He's Just Not That Into You...

Recently the movie based on the book He's Just Not That Into You came out to theaters. What gets me wondering is whether people will finally get the message. As a girl growing up, I was always desperate to be loved. I always had boyfriends and had no problems around that except for one thing....many of my boyfriends were absolutely no good for me or my self-esteem. Of course, I attracted that because I had low self-esteem. Then, one day in my late 20's or early 30's, everything changed. I stopped looking for love and started enjoying being with me and finding out what I wanted from my life. When Geoff, my sweetheart, came into my life shortly thereafter, I was ready for him...or at least pretty ready. You see, he called when he said he was going to call. He looked thrilled to see me and he was nice to me and excited to introduce me to his friends.

What did I do? I kept looking for flaws -- he was too good to be true, so much so that I almost started picking fights because I couldn't understand why he was so good to me and then I stopped. He was exactly what I had been hoping for but I had to grow into the person that could accept that level of love, sharing and intimacy. And I did, I just accepted that I was good enough to be treated well.

Did you get that? I finally allowed myself to be treated well! Every week I get emails from people who want a particular person in their life -- usually someone that has already been in their life and has moved on. The writer usually wants to know how to get that person back. (And yes, I am so guilty of this in my past!) It breaks my heart because everyone deserves to have the "Mr. Right" or "Miss Right." What ends up happening is that the focus of these writers is on what is no longer a match for them. That's a focus on lack, not love. Dr. Phil said it the best: your boyfriend or girlfriend should be treating you as the special person you really are (or something along those lines!). In any case, all of us deserve to be treated wonderfully and if someone in your life isn't treating you that way, they don't deserve to be in your life.

Get this -- focus on the great times you had with the other person, focus on the qualities (not the person) that you loved and then focus on being good to yourself. If that person who is now gone is meant to be with you -- they will be attracted back to you by the focus on the good stuff rather than the focus on getting them back. Truly, that rarely works out in the long run.

Also, get this -- we all will move heaven and earth to be with the person we really want to be with and if someone is not doing that for you, don't make up excuses for them. They are not the right person for you and vice versa....period.

If you can do these few things and accept this new understanding into your consciousness you will turn a new page in your life and it will ROCK!

Comments

[Chelsea-Lyn Rudder - Huffpost Blogger]

I can really relate to this piece because I am going through the “awakening” that you discussed right now! After years of chasing someone that just was not right for me I am finally with someone who truly adores and appreciates me. I have to admit he is not the package that I expected, but on the inside he is everything that I have wanted.

[Dale Koppel]

It took me three years doing online dating before I met my Mr. Right. And along that journey, I dated hundreds - yes, hundreds - of men. I always trusted my gut and quickly moved on to Mr. Next. However, that didn't mean that I discarded everyone. This was not just about finding Mr. Right; it was about enhancing and expanding my life - social and otherwise. By the end of three years, I had cultivated what I called "Composite Man" - six men who had developed into good friends, each offering me something that I needed/wanted. I figured, if I can't meet one man who can give me everything, then I could find a handful of men who could, when I put them all together, be my "Mr. Rights." It worked for me. And four of them are still my friends. But there's nothing like finding "the one." It just takes time, and while you're waiting, why not have a good time? As I say in my book, THE INTELLIGENT WOMAN'S GUIDE TO ONLINE DATING: And She Lived Happily Ever www.theintelligentwomansguide.comm), everyone has a number. You just don't know what that number is!

[NickyD]

And never settle for anything less!!