Life can be painful. Without warning, our souls can be shattered by tragedy, betrayal, abandonment, abuse, financial ruin, or illness. And for most of us, these life-altering events will happen more than once. The only consistent factor is the choice such traumas offer us. With each heartbreak, we are free to respond in one of two ways. We can choose to be humbled or hardened.
People tend to build defensive barriers after traumatic episodes. We can become narcissistic or borderline, we can become depressed or anxious. We can become codependent or completely shut down. Some even become sociopaths or psychopaths. We do these things as coping mechanisms, subconsciously trying to protect ourselves from more emotional pain. Sometimes we are not even aware of what we do, projecting our own actions and beliefs onto another person or dissociating while blaming others for not connecting with us. We can become defiant or aggressive, violent or impulsive. We may even turn to drugs or alcohol, porn or gambling, bullying or over-working, anything to numb our own emotional suffering.
These defensive strategies may prevent us from being hurt, but they are also hardening our hearts. By building a protective shield, we prevent ourselves from loving and being loved -- which is, of course, the ultimate sin.
In the Christian faith (and many others), teachings suggest we are in this life to fulfill a purpose: to love God, to love all of creation, and to love ourselves. If we allow our wounds to harden us, we close our hearts off from love and therefore prevent ourselves from living the life we were born to live.
When life deals me blows, and trust me -- it's dealt me more than my fair share, I repeat to myself, again and again, "I will not allow this to harden me. I will not allow this to harden me."
Then, I ask myself, "What can I learn from this experience?"
- I listen to my inner voice and examine the lesson that is being given to me.
- I hurt, I grieve, I question, and I go through all the emotions that rise, but I try to welcome each wave with gratitude as if I'm being offered a gift, even in the suffering.
As much as the pain can overwhelm me at times, I try to zoom out for a wider view and remind myself that I am in a stretching season. The wound will forever be a part of me, but the intense and constant pain will not last forever. At least not at such an acute level. When it does begin to subside, I will emerge as a more humble and loving person because of the experience. In other words, these wounds will allow me to understand other people's journeys with greater empathy and compassion, and for that reason, the pain can be viewed as a tool that enables my soul to grow.
Tragedy, betrayal, abandonment, abuse, financial ruin, and illness? I've survived it all. And I refuse to let any of this harden me. I am here to love and be loved with an open and humble heart. And so are you.
You may not be able to control the traumas that have entered your life, but you are certainly in control of how you respond to them. Here's your chance to make a change. Now choose. Do you want to be hardened? Or humbled? Choose love. I dare you.
Learn more about Julie's work by visiting www.juliecantrell.com .
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