Dear Caitlyn,
I write this letter in hopes that it will somehow find its way into your hands, for I genuinely wish you all the best. No doubt, you are a trailblazer in your own right. But the trail that you are blazing is veering in a direction that gives me pause. In a recent interview with Time magazine, you claimed, "if you look like a man in a dress, it makes people uncomfortable." Being honest, my head shook as I read this. But then Cosmo's pop culture editor Alex Rees published your full statement:
I think it's much easier for a trans woman or a trans man who authentically kind of looks and plays the role. So what I call my presentation. I try to take that seriously. I think it puts people at ease. If you're out there and, to be honest with you, if you look like a man in a dress, it makes people uncomfortable. So the first thing I can do is try to present myself well. I want to dress well. I want to look good. When I go out, as Kim says, you've got to rock it because the paparazzi will be there. -- Caitlyn Jenner to Time
At this point, my heart sank. Your words had a particularly bite, which left a bitter aftertaste. Coincidentally, I had just blogged about my own struggle with notions of 'respectability' and presentation -- so I can empathize with your sentiments on some level. Coming of age as a Black gay boy in Tennessee was a harrowing experience; from an early age I knew that my black skin made others uncomfortable. Anxious and afraid, I learned to hide it behind my 'whiteness' -- my clothes, my speech, my privilege and my light complexion. After coming out at 15, I leaned on respectability more than ever, for I knew that being openly gay and Black meant that my presence was not only uncomfortable, but also offensive. And so I learned to hide my queerness too.
For many people, blending in by being 'respectable' is necessary for any chance of success, if not survival, in their prejudiced or queerphobic environment. But respectability of this sort, commonly referred to as 'passing,' should not be framed as the ideal. Such an emphasis on 'passing' is reductive and damaging, as it reinforces stereotypes and archetypes of femininity, masculinity and gender presentation. For me, it would take three years (and a few therapy sessions) of intensive soul-searching for me to forgive myself for 13 years of self-hatred.
Having been a kid who was made to relearn how to walk without switching, and to talk without limp wrists, I hope that you would not use your status, privilege and reach to prescribe a similar regimen of self-consciousness. Queer youth already face this misguided messaging from friends, family and strangers who are admittedly less well-intentioned as you. As I see it, respectability politics corrodes the diversity and spirit of unapologetic individuality that the Queer community celebrates.
Part of me would like to think that you wished you had the time, space and anonymity to explore your identity without the public's intense scrutiny. I wish you had this too. But the reality is that, owing to the media's fascination with your transition, you have been catapulted to the forefront of our collective conscience. Sooner than I gained the confidence to wear my new leather tights around campus, the media took you from Bruce, Olympic champion and reality star to Caitlyn, trans champion and Glamour's Woman of the Year.
I find it disingenuous that society should pressure celebrities into taking on the role of advocates simply for having a particular identity, medical condition or life experience. The same is not asked of the rest of us. But it is a choice that you can make for yourself; and it seems that you chose to offer yourself to society as an advocate. But with that comes a responsibility to the cause and the people in it. I would suspect the learning curve you face currently is overwhelming, if not burdensome. I was so excited to see you grace the cover of Vanity Fair, for I thought this might push trans issues further into the mainstream. Unfortunately, it has been incredibly disappointing to watch you continue to use this spotlight and space to make disparaging and misplaced remarks that we would never expect from any advocate for the trans or queer community, least of all you.
Glamour Magazine and ESPN awarded you for the courage you have shown in boldly coming out to the world as a trans woman. You have made it to where you are because you stand on the shoulders of giants -- like Janet Mock and Laverne Cox, who too stand on the shoulders of their predecessors. It is hard to believe that such giants were inspired by trans women who disparaged other trans women, or promoted transphobic ideals. Now, again, I am not trans; but I am a loving friend and ally to many trans men and women. And everyone needs a hero. So I ask that you please rethink your politics of respectability, or at least your choice to promote them, for I don't know where I would be today -- or in what condition -- if my hero had given an interview like yours back when I was coming of age in Tennessee.
All the best,
Justin Maffett
Senior, Dartmouth College