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Judith Orloff MD

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Are You an Empath? How to Stop Being an Emotional Sponge (VIDEO)

Posted: 09/10/10 08:00 AM ET

Have you ever been labeled as overly sensitive? Do you absorb the emotions of others? There is a good chance you're an emotional empath. Empaths are highly sensitive, finely tuned instruments when it comes to emotions. They feel everything, sometimes to an extreme, and are less apt to intellectualize feelings. Their sensitivity is the filter through which they experience life. Empaths are naturally giving, spiritually attuned and good listeners. If you want heart, empaths have got it. Through thick and thin, they're there for you -- world-class nurturers.

As a psychiatrist, many empaths come to me overwhelmed by the world. Their trademark is that they know where you're coming from. Some can do this without taking on people's feelings. However, for better or worse, others, like myself and many of my patients, can become angst-sucking sponges. This often overrides the sublime capacity to absorb positive emotions and all that is beautiful. If empaths are around peace and love, their bodies assimilate these and flourish. Negativity, though, often feels assaultive and exhausting. Thus, they're particularly easy marks for emotional vampires, whose fear or rage can ravage empaths. As a subconscious defense, they may gain weight as a buffer. When thin, they're more vulnerable to negativity, a missing cause of overeating. Plus, an empath's sensitivity can be overwhelming in romantic relationships; many stay single since they haven't learned to negotiate their special cohabitation needs with a partner.

When empaths absorb the impact of stressful emotions, it can trigger panic attacks, depression, food, sex and drug binges, and a plethora of physical symptoms that defy traditional medical diagnosis from fatigue to agoraphobia. Since I'm an empath, I want to help all my empath patients cultivate this capacity and be comfortable with it.

Empathy doesn't have to make you feel overloaded too much all the time. Now that I can center myself and refrain from shouldering stress, empathy continues to make me freer, igniting my compassion, vitality and sense of the miraculous.

To determine whether you're an emotional empath, take the following quiz from my book, "Emotional Freedom," which explores empathy in great detail.

QUIZ: AM I AN EMPATH?

Ask yourself:

  • Have I been labeled as "too emotional" or overly sensitive?

  • If a friend is distraught, do I start feeling it too?

  • Are my feelings easily hurt?

  • Am I emotionally drained by crowds, require time alone to revive?

  • Do my nerves get frayed by noise, smells, or excessive talk?

  • Do I prefer taking my own car places so that I can leave when I please?

  • Do I overeat to cope with emotional stress?

  • Am I afraid of becoming engulfed by intimate relationships?


If you answer "yes" to one to three of these questions, you're at least part empath. Responding "yes" to more than three indicates that you've found your emotional type.

Recognizing that you're an empath is the first step in taking charge of your emotions instead of constantly drowning in them. Staying on top of empathy will improve your self-care and relationships.

Emotional Action Step: How to Find Balance

Practice these strategies to center yourself.

1. Allow quiet time to emotionally decompress. Get in the habit of taking calming mini-breaks throughout the day. Breathe in some fresh air. Stretch. Take a short walk around the office. These interludes will reduce the excessive stimulation of going nonstop.

2. Practice guerrilla meditation. To counter emotional overload, act fast and meditate for a few minutes. This centers your energy so you don't take it on from others.

3. Define and honor your empathic needs. Safeguard your sensitivities. Here's how.

  • If someone asks too much of you, politely tell them "no." It's not necessary to explain why. As the saying goes, "No is a complete sentence."

  • If your comfort level is three hours max for socializing--even if you adore the people--take your own car or have an alternate transportation plan so you're not stranded.

  • If crowds are overwhelming, eat a high-protein meal beforehand (this grounds you) and sit in the far corner of, say, a theatre or party, not dead center.

  • If you feel nuked by perfume, nicely request that your friends refrain from wearing it around you. If you can't avoid it, stand near a window or take frequent breaks to catch a breath of fresh air outdoors.

  • If you overeat to numb negative emotions, practice the guerrilla meditation mentioned above, before you're lured to the refrigerator, a potential vortex of temptation. As an emergency measure, keep a cushion by the fridge so you can be poised to meditate instead of binge.

  • Carve out private space at home. Then you won't be stricken by the feeling of too much togetherness.


Over time, I suggest adding to this list to keep yourself covered. You don't have to reinvent the wheel each time you're on emotional overload. With pragmatic strategies to cope, empaths can have quicker retorts, feel safer, and their talents can blossom.


WATCH:


 
 
 

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Have you ever been labeled as overly sensitive? Do you absorb the emotions of others? There is a good chance you're an emotional empath. Empaths are highly sensitive, finely tuned instruments when it ...
Have you ever been labeled as overly sensitive? Do you absorb the emotions of others? There is a good chance you're an emotional empath. Empaths are highly sensitive, finely tuned instruments when it ...
 
 
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01:27 PM on 10/29/2010
"No is a complete sentence." I answered no to all those questions.
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Daria Boissonnas
Healing happens
03:47 PM on 10/08/2010
I work with people who are awakening and walking their spiritual path mindfully, discovering who they are inside and how to express the gifts they were born to share with the world.

I've found 9 attributes I call the Nine Gifts of Awakening that tend to increase as we mature spiritually. Number one is a general sensitivity to environment, mood, and other people. Many of my clients have personal spaces about the size of a house!

Yes, you definitely need some coping mechanisms like the wonderful suggestions above, so you can move through a typical modern day without being overwhelmed. (My favorite suggestion is to more deeply familiarize yourself with your own energy patterns and then BE them, so the energy of others doesn't overwhelm you as much.)

Overall, however, I see this sensitivity as a huge gift or blessing! It helps you feel your own emotions so you can live an increasingly authentic life. It can be used to more deeply help others live better lives. And sensitivity can help you tap into your inner guidance to accelerate along your spiritual path and do what you came to this planet to do.
03:29 PM on 09/24/2010
Thank you for this post. I've always felt like an emotional tuning fork. Whatever emotion is in the air, I resonate with it. I answered yes to all but one of the questions on your checklist. I will definitely seek out more of your writings. Thanks again.
06:09 PM on 09/21/2010
There have been times i was able to turn on the light in someones depressed eyes, there have also been many times i wanted to leave this life. But always i trusted there is a divine reason for my birth, my existence, for the spiritual realm to have this quality develop among the human race.
And always i am aware of how courageous i am to keep failing, to keep getting up again and try again to find balance, to regain my power, when others negativity has wiped me out completely. More often lately, when in balance i am also 'One' with everyone i meet in the street. And being acknowledged by complete strangers. Not a forced, hocus pocus, we are all one, halleluja, but an observation of true oneness.
06:09 PM on 09/21/2010
How unkind some of these comments are. Empathy is just one of the human characteristics, some totally lack and some are overburdened by. From Peter Levine, traumaexpert, i learned that often people with prenatal trauma become that sensitive they can literally feel other people's emotions. Either taking them on, being destroyed by them, or as someone called it tuning them out. Does failing at he latter at times, mean you are a psychiatric basketcase? Maybe. But then most likely one feels that the same psychiatric institutions have no capacity to bring healing and are often mere crooks dumping, what outside their profession are called illegal drugs, on people, children and adults alike. I understand tuning out. Its brilliancy when it happens and when it is successful. But i also suffer tremendous physical pains when staying too long in crowds. When being sensitive to the turmoils in this politically devastated human realm, often life is too much, peace seemingly only to be found in a different life in a different place. Pride does not come into it. It is hard to explain this quality to all those who have no clue about it. No knowledge of its existence neither its workings.
There have been times i turned on the light in someones depressed eyes, there have been many times i wanted to leave this life. But always i trusted there is a divine reason for my birth, my existence, for the spiritual realm to develop this quality among the human race.
03:03 PM on 09/21/2010
Judith, this is so important and helpful for a lot of people. I've known several empaths over the years, and many of them became tortured souls because of it.

For those who can see themselves in your profile, I'm sure they can be helped immediately by simply being aware of their condition and can take steps to recreate themselves.

Write on!

Tom Justin
"Your Inner Wizard"
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
jedime
i am.
05:13 PM on 09/16/2010
i'm glad i came across this today! i've known for several years that i am an empath. it can seem like both a blessing and a curse, depending on the situation. lol i finally realized that this is truly a gift, though for years i struggled with absorbing absolutely everything from all directions. i am much better at being shields up when i need to be, but i still have a ways to go; it's especially difficult still when it comes to the people closest to me. i had even quit reading and watching the news, until very recently, because i could feel the horror and pain too clearly and i allowed myself to get overloaded.

thank you for your suggestions on how to handle being empathic. over the past few years i have begun to consider what it is I need, and i'm getting better at being still and listening to my intuition. it's helped tremendously as i work towards getting myself into balance. namaste.
11:27 PM on 09/15/2010
I'm not an empath.
03:41 AM on 09/14/2010
I am so thrilled to stumble upon this website by chance. Just most everything in the quiz, save for over indulgence in food, describes me to a scientific "T."

What I haven't found anyone to address the issue is of infirmed people, sometimes, by the time I get home, I am completely drained of energy and my hands get very cold and I pass out.

I barely could keep awake up to 3 days @ a time. I find that if I don't sleep what seems like 4Ever, I then get very sick, so I don't fight the system and just merely go with the flow. Just like with many of you, I have informed others of what is to become, maybe sometimes months, even years before they come to fruition.

So anyway, how do I protect myself from infirmed individuals who drain my energies right then and there on the spot? Just mere handshake or peck on the cheek or hugging a relative really are energy drainers (not necessarily emotional vampires). Many say I have an amazing gift, I say I have been living a nightmare of a curse.

Not that I don't love these individuals, I do and have come to be very fond of them and respect them. Just that I decided to completely shut myself off from the world because otherwise, I'd sleep forever. They don't realize they do this to me. They feel better, many say so. But I am drained.
06:43 PM on 09/14/2010
First there's the usual caveat - make sure to get checked out by a doctor. If things are okay, I would suggest looking into ways to shield from psychic vampires. I've found some useful things researching down that line. Many people drain energy from others without realizing what they are doing. Your sleepiness and coldness are very direct symptoms of the energy drain. One thing that may be easier than defense though is for you to find ways to replenish your energy connecting with nature, with divine energy. Also look into ways to separate your energy from these infirm relatives - sometimes what you are feeling isn't energy drain but empathicly linking to their state of being. So you are feeling okay and then you hug your 90 year old relative in the nursing home, suddenly you feel like you are 90 years old - but that's not really you.

You've brought up a great point though. Most books for empaths do not address how to deal with a situation where you must have regular contact with people who are very mentally or physically ill. Sometimes these people are family members who are loved, and it's not feasible to distance. It is a challenging situation no doubt. Good luck to you!
06:59 PM on 09/15/2010
I also suffered for years in much the way that you do, now. I took a class for clairvoyants that taught me how to ground and protect myself. Dr. Orloff's suggestions really are aligned with much of what I learned. I'm moving through the world much more easily now. It is such a relief to energetically be able to say "Namaste" to others without taking on their emotions and illness. I'll be posting a free grounding energy meditation on my web site in the next few days if you'd like to download it. The more you meditate, the easier it becomes. Like Dr. Orloff says, you'll be able to move through the world much more easily.

www.reikisight.com

Good luck!
07:02 PM on 09/13/2010
I am 8 for 8 on the questions on this list - so 100% empath. I am thrilled to see this article on such a mainstream website and gladdened to see a minimum of snarky comments. It's been great to read such thoughtful comments and to see there are so many of us out there. I've searched high and low for many years to try to reverse my "condition" and finally have decided that it is not a condition - it is how I am. There are many special gifts which come with burdens of this way of being. I would encourage all who identify with the empath description to check out Michael Smith's work here which I've found to be very helpful http://www.empathconnection.com/index2.html .
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Judith Orloff MD
Judith Orloff MD author Emotional Freedom, UCLA ps
11:01 PM on 09/13/2010
Thankyou for your beautiful comment and also for acknowledging all the other thoughtful comments posted. I too deeply appreciate what everyone has shared.
01:04 AM on 09/14/2010
I'd like to thank you too for your wonderful books - they've really spoken to me and helped me a great deal.
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Eyeful
Virtuous Raconteur
05:50 PM on 09/13/2010
I do not doubt people who identify themselves as being an Empath. However, the author encourages you to "cultivate this capacity and be comfortable with it", which may camouflage anxiety by invoking defense mechanisms to deflect whatever is making you uneasy.

Anxieties can compel us to back down or flee from exactly what we need to address. When you chronically avoid conflict or exit situations altogether because you are overly sensitive, your defenses take the line of least resistance - and the line of most resistance. The momentary empowerment that comes from defensive self-comforting is what's preventing you from developing the clear-headedness and discernment needed to overcome challenges. Learning how to let things roll off your back might be a more positive change than always trying to avoiding negativity.
06:57 PM on 09/13/2010
Eyeful, there is no "learning" to let things roll of one's back - that is the whole point that empaths cannot do this because they are so receptive everything gets inside. Think of yin and yang. Yin energy is all about being receptive, pulling in, while yang is all about pushing out. Empaths are dominated by yin energy. I have seen experts in multiple fields conventional and alternative over the last ten years and I have come to the conclusion that this is simply a state of being rather than something that can be cured. A true empath can no more easily shut it all out that you could easily let it all in.
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
MoreDimensions
08:05 PM on 09/13/2010
I have tried to shut down my empathic abilities and with this came away with more hardships than gains. The empathic response was still there it was just that I did not honor this process and how my spirit functioned.  Over time I have come to realize that I need to find peace with who I am and work with my abilities. 
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Eyeful
Virtuous Raconteur
09:39 PM on 09/13/2010
If you really believe there is no learning how to manage and/or filter what you perceive, then you've made my point.

My nephew has Asperger syndrome. He makes an effort to overcome this affliction by training himself in social skills. Although this is by no means a cure, by challenging himself to learn he's able to have more effective interpersonal interactions and function better in society. My point is, if being an Empath is something that affects your quality of life, then challenge yourself to overcome it. I doubt there can ever be freedom from emotions, but I do think there are methods to help intelligently filter emotions.

Best wishes.
02:02 PM on 09/13/2010
I discovered that I am an empath about ten years ago and the understanding of my natural leaning towards internalizing what is going on around me as my "own" problem has helped me beyond words. Over time I have learned that I can actually CHOOSE what I want to keep at arm's length and what I want to internalize. All I have to do is consciously examine how I feel from time to time. For people like me, events like 911 were enormously stressful, and yes, my weight jumped up AGAIN as a result of it. A few years ago I made the discovery that I am also an introvert....something that makes my friends laugh hysterically...and I had also thought I was an extrovert, until I came to understand that my ability to function with other people was learned and not my natural way of being. I do think there is probably a major overlap between introverts and empaths. It turns out that the real definition of "introvert" and "extrovert" has to do with energy. Introverts feel drained by being with other people too much and need time alone to recharge. Extroverts recharge by being with other people. 75% of the population is extroverted and our social, educational, political and commercial systems are based on delivering to the extrovert's needs and expectations. As a result of this excellent article I'll probably do a little more research into understanding the empath/introvert nexus.

http://winningtheobesitybattle.wordpress.com
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Judith Orloff MD
Judith Orloff MD author Emotional Freedom, UCLA ps
11:03 PM on 09/13/2010
Yes we can choose what we want to come close to us and what we want to keep at a distance. I am a huge fan of healthy boundary setting for empaths and everyone!
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02:48 AM on 09/13/2010
I just read the list. Okay, I've stopped laughing.

But where is the list about the characteristics of people who construct lists that take good human responses and make them out to be less than desirable so that said list-makers have a life-long career by making the human race out to be thoroughly nuts?

Anyone who thinks my leaving any and all events when I darn well please is a problem has a much bigger problem than my leaving events when I darn well please.I don't know exactly what that is, but it's big.

Perhaps the reason people get drained by being around groups of people is because professionals have made them all out to be loons when they are perfectly normal people. Who can relax when everyone around you is nuts according to the nuts who tell us all that we are nuts?

"Togetherness" is probably medical mumbo-jumbo code for "I demand you fulfill MY emotional needs" or else!
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MoreDimensions
08:09 PM on 09/13/2010
The empathic response is noticeable in infants and young children.
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02:17 AM on 09/13/2010
No, I'm not, but there was this lady on Star Trek......
01:22 AM on 09/13/2010
I would rather have a world full of people who have an overabundance of empathy than a world
composed of mostly sociopaths.
Unfortunately, I can see the latter being much more likely to happen.
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jasonedward
All ways are my ways.
02:55 AM on 09/13/2010
I'm not so sure I'd want to live in a world with an overabundance of empathy wherein the empathy was born out of a history that was most likely traumatic. Some sociopath probably caused it. An over abundance of the empathy described in this article displays a very unhealthy balance.

Self containment is a great way to build the foundation for being empathic, but to what you choose to be empathic to.
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Judith Orloff MD
Judith Orloff MD author Emotional Freedom, UCLA ps
11:06 PM on 09/13/2010
An overabundance of empathy can do the world some good!