author, artist, and Jungian Analyst,
01:29 AM on 05/26/2011
ladyvee, I am in your fan section, impressed at your courage and discernment. It is a brave and wise move to discover what supports life, and what does not. You demonstrate a clear intention to avoid collusion with what is toxic, and support what brings healing and spirit alive. Good for you! It is not an easy thing for women, in particular, to 'draw a line' in the sand, but it is a necessary skill to master if we want to become all that we are called to become by what is beyond the ego. Surely you are on your way. Sending you cheers for brilliant self-compassion. Cara
03:13 PM on 05/26/2011
Thank you Dr. Barker.
09:33 AM on 05/24/2011
I was journaling about this issue last night. It's only in the past few years that I've realized how much of a psychic sponge I really am. Before that, I thought everyone probably felt the way that I did everytime I walked into a hospital: overwhelming fear, loss, sorrow, panic, dizziness. Since I don't go into hospitals all that often, it was my day-to-day life that has given me more problems than not. I am determined now to be more protective of my own emotional wellbeing from here on out and your tips on how to do that are just what I needed to read and the exact right time. Thank you.
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Dr. Cara Barker
author, artist, and Jungian Analyst,
01:32 AM on 05/26/2011
As one of your fans, lvdorans, one observation: you demonstrate a consistent clear heart, the attitude of one who has the courage to be who you really are, and let go of the rest. From me to you, I simply want to offer appreciation and respect. Keep it coming. Keep that journal pen dipping into the ink. You are stepping up and out. Bravo! Cara