Happy Ides of July!
It's a beautiful day here in Ptown and we were out at Herring Cove and some of the gals were in their beach chairs. It was low tide. We were talking, just idly letting the sand sift through our fingers. Well, one thing led to another and before you know it, we were all wildcatting for oil. Anyone can do it now, because George "the pusher" Bush issued an executive order lifting the ban on offshore drilling. He treats SUVs like SVUs.
Pretty soon everybody was staking claims and getting pretty mean. Especially the babes from Texas. It's in their blood. There will be blood. They could care less about piping plover nesting grounds. They ripped down our one and only windpower windmill, and started using the blades for deep digging and swatting other prospectors away. I don't know if they'll get their rigs up before Rosie and Kelli's R Family Love Boat gets to town on Thursday, but I sure hope the wildcatters have the decency to hang some lanterns to alert boats. I think it's a law of the sea. But the land, like Lucy, is lawless.
Ptown is a sanctuary city. We grant asylum to anyone who jumps ship and wants to stay. But I think the RFamily Barge should worry about stowaways. Like me. Don't get me wrong, everything is going great this summer. After all, it's Bear Week here, not Bear Stearns Week. But after the incendiary and insulting "satiric" New Yorker cover with Michelle and Barack Obama, Bush's incoherent press conference, CA bank failures, and John McBush supposedly rising in the polls, I might have to get on my Navy Seal drag, hop a tender and stowaway with Captains Rosie and Kelli.
And then leave my cell phone on and mess with the ship's navigation system and head due south. Brazil, here we come!
HuffPost Lifestyle is a daily newsletter that will make you happier and healthier — one email at a time. Learn more