07/06/2007 05:44 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Happy Birthday President Bush!

Happy Birthday President Bush!

I am on a lot of weird mailing lists. A few days ago, Robert M. "Mike" Duncan - RNC Chairman sent me an e-mail asking me to help President Bush celebrate his 61st Birthday. Mike urged me not to miss this opportunity wish the President a "Happy Birthday" by signing the RNC's eCard.

Mike told me that I could make this an extra special birthday on July 6 and that Mrs. Bush will be presenting the President with this birthday wish from supporters like me. And Mike asked me for cash.

For $61 dollars.

Mike asked me to consider celebrating President Bush's birthday with a gift that the entire Republican Party could share and that my "secure online donation of $61 (or whatever I could afford) will help keep the RNC's preparations for electing more Republicans in the 2007-2008 election cycle on track."

On track? Wow, they are delusional! Haven't they heard that the Democratic candidates have given the GOP a beat-down when it comes to cash, Obama-style?

Then I thought, "what do you buy the man who has everything?" Bush already has Crocs, a flight suit and an optional civil war in Iraq based on cooked-up intell. What more could a man want?

Plus, I bet his friends are going to kick it up a notch this year. It makes me wonder. Is buying Bush a birthday gift like shopping for Tony Soprano?

What do you get the Mob Boss who has everything? It can't be a gag gift, it can't be too cheap and it can't be a share in Pie-o-Mie.

It has to be just right...or else.

Man, that's a lot of pressure! Everyone is sweating over what to get the boss.

You know his school-girl crush tag-team of Condi and Harriet are in a locked-cage shopping match vying for THE stand out gift. Look at me, Georgie B! May the best girl win!

My money is on Condi with her plane tickets to Albania!

Having the US Attorney scandal looming threw Gonzo off his game. He's going to be a no-show. He couldn't "recall" the upcoming birthday and didn't get anything for the President.

Lucky for Gonzo, the gift of "helping President Bush avoid jury duty in a drunken driving case back in 1996" is the gift that apparently keeps giving.

Cheney has some serious bank. He is Halliburton Rich. Move over MTV's "My Super Sweet Sixteen". Cheney going to make it Bush's "My Super Sweet Sixty-One".

Imagine the look of disappointment on Condi's face when Cheney announces he BOUGHT Albania for Bush.

Albania. The Whole Country. Booyah.

Dang. That's why Cheney is top dog. He's his OWN government branch, damn it. Chew on that, Condi.

Besides, after that whole Scooter thing, buying Albania for Bush is the LEAST he could do.

So, I clicked over to see the President's birthday eCard on the RNC website.

The President's birthday's eCard says:

"May this day and every day be filled with family, friends and good cheer.
Best Wishes on your 61st Birthday, President Bush."

Then there's a space where for some cash, you can add your name and a personalized message for the President.

But there's a catch:

Birthday Message
(Up to 250 Characters)

You are limited to mere 250 words. Where to start? What's on your eCard for President Bush?

Then this caught my eye:

(Note: credit cards MUST be personal - not corporate)

MUST be personal - not corporate.

It made me wonder? Do the corporate checks go through Cheney's energy task force?

Happy Birthday President Bush.