What follows is parable anticipating 2008. It is inspired my wife's observation that George W. Bush is like the worst boyfriend ever, and written from that perspective.
Once we figure out that we have a bad boyfriend, we have to dump him if we can. But then we get into cycles, often choosing the next one because he seems totally different; sometimes we choose him because he's similar and we can't believe we made such a bad mistake. Our last boyfriend -- the one who was just before our current creep -- was really handsome, smart, musical and popular. Everyone in the world liked him. But he didn't always tell the truth and couldn't keep his hands off other women and it hurt our feelings by the time we said goodbye.
So we looked next for someone who seemed like the opposite. We decided to choose between two guys who were less cool, not womanizers, steady and sincere. In the middle of an agonizing decision, one of them forced himself on us even though we favored the duller but more thoughtful one. He got us in front of a judge when we were vulnerable and the next thing we knew, he was spending all our hard-earned savings, and telling us that he was doing it for our own good. He wasn't interested in other women, but he wasn't interested in us, either. In fact, it's possible -- because we met some of his "friends" -- that he didn't like women at all.
We had always paid our bills on time, but this guy said it wasn't necessary, and he blew all our money on radar systems and high-tech cameras to protect our home from intruders. He put us in massive debt before he walked away for good -- arm in arm with the radar/camera contractors who had been his secret friends. He really wanted access to the oil in the neighbor's back yard.
So now we've had it with this one, feeling that he can't leave soon enough. So how do we find the next one? How about someone completely different? Maybe a woman would be better (no testosterone to deal with) or a young African-American or a gentle Hispanic man or a really short guy who seems kind of out there, but who really wants to change things -- and he gets really neat girls to like him.
Then there are those old guys with all the grey hair -- they're experienced and really know how to treat a country. And then there is that cute Southern guy who keeps talking about his dad. What about the guy who doesn't believe in evolution, or that other one who married his cousin and hangs out with the mob. The Mormon is kind of cute, but there's the whole polygamy thing to consider, not to mention the special underwear. And there is that tall bald guy who looks much older in person than he did on TV. Oh yes, there's a man who was in a cage for five years somewhere -- but at least he has a good sense of humor.
Now we are scared to make yet another bad decision. Maybe we'd better take the time to think about why we keep screwing up -- is it that we listen too much to our friends (read: media) telling us who to choose? We need to look at who we really are and the difference between what we want and what we really need, so we can better check out our choices and not leap into yet another disappointing relationship.