You are not going to believe this! I just got a call from that darling Caroline Kennedy on the Obama v-p search team, and she said they need a 60 year old white woman, last name Clinton. Just not that one. Would I be her stunt double? Kidding.
Hillary can't win. She can't even win for losing. The night Obama finally hit his lucky number, she wasn't gracious enough for some of the prissy Miss Manners of the press. They wanted groveling, sackcloth, ashes, rending of garments, tearing out of hair. Tears, maybe.
No wait, not the tears! She might accidentally win another primary. Jesse Jackson dawdled Michael Dukakis for days. Come on.
The night of the last primaries, she won, but lost. She said she wasn't ready to concede, you hideous sexist pigs. She didn't say that last part. Some day I'd love to have a boilermaker, or eight, with her, up at the house in Chappaqua. She'd be doing her hobbies: scrapbooking the campaign, decoupaging war endorsements, gelding Bill and Terry. We'd be talking.
But I'm projecting. Compared to me, she's the nice Clinton. Bitter? You want bitter? I could give you bitter. But I don't have time.
As I have said, I am a Democratically fluid adult. I will go to the polls with the candidate we have, not the one I wished to have.
Far be it for me to step on anyone's smile. Congratulations Barack Obama! May you wage as brilliant a presidential campaign as your primary campaign.
Beware the pundits. They need their jobs, so they've got to make up stories. Set your own timetable as you have with your vice presidential choice. And we all know girls don't ask boys to dance. Duh.
Do not ride the Straight Talk Express bus. John McCain will say "my friend". You are not. Karl Rove is the bus driver. You've got the money. Do not carpool with McCain. They will make you sit in back.
The pundits have said, so it must be true, that Obama has to win white non-college educated voters. Well then, how about giving them no-strings tuition and sending them to college? But they have to guarantee they stop watching FOX news.
Already I heard one pundit say that if Obama wants to win, he's going to have to muzzle his wife. Once again, cynicism humps my leg.