8 Ways To Kick An Online Rut And Start Socializing

I don't know about you, but to me, June equates to being outside. Weddings, graduations, picnics and parties; its as if we are all coming out of our winter hibernation, basking in the sunlight, and feeling eager for some old fashioned socializing. Yet, is a little blinking screen or buzzing hand held device getting in the way of truly being present and available?

Do you have a rich social relationship with your iPod, or spend vast amounts of time typing witty quips on Twitter? Do you have carpel tunnel wrists, and texting thumbs? Do you email your neighbor a question, instead of walking outside to ask, or Facebook your kids when they are in the next room? It's an Online Rut! I know I am ready to ditch my keyboard for awhile, and put my fingers in the sand instead.

Ironic that our modern times require scheduling to engage in the simple joys of life, yet it is critical to focus on neglected friendships, reconnect with significant others, and create quality time with the family, to balance our modern cerebral lifestyles. Two weeks ago,I offered up the top ten positive emotions as a way to start lightening up the Inner life. Last week, I discussed the concept of Curiosity and how it can be used as a tool to propel us forward in life.

This week, the focus is to put positive emotions and curiosity to work in expanding or developing a tangible community around us. Ask any researcher in the social sciences, and they will agree, those with strong personal friendships are the happiest and healthiest.

Dr. Henrie Weisinger contacted me after last week's column to share interesting work he has conducted using the power of curiosity, and other basic instincts to enhance our relationships. His new book, The Genius of Instinct is an excellent compliment to the running dialogue. Dr. Weisinger writes:

To Act Curiously is another way of saying "explore and investigate." These behaviors bring your curiosity instincts to life. One way is to engage in novel and fun activities. Novelty arouses, and fun makes changes pleasurable. Together, these factors make it easier for you to get out of your comfort zone, explore and create.

I love this idea, and believe one of the best examples of balancing healthy social relationships is with President and Michelle Obama. The level of "social normalcy" they are determined to bring to the White House is beyond impressive. They are literally creating a new paradigm for what it means to be in power, coupled with unprecendented access, and setting examples of how to relate to one another in daily life.

If the leader of the free world can show up in jeans and sneakers to cheer on his daughter at a soccer game, deliver a landmark speech to the Muslim nation, and take his wife on a date within a week's time, I think the rest of us can conquer our "to do" lists, and find time to enjoy the ones we love in special ways too. No excuses!

Here are eight ideas to tempt you away from your desk, or hand held devices this June, and into an environment sure to brighten your day, awaken your curiosity, inspire positivity, and bring you closer to those most important in your life:

1. Have a Date Night. - It's Hip! Follow the Obama trend and have a date with your partner regularly. Make a pact not to talk about work or the kids, and instead tell funny stories, read poetry, reminisce about when you met, and pay each other at least five compliments before the night is over.

2."Thorns & Roses" at Dinner - Another White House Tradition! At your evening meal, have each person share one "thorn" or tough part of their day, and one "rose" or great part. It's a fantastic tool for couples or families to frame a lively conversation.

3. Get out the Board Games - Make one evening per week a "No Screen" evening, or maybe just a "No Screen HOUR!" Dust off the old Scrabble game, chess board or deck of cards. I guarantee an evening of easy laughter and comfort down to your toes.

4. Take a Walk Each Day - Even if you have to get up early, like Michelle does for the morning dog walk, or late in the evening as President Obama does, taking a 15-20 minute walk is a medicine like no other. Dog or no, it is precious time to be alone, talk out loud, breathe fresh air and notice the simplicities of Nature.

5. Start a Regular Neighborhood Pot Luck - Rebuild a community in your own backyard. Call your neighbors and invite them to meet to a weekly or bi-weekly BBQ. Meet at a local park, or take turns hosting. Some ground rules: no excessive cleaning or cooking! Setting a regular date makes things easier, and allows a chance to include folks you may not know very well. It is always a great time - rain or shine!

6. Plan a Meaningful Event for Someone Who is Struggling - Invite a small group together to help support a friend who has been diagnosed with cancer, lost a loved one, or is just feeling blue. Create a special gift everyone can contribute to, as a keepsake and reminder of your collective love and support.

7. Take a Class - Check out the local community center and enroll in a short class that is new to you: yoga, painting, sailing or photography. Its a short commitment, and a great opportunity to meet new people, engage your curiosity and push everyday stress aside.

8. Volunteer - Anyone can spend an afternoon helping stock cans at a food bank, sorting clothes at Good Will or reading to children at a city elementary school. What you receive is always more than you give.

So, how 'bout it readers? Ready to ditch the keyboard and come out to play? Drop me a comment or two before you go, and have a great time! To receive weekly updates of my Sunday column, click on the "Become a Fan" button.

Comments

[walk0nwalls]

But what to do when you've given up hope on your larger community?

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi Kari,

great blog-

all I can say is all 8 are spot on- maybe it is best to just do different ones and then juggle them around

Just have fun- life is a gift and meant to be enjoyed.

Big Love,

Ed

[jafd]

Salutations!

Note that there have been a lot of new and interesting board games published in the past ten years or so, many of which aren't familiar to the general public yet. _Settlers of Catan_ and _Ticket to Ride_ may be in your local 'big-box-t­oy-store', but check the rankings and postings on BoardGameGeek.Com, and you may find something new to interest your family or friends. BGG also has listings for local game groups, etc.

[DennyCrane]

This is a great article, but many are just flat out addicted. I've lost friendships because the other person couldn't pull themselves away from their computers or other toys. It's sad when you can't talk to a friend unless it's through texting or Facebook. People make time for the things and people that matter to them and if they can't put down the PDA or push back from the keyboard enough to make time for you, they're not worth your time.

[Kari Henley - Huffpost Blogger]

Hey Denny Crane!
Great username!
I am sorry to hear that.
Wow.
It is amazing such new technologies have become consuming to the detriment of others.
Finding an enticing alternative is one, as well as directly explaining to the other person why it matters so much to be present - physically, emotionally and mentally.
Thanks for writing in!

[rayy]

Good advice, in general. But if you're single, then only the last two on the list (and possibly #6) apply. You're not going to be welcome at any "neighborhood potluck" unless you live in a very progressive neighborhood.

[Kari Henley - Huffpost Blogger]

Hmmmm.
Why not set up a general social gathering, particularly for those who are also single, or have a "guys night out" or a "girls night" out that splits up the couples?
You can certainly apply some of the other items to those times when you do get together with friends and family, but thanks for pointing that out!
kari

[smiththomas]

socializing.... i initially thought this was an article about the government

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi there sistah,

I seem to be on the heels of Cara, coming in right behind her with the comments.

The irony didn' t escape me that I'm reading your article about kicking the online habit, online! There is an interesting tension here! We're communicating online, we're inhabitants of this online village which is pretty damned huge! At any given moment in time, perhaps billions or many millions of us are cruising the streets of this village, in search of something.

What are we really searching for? Besides the "things" that occupy our focus online, what is it we want out of that experience? It seems obvious we want to connect.

Maybe we need to shift our focus to what calls us to engage with the world in a more personal way. Maybe we need to take ourselves and our relationship with the world more personally, as in stepping into and taking our place in the world.

I say this because that's what up on the radar screen for me, having just returned from a fabulous weekend writer's conference in San Francisco. It fed my writer's soul! I can feel some new threads being woven into the tapestry of this writing quilt. You're one of those threads in that quilt, my sister.

I hope you'll follow your own advice and go play!

Love,
Judith

[Kari Henley - Huffpost Blogger]

Lovely job Judith
I think you articluated the underlying meaning of this article better than I could!
I agree people fundamentally want to connect, to gather, to feel part of something.
Going online is quick, easy and absolutely satisfying in a brand new way.
The Huff Po community is an incredibly enriching environment.
However, taking the time to remain embedded in those things that feed our SOUL,
as you are becoming the Champion, is the only way to feel those roots of contentment.
Thanks
kari

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Leave it to you, Kari, to bring to our attention such an important subject. I do believe we have a new habituation on our hands. The great news about I.T. is that it makes so much possible. The downside comes when we don't consider how using it can serve to enhance life rather than distract us from what holds real meaning.

As always, I love your contribution,
Cara

[Kari Henley - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks Cara
Yes I think we were both on the same wavelength this week!

[DonCosenza]

Judging from the thumbnail that was on the link to this story, step 1 should be "Become President of the United States".

[Blufftonian]

Heh. You wish.

[magicmary]

I moved into a new house and haven't gotten my cable or internet hooked up yet. Read a book in record time and I want more! Last night, read my book under a NM sunset.

[DonCosenza]

That doesn't sound particularly socializing.

[Kari Henley - Huffpost Blogger]

wow!
I can see the imagery now... New Mexico sunsets can't be beat.
Sometimes being forced to do without is the only way to remind us of how special those moments can be.
I was without internet for 3 days this week while at home and, after getting over the frustration and aggravation, I actually planted some flowers, cleaned the house, and had a great time doing the nagging things that never get done!
Thanks for writing in!

[Star2000dancer]

Okay, sounds great. As soon as I find a real doctor that does'nt keep misdiagnosing me & almost kill or cripple me. Or I find a replacement for my dentisit dying and the mess The Dental University of Buffalo losing my file & tore my mouth to shreds then stopped working on me. Now I have no way to afford getting it fixed. And when you bring my mom back from wrongful hospicing. Or I get a real lawyer who cares & can get my files from my old lawyer who seems to have lost them. The lawyer who was going to take him to the bar also died. Or as soon as I get a safe vehicle so I can get places. Or find one person left on this planet who cares & actually cares about helping people get on their feet.
I do'nt get it, I helped anyone I found that needed help. I've lost my family & friends & am stranded in some strange world in Cheektowaga, NY. I sent letters to all my reps & got nothing. I bet Dennis Kucinich would've fixed this before it got so far. Anyone from Extreme makeover reading this? Help needed.

[tploomis]

Help comes from within.

[rayy]

nice platitude

[dramamama1]

Sounds great. Just as soon as I finish this comment...then check out that other article on Hufpo...then check my email...Tiger's finish at the Memorial...recipe Ideas for dinner...check email again...Oh shoot, time for bed!

[Kari Henley - Huffpost Blogger]

Ha ha! :)
I hear ya drama mama!

[Eriq]

Wow, the photo of Michelle Obama on the HuffPost main page!! Geez, this woman is so incredibly elegant!
I think there are two truly beautiful first ladies we've had: Michelle Obama and Jacqueline Kennedy.

It's so odd that certain segments of the press insist on maligning Michelle Obama's clothing. She could wear a potato sack and make it look good.

[roninroshi]

A very nice and informative article...the Obamas have brought some great changes already and the activities listed above will hopefully have a "trickle down" effect on Americans.

[bnww]

Nice article. I've been cable free by choice for a long time and it's one of the best decisions I've ever made. I still do the Internet, but it's very easy to get up and walk away from it at any time and for very long periods of time.