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The 10 Commandments, Mom Style

03/30/2015 05:35 pm ET | Updated May 30, 2015

Since it's one of the times of the year when most everyone I know is celebrating something religious, I thought it would be fitting to do a post with some religious undertones.

Exodus tells the story of how the Jews, having escaped slavery in Egypt, were wandering the dessert. Moses got word to climb Mount Sinai, where he was given the 10 Commandments, a list of expected behaviors for all.

This got me thinking. In my house, I have a list of expected behaviors, too. I, by no means consider myself to be divine. Nor do I mean any disrespect to my religion or any other. But through all this Bible talk, I've had an epiphany. What my household needs is not just the 10 Commandments from the Bible, but our own 10 Commandments of my home.

So, I'm starting with G-d's, because they are a perfect example of the expectations of the morals and values I, too, expect in my home. But I need to change them, just a little, to fit the circumstances.

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The 10 Commandments of my home:

1. I am your Mother. I went through hell to conceive you, used all the toilet paper in the land while carrying you and suffered a lengthy and excruciating ordeal to have you. You will accept me as your Mother or I will farm you out into bondage.

2. Thou shalt have no other mother besides me. I do not care how much nicer you think every other mother on the planet is; I am yours and you are stuck with me and only me.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of your mother in vain. Just so we're clear, this means you can't swear at me, OR call anyone else a mother... anything.

4. Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. Give me a break, at the very least on the weekends.

5. Honor thy father and thy mother. Notice how I've generously included Dad in this one.

6. Thou shalt not kill. No matter what consequences you've suffered for whatever action you decided to take, you cannot have murderous thoughts towards me. Change your behavior, 'cause I'm here to stay.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. If you even know what this is, you're grounded for life.

8. Thou shalt not steal. That means that what's mine is mine. You cannot take my things and then try to pretend I never had them. I KNOW it was there yesterday.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against your neighbor. STOP blaming your brother. I'm not stupid, I know it was you.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house. Do well in school, get into college, get a good job and buy a bigger one.

And thou shalt love thy mother with all thy heart, and with all thy soul and with all thy might.

Or there will be an exodus. And it will not be mine.

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Click here for Charoses recipe

This piece was previously posted as Baking In A Tornado, The Ten Commandments

Karen is a former Director of Social Service and Retail Buyer, now adjusting to a semi-empty nest. She blogs and shares recipes at BakingInATornado.com
Karen's been featured on websites including BlogHer, The Daily Meal, Mamapedia, Scary Mommy, GenerationFabulous, Treat a Day, Foodie Network, Wellnez TV, Midlife Boulevard, and BA50. She's a BlogHer Influencer as well as a contributor to The Culinary Content Network and Felicity Huffman's What the Flicka. Karen has been published in the Life Well Blogged series and co-authored the book The Mother of all Meltdowns.
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