The College Insider: Admissions Freakout Countdown #5: The Application Essay - Whose Life Is It, Anyway?

I can't think of a gentle way to say this so I'll just be frank. No one - well, there might be an exception that proves the rule, but essentially no one - is going to accept a college applicant who writes like a dream about a topic no other applicant thought of if the kid's test scores, GPA, and course profile aren't competitive.

Your senior is at this point on the umptee-umpth draft of an essay that is supposed to make him or her stand above the crowd, but I am here to tell you, as both a writer and a parent, that you might as well deflect some of that energy into cleaning out the garage. Give it a good try, as defined by the New York Times, but please, don't precipitate an identity crisis.

Three reasons why:

1. I recall a public university representative confessing on a tour that the admissions people only read the full apps of seniors whose scores and GPAs were above a certain threshold. Below that line, essays worthy of fill in your favorite writer here went unread.

2. As many professional writers and lots of seniors will tell you, 500 words is a tough length; too long for glib, too short for substance.

3. The standard supportive advice is "be yourself" - but you are competing with applicants whose parents enhance "self" with the extracurricular equivalent of 'roids, everything from international community service to a networked internship for a child whose most remarkable trait may well be his parents' connections.

To make matters worse, the recession has hit college-counseling programs, if not colleges themselves. Fewer high school counselors have to manage more students applying to more colleges. Subjective elements like essays are going to get short shrift.

But old capitalists never die; they just relocate. Google "college essay advice" and you get over nine million sites. The first screen alone is full of web-based college counseling services offering assistance from an array of ex-college admissions officers and writers scrambling to survive the death of print media.

No, not offering, selling. A site called www.iAdmissions.com takes the relative high road, offering a mix of free advice and relatively reasonable essay-planning packages; if a family has no resources at school, $299 in the grand scheme of college costs can feel like a deal for suggestions from someone like John Reider, a former Stanford admissions officer who developed the site's curriculum. On the other hand, www.accepted.com made me anxious, and our daughter's already a junior in college. You can't read about the '5 Fatal Flaws' to avoid in a college essay unless you purchase them, of course - and while you can cheap out at $250 per hour, the real deal is the packages of services that run from $840 into the thousands of dollars. So now you can worry not only about the essay itself but about the tactical edge wealthier or more profligate customers are getting.

At which point one might stop and ask: If the candidate requires so much remedial help to turn out a 500-word essay, what was he or she doing during English class all these years?
I know, I know, it's all about strategy. But before you hand over your credit card, be aware that the playing field is still riddled with potholes. I once heard a girl brag to her friends that she had lied in her essay, inflating an admirable but rather mundane accomplishment into a stratospherically impressive feat. And why not, she wondered aloud. It's not like anyone has the time to fact-check application essays

Never thought of that, did you? There's nothing you can do about the James Freys of the class of 2010, but you can have a couple of tips from me, absolutely free. They may seem insignificant at first, but they are the product of an adult life spent putting words on paper and web sites, and you'd be amazed at the difference they can make:

1. Never - ever - use the passive tense. It's not "The huts in Fiji were built by myself and four other volunteers." It's "I worked with four other volunteers to build six huts in Fiji."

2. Make sure your senior knows the difference between "it's," a contraction that means "it is," and "its", which is possessive, as in the dog ate its bone. Honest. Lots of them still don't.

3. One adjective per noun will probably do it.

That's it. Let me know how it turns out.

Next: Admissions Freakout Countdown #6: The College Tour; Up Close and Personal with the Competition.

Karen Stabiner's novel about college admissions, GETTING IN, will be published by Hyperion Books in March 2010. Write to her at [e-mail].

 

Comments

[Maxene Fabe Mulford]

Why the college essay?1851. Francis J. Child, Harvard professor of Rhetoric has just returned from an exhilarating 3-year stint studying drama and philology at the Universities of Berlin and Göttingen. Unlike Harvard, professors there do not have to lecture on Classic Oratory and Forensics; they conduct pioneering research the way the Brothers Grimm do. Upon his return, Child tells Harvard that unless some changes are made, he will be departing for Johns Hopkins, the first American university based on the German model. Harvard hastily kowtows. The mandatory composition course he detests: kaput! In its place: English Literature, a brand new course of study that will draw upon a required reading list of 50 books soon known as “The Harvard Classics.” Child can now devote his energy to his academic passion: cataloging English and Scottish ballads. Still, how to guarantee that incoming freshmen will be able to write clearly and concisely if Harvard no longer teaches rhetoric, oratory, and English composition? In 1874, an ingenious pass-the-buck solution evolves, which other colleges hasten to adopt: “…each candidate for admission will be required to write a short English composition, correct in spelling, punctuation, grammar and expression, the subject to be taken from one of the following works: Shakespeare’s Tempest, Julius Caesar, and The Merchant of Venice; Goldsmith’s Vicar of Wakefield; Scott’s Ivanhoe and Lay of the Last Minstrel.” Already KNOWING how to write becomes a prerequisite for admission.

[Shuchi]

You're right. (High) SAT scores + (a high) GPA is the first sieve applications go through. Of the ones that make it through - there are 4 main considerations according to this article on SmartBean which pulls excerpts from a book by Derek Bok and William Bowen - former Presidents of Harvard and Princeton, respectively. The article describes, in Bowen and Bok's words, the admissions process especially at highly selective, elite institutions. Check it out - http://www.thesmartbean.com/magazine/counseling/college-admissions-what-colleges-look-for-in-applicants/

And Good Luck, all :)

[deridaa]

Entertain them by making the addmissions office feel that by "accepting" you in their 'club' or 'community' this action will somehow enhance their moral position as an evolved planet loving, community minded, inclusive gatekeeper. Read what they read- watch TV they watch- then write what they want to read- ENTERTAIN THEIR INNER CHILD! Keep your SATs high, your grades higher and remember if you are rich or part of a minority group there is a place for you in the club. If you are extremely smart with everything going for you and you lack wealth, a sports credential, color, LGBTI, or femaleness then you are at an extreme disadvantage. If you understand all of this you will not be disappointed you will understand the industry of Higher Education. The process is meant to be as humiliating as applying to a country club without a solid list of sponsors despite the soundbytes you hear about caring for the student. The entire process is admission bait and switch- to ignore the backstory and believe the brochures is foolhardy. The rich and powerful know this- so wake up.

[deridaa]

In my humble opinion most admission officers are PC minded, average intelligence, rather uninspired bureaucrats worried about keeping their jobs by making the admissions director happy. No matter how incompetent an admissions director is unless there is a scandal that cannot be pushed under the University rug accept it-the directors are there for generations. Their political agenda fuels the definition of the " best and the brightest" Now the best and the brightest are not necessarily that- they might be the richest- most disadvantaged- and best of show for the purpose of creating poster children for the schools PR agenda. So be careful not to push your soap opera essay over the top rather make it enjoyable for the admissions office pedestrian minds. Entertain average minded people who consider themselves on par with faculty. Don't go near praising Rush Limbaugh no matter how passionate you feel- admission offices control population selection for liberal minded universities. All this about "truth" is hogwash.

[ElvisGump]

I think the best admissions essay of all time will always be this one:

http://myselfdevelopment.net/index.php/2007/09/21/my-sensuous-and-godlike-trombone-playing/

[Olive]

That was lovely - thank you!

[neoteny]

Never use the passive tense, huh? Surely an adult life spent putting words on paper and web sites has taught Ms Stabiner that the passive *voice* can sometimes be useful -- for example, in improving emphasis. Contrast "Karen Stabiner's novel about college admissions, GETTING IN, will be published by Hyperion Books in March 2010", which places the emphasis where it should be: on Karen Stabiner's novel, with "Hyperion Books will publish Karen Stabiner's novel about college admissions, GETTING IN, in March 2010", which places too much emphasis on the publisher.

[Karen Stabiner - Huffpost Blogger]

Got me there, hm? Probably not worth addressing the difference between an essay and an announcement. I stand where I stand, for better or worse: Avoid the passive voice or tense whenever you can, unless there's no other way to say what you want to say clearly. Or become a lawyer or a doctor, because those are professions that prize that kind of delivery.

If it's any consolation to anyone, I cannot even recall the subject of my college essay.

[gethane]

Actually, since I'm in law school right now and in a writing seminar, I can say that is incorrect. They tell us not to use passive voice either, except in situations noted by the previous poster, for emphasis.

[thedogatemyhomework]

Let's not forget individual subject SAT tutors! For attempt #3 of the SAT, senior daughter took four private Math sessions with an expert at $150 an hour, in the month leading up to the test. I'm embarassed to admit we paid $600 for four measly hours with this highly recommended tutor. The result: Her math score was the lowest of her three SAT tries. There was no guarantee, of course.