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Kari Henley

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Women Need Mentors: How to Find One or Create One in Your Life

Posted: 05/30/10 09:00 AM ET

Ever had a professional mentor before? If you are a woman, I bet the answer is no. In the professional world, change is more than inevitable these days -- it is standard fare, and many women are trying to figure out a new way to make a living doing what they love. Wouldn't it be easier if someone could help guide you along the way?

Here are some common challenges that would benefit from mentoring:

  • "I want to start a new business, but I don't know what to do, how do I get started?"
  • "I need to make a career move, but I feel guilty leaving my job and afraid I won't get anything else. How do I ever get ahead?"
  • "I want to learn other aspects of my business, but no one is teaching me the skills I need to transfer to another department. I don't want to be stuck here forever."
  • "How do I achieve balance between a promotion and the needs of my family?"

Women are way behind in developing and utilizing mentors, said Mary Stutts, senior vice president of Elan Pharmaceuticals, and author of the newly released The Missing Mentor, an excellent book featuring multiple professionals sharing tips to succeed. Stutts stresses women today are left on their own to navigate the pitfalls of balancing marriage, home, family and personal ambition.

"Many women are not only holding their jobs, but also managing the soccer games, birthday parties, laundry and grocery shopping. They just do not have the time to spend coaching another woman to move up the ranks."

A college graduate can expect to change jobs 14 times in their career, yet most do not create any sort of plan of how they want to organize their acquisition of skills, when to take strategic risks, and when the time is right to seek promotions or a new position elsewhere.

"Women need to create a development plan to gain experience, and be deliberate about each step of the way. Even in executive positions, very few women have any sort of development plan and that is scary" said Stutts.

Stutts knew many of her early jobs were not going to make her the money she wanted, so she kept moving, until she ended up in health care and communications. She has helped manage multi-billion dollar companies, while still finding time to be a mom, and actively mentor other women. A foster child from the age of five, Stutts is acutely aware of how important it is to help support other women.

"I think anyone can be 'cream of the crop,' and I personally hate that term," Stutts admitted. "Most women just need encouragement more than anything else."
Stutts offered valuable advice for women at various stages of life:

Women just starting out in careers: Be patient! Understand you can't do it all at once, and don't be afraid to share your ideas. Even if they don't implement them, it shows initiative.

Women in Management or senior level positions: Take some risks! Don't resist change and evaluate your situation -- have you learned all the skills your job has to offer? Be willing advance your career if it has become routine.

Women Trying to Get Back into the Workforce: Be creative! Get some experience under your belt however you can. Even taking an entry level job to get your foot in the door or volunteer. Be willing to do what it takes to prove yourself and show you can add value.

Kathleen Heinrich is another high level professional in the medical and academic fields, and also discovered any sort of mentorship for women was practically non-existent. "If mentoring is the fast track to professional success, what happens when you don't have a mentor?" she wondered. After serving as a professor for many years, she became a consultant working with nurses, and wrote the book, "A Nurse's Guide to Presenting and Publishing: Dare to Share."

"Women essentially have to mentor one another," said Heinrich. "I realized successful scholars surrounded themselves with a circle of peer-mentors." Heinrich developed a program for "peer mentoring" that includes a sophisticated and comprehensive set of agreements to help individuals come together in a strategic manner, and develop a working relationship to build each other's success.

"Unlike the one-way giving in traditional mentoring, peer mentoring relationships are give-and-take partnerships that benefit all involved," described Heinrich.

If you would like to experiment with a "peer mentoring" relationship, think of someone who has complimentary skills to yours. Maybe you are good at graphic design, but need help with strategic planning, and have a friend who has been an entrepreneur, but needs to recreate her promotional materials. Make an agreement to meet for an hour and discuss the "four agreements of peer mentoring" developed by Heinrich:

  1. What is your wish list-- what do you want to accomplish?
  2. What are your fears and concerns? Maybe you have a hidden hesitation that needs to be aired.
  3. Create a contract-- how often will you meet and for how long? This is NOT lightweight socializing!
  4. Create a Covenant-- how do you want to be treated? Often the fears and concerns can be covered by the covenant.

Here's an example: Judy and Anne both want to further their business projects, and wish to peer mentor each other. Each come prepared with what they are working on, and what they need help with. In their fears and concerns; Judy is worried she will not stay focused, and Anne is afraid she will take over the conversations. They decide to meet for 6 weeks, once per week for two hours. One hour is for Judy and one hour is for Anne. Their covenant is that Anne will gently help keep Judy focused by reviewing what they talked about before she starts, and Anne will agree not to be offended if Judy points out she is dominating the conversation.

I have tried Heinrich's peer mentoring system, and it is elegant yet incredibly powerful. Essentially you are bartering your skills with another person for free! The relationships end up being very intensive and intimate at the same time. Give it a try with a friend or colleague and let me know what happens! Do you have any good stories about the power of mentoring? Leave a comment below and pass around Twitter and Facebook for a broader conversation if you like.

 

Follow Kari Henley on Twitter: www.twitter.com/karihenley

Ever had a professional mentor before? If you are a woman, I bet the answer is no. In the professional world, change is more than inevitable these days -- it is standard fare, and many women are tryin...
Ever had a professional mentor before? If you are a woman, I bet the answer is no. In the professional world, change is more than inevitable these days -- it is standard fare, and many women are tryin...
 
 
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06:22 PM on 06/15/2010
"Women are way behind in developing and utilizing mentors, said Mary Stutts, senior vice president of Elan Pharmaceuticals..." This is very true! Oftentimes there is a fear to simply do the ask or even build that relationship with those you think would be a great mentor. We must invest more in ourselves and this article has also inspired me to be more proactive in becoming a mentor to others. Look forward to reading the book!
01:23 PM on 06/11/2010
Women not only need mentors in various stages of their careers, but before they begin their careers while they are in college and trying to find the right path. Kudos to Mary Stutts for making this an important issue and helping women achieve success. After all, we are not only teachers, nurses, writers, executives or artists, but we are also mothers, daughters, aunts, god mothers, and Household CEO's.
01:18 PM on 06/11/2010
It is great to see a woman of Mary's caliber write on this topic! I really enjoy and believe in her "peer mentoring" approach. This type of relationship really does reap mutual benefits for both parties and proves fruitful long-term. Thank you Mary for such a great piece of literature!!!!!!!!
02:23 PM on 06/09/2010
A fantastic book! Mary does a wonderful job of outlining the steps that are necessary for career success and reminds us that it is not about being perfect, but resourceful. Just wish I would have had this guidance years ago and a true mentor with whom to share ideas and issues.
08:58 PM on 06/07/2010
I believe that women of all ages and stages of their career and life will find sound advice from Mary Stutts. She will inspire you to become a mentor or seek out a mentor in your life. Thank you Mary for laying out this road map on mentoring in your new book!
Molly Ingraham
11:19 AM on 06/07/2010
I commend Mary Stutts for writing this book. I believe that it is important for women to establish those mentoring relationships. Women must juggle a variety of roles almost simultaneously. It is just refreshing to see someone give back in a way that is definitely needed.
05:10 PM on 06/05/2010
I believe the book and title sums it up.
The missing mentor is a factor of any discontented life. I serve as a mentor to many, corporately and individually. My Professional Development Corporation, Vision 4 Tomorrow LLC was solely founded on mentorship which simply expanded outside of my home, church and workplace.
I recommend this book to all of my current and future clients!
Thank you Mary Stutts for being and authenticating true mentorship!
Vera J Mitchell
08:21 PM on 06/04/2010
As a African American female in the early stages of my career, I'm glad Mary took the time to write this manuscript. She provides great advice not only for women but for everyone on succeeding professionally and personally. I look forward to reading the entire book and using it as a guide and resource as I continue to grow in my career.
07:47 PM on 06/04/2010
I think that Mary Stutts book is a great book for any young professional. The advice she gives is practical. It put a career in perspective to life.

I also like that the book showed the challenges professional women face today. I see my mothers hard work raising my sister and I while working hard to achieve her dreams through every page.

This is a great book for any women to read. It shows that they are not the only ones going through the challenging role of a professional and a mother!
04:13 PM on 06/04/2010
Very well written book with great advice for women in all career paths. An easy read with the right touch of humor. A must have book for every woman juggling a career, family and life!
11:40 AM on 06/04/2010
Starting a working career 49 years ago is far different than it is today. The primary goal was to get hired by a major corporation and advance within it step by step…level by level. You could expect to have your job for 20 plus years. Not so today; a workingwoman can expect to change companies and even careers many, many times. Mary Stutts book on mentoring is both a timely and needed counsel for women and will prove to be valuable to women everywhere. Both women who can benefit from mentoring as well as those in a position to mentor will benefit. How exciting to know that our grandchildren will have the guidance so much needed for their journey. Thank you Mary Stutts for your supportive insight and wisdom.

Bettye Nelson
05:09 PM on 06/03/2010
I'm fortunate to have three older sisters, so once I was grown, I went to them for advice (and sometimes they would give it to me even when I didn't ask). Mary Stutts' book is an important resource because so many women try to be Superwoman and do everything themselves. I think many of us also put up a brave front when we really have no idea how to manage marriage, children and work. I used to feel so isolated because I thought everyone else was somehow juggling everything, while I was struggling. Now I know that is not the case. Hopefully, through reading this book and finding mentors, some readers will find tips that can help them sooner, rather than later.
05:37 PM on 06/02/2010
As a husband and father of four girls, I see the need and significance of mentors in their respective lives. Thank you Mary Stutts for putting this information in print so that women and men can take advantage of it. Wayne J.
01:40 PM on 06/02/2010
I have benefitted from having mentors in the past, and I appreciate the important role they have played in helping me advance my career and achieve work/life balance. I can't wait to read Mary's new book!
10:37 PM on 06/01/2010
Early on in my career I wish I knew what the impact of a mentor would have had on me and my career. It wasn't until I was in leadership roles that younger professional women would approach me for mentoring. I loved being in the position to offer my professional advice but when I became a mother I was again in need of a mentor, specifically a professional woman who had dealt with the work/life balance issues I was now facing. Having a mentor is one thing but having a woman mentor another woman is extremely important. It puts professional life into perspective in a way that is hard to find with a male mentor. Women uplift each other. I still have some of my formal mentees thanking me for the advice I gave them early on in their careers and while I felt like my advice just touched the surface, they felt it impacted many of their professional decisions. My next step is to try peer mentoring as I see only positive could come out of it. Mentoring isn't something only for the entry-level professionals. I feel it's a strong tool that can be used throughout a persons professional life.

Zayda Rivera
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Kari Henley
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10:51 PM on 06/01/2010
hi there! What a beautiful comment- well said and thank you so very much! You set a wonderful example of asking, giving and receiving.
K