Would you wait 90 days to have sex with someone you were crushing on? Steve Harvey in his NY Times Best Selling book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, advises women hold out not put out for a full 3 months of dating. Harvey's theory: It's a good screening technique for women to find out if a man is simply "sport fishing" -- or looking for "a keeper."
Harvey confesses this waiting period might be difficult, so advises filling in the free time with (no joke) playing marbles/jacks, arcade games and board games -- to offer just a few ideas from a long list on pages 159 -161.
I found Harvey's 90 Day Rule intriguing -- and controversial. And so I decided to pass it by another guy author of a dating book -- Brad Berkowitz, who penned the terrifically helpful 21st Century Guide to Bachelorhood: Lessons Learned Over 20 Years.
"It's good for both the guy and girl not to jump in too quickly sexually," says Berkowitz. "If they sleep together too soon, the girl will think the guy is a player, and the guy will think the girl is sleazy. But 90 days does seem a bit long. It's best for the couple to speak openly, and find a time period which feels comfortable for each. And the girl should know, if the guy pushes too hard for sex, it means the guys doesn't really care about the woman."
Yes, even with the infinite freewheeling sexual escapades of Sex And the City -- which you'd think would have created a freewheeling Sex And The Entire Country mentality -- it's still an old fashioned world when it comes to sex. Even in 2009, both guy self-help authors remind: If you sleep with someone very quickly, you risk the relationship ending very quickly.
Berkowitz book is short and to the point -- and a great read for both men and women. Basically, his book is a wake up call for good manners -- a reminder to guys to be conscious of behaving like "gentlemen." Berkowitz advises that after sex, a man must call the woman that very night, have a warm conversation, and ask the girl out during this conversation. "Texting after sex is very bad post-sex etiquette," says Berkowitz. " It's informal, unemotional, and shows no effort."
Another "good manners for modern times" tip from Berkowitz' book: Guys should not pick a restaurant across the street from someone's apartment -- because it shows the girl he's hoping to chow down and get down. The guy should show a little ingenuity and effort, and find an unexplored restaurant which is not a hop, skip and jumping-bones distance from someone's home.
I gotta say, it was refreshing to read both recently published male self help authors simultaneously promote old fashioned values. Personally, I like to wait a while before sleeping with a man. I have always felt that if you sleep with someone too soon, it's like microwaving something versus using a conventional oven. Things always come out differently in a microwave oven.
Plus, I also believe too many people are looking for love in all the wrong places. It's found in the heart -- not the vageegee (I love that word). If love were indeed found more in the vageegee and not the heart, why aren't images of vageegees found on valentines day cards? And wouldn't we write love notes signed: "I (vageegee shape) you" and give vageegee shaped boxes of candy?
Hey, but that's just my old-fashioned gal opinion!
Feel free to share your opinions below.
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