THE BLOG
02/26/2007 08:00 pm ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011

Oscar Night at the Lesbians!

It's Monday afternoon in New York, so the Oscars must be over, right? Quick question: Was Jack Nicholson bald in solidarity with Britney? Is she still doing her rehabs a day at a time? I think it's early Mouseketeer damage, but I feel for her. Can we get a restraining order out on Paris Hilton?

Our little Oscar party had a lovely time with excellent snacks. We thought Ellen did a great job hosting. The estrogen of daytime comedy does cause irony poor blood, but we were proud nonetheless. We loved the little butch outfit she wore, thought the white shoes were dreamy. That last blue outfit, not so much, but two out of three ain't bad. Loved the American Idol/Al Gore voting joke. Very sly, beautifully constructed. We all screamed when Melissa's name was announced. Loved the Tammy kiss and Melissa's passionate, global acceptance speech.

When the proceedings dragged - and there wasn't enough of Ellen to blame it on her, so stop - our self-appointed clicker and top, switched us over to quick, refreshing inter-lewds of the L-Word. How long was that Celine Dijon singing? I'm sure she's a lovely person, or a tangy mustard, but she makes my skin crawl and my clicker finger itch. Not in a good way.

Some suggestions for next time. Hosting the Oscars is a thankless job. They've tried lots of combinations - straight, black, white, gay, man, woman - but somebody always ends up in tears. If critics think it's so easy, next time instead of sacrificing another comic on the Oscar stage, how about using one of those precious actors as host? Cut the montages. How about a category for "Best Famous Person Impersonation"? I can't wait for the movie The Queen Latifah.

It was a big weekend for the L-Word. Mega-Millionairess Suze Orman came out in the Sunday New York Times magazine. Stock shares in California Closet dropped drastically. How soon before we are treated to the dire climate predictions of meteorologist/fundamentalist Pat Robertson?

Now that the Oscars are over, I think, it's on to The March Madness of Women's History Month!!