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Juliet Jeske

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John Mayer Doth Protest Too Much

Posted: 06/07/2012 4:08 pm

In a recent interview with Rolling Stone John Mayer revealed he was upset that his former flame Taylor Swift, wrote a song "Dear John" that is most likely about him. He confessed he was "really humiliated" and "I'm pretty good at taking accountability now, and I never did anything to deserve that. It was a really lousy thing for her to do."

1. Why now John, why now? Their affair was at least three years ago, the song debuted in 2010. Could it be that Taylor Swift has sort of eclipsed you? She went from being a bit of a child prodigy to a superstar, winning multiple awards and having legions of fans. When was the last John Mayer hit? I don't even know. John just released an album, which is at the No. 1 spot, perhaps that has something to do with suddenly expressing his feelings TWO YEARS after the fact. Gotta push that product! What better way than to diss an old girlfriend! A true class act.

2. John, this is what happens when you date a 19-year-old Three years ago, John was 31 and Taylor was 19. I am sure that Ms. Swift overwhelmed by his looks, charm and celebrity plunged into a relationship without realizing what she was getting into. Even a 19-year-old with a successful recording career is not going to successfully navigate the manipulations of a 31-year-old man. Teenagers are emotional, vulnerable, insecure creatures who need much more attention than more sedate women in their early 30s. Teenagers do best with other teenagers. If you want drama, date a teenager!

3. John, this is what happens when you date another artist John, are you shocked that a singer/songwriter might have actually written a song based on their life? Are you seriously surprised by this? You can't expect every former lover to pen love ballads in your honor. This comes with the territory.

4. John, this is what happens when you date other celebrities I know it is a habit for most celebrities to date other celebrities, but not all of them do it. Hollywood has plenty of examples of an A-list star with a non-famous spouse, or a maybe a significant other who is less high-profile. If you want to date someone like Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Love Hewitt... you will have those who speculate about your very public romances. Get over it.

5. John, Pot Kettle Black I think this is the part that is what really gets under my skin about this dude. And yes, I am calling him a dude. Let's just quote him here shall we? And I found it all in one amazing source which I will gladly give credit to right here at CoEdMagazine John Mayer's 16 Douchiest Quotes So Far And I like how the author titled it "so far" as we know unless he loses the ability to speak...he will say more douche bag quotes in the future. Oh joy! And this other nifty slide show, of 9 of his Douchiest Quotes right here on The Huffington Post.

On Jessica Simpson -- "That girl, for me, is a drug. And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me." I guess he meant this as a compliment, but what woman likes being compared to a potent drug that destroys people's lives? Plus, crack is cheap. If you are going to use the analogy of a drug, at least compare her to cocaine or heroin something a bit less gutter trash. Everyone knows crack is whack.

Or this quote about Jennifer Aniston "I met a girl one time in Vegas. Her name was Dimples, and the 's' in Dimples was a dollar sign... I have this weird feeling, a pride thing, for the people I've had relationships with. I still feel like I'm with them, in the sense that if I f--ed Dimples, what does that say about someone like Jen? I feel like it's all connected. How could I ever cosmically relate these two people?" What the heck is that about? So you only have relationships with famous people and not with people with stupid names, NO MATTER HOW HOT THEY ARE! You have standards John and we love you for it.

And then of course we have racist John... "My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a fuckin' David Duke cock. I'm going to start dating separately from my dick." Wow what do you even say to that? David Duke Dick? I mean, really.

John Mayer reminds me of the guy we all knew in college who had pretty much slept with nearly everyone. At first his conquests thought they were the lucky ones, he was good-looking, charming, seemed to have it together... until later ...they didn't even want to admit they knew him. Sell your albums John, and shut up! Although I think all of this buzz may have helped to sell some for Ms. Swift. I didn't even know this song existed until John Mayer started whining about it.

 

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