Happy new year! At least I hope 2009 is a happy one. With this in mind, here's a quickie happiness tip - in a mere 14 words:
It is better to be a little wrong than very right and very alone.
What do I mean by those powerful 14 words?
1. If you're having repeated relationship problems -- consistently thinking "I'm okay, everybody else sucks" -- it's time to start wondering what you (yes, li'l you) might be contributing to those "deja vu people problems" around you.
2. Make sure you're valuing the right qualities in others and yourself. For example, stop over-valuing "unwavering perfection" "unwavering agreement" and "the ability to mindread one's every thought and need without openly communicating." Next up, reappreciate these more important qualities: "loving heart" "wanting clarity and communion via honest dialogue" "appropriately-sized ego which is open to new POV's" and "flexible, growth-oriented nature." Keep these qualities in mind next time you're in a conflict with someone.
3. Consider saying the following tongue-twisters more to people: "How do you see things?" "How might I have hurt you?" "How could I better empathize with what you're going through?" "You talk first -- because I really want to hear how you feel and understand you better." "I really want to grow as a person and am willing to hear how I might have contributed to your hurt and/or anger." "I'm sorry." "I apologize."
This year promise yourself that next time you're in conflict with someone you will ask yourself if you really do find it so joyously preferable to feel so very, very right all the time. Because if you do, you will repeatedly -- simultaneously -- wind up finding yourself very, very alone.
Follow Karen Salmansohn on Twitter: www.twitter.com/notsalmon