I write about body image because I love eating cake, but women around me are always dieting.
I write about body image because I have been told it doesn't matter, but every year, more girls have eating disorders.
I write about body image because everyone cares about beauty, no matter how much we tell ourselves we don't. And because, really, we are beautiful, no matter how much we tell ourselves we aren't.
I write about body image because I moved to Manhattan, where suddenly everyone was very thin and very careful about eating and always going to the gym and suddenly it occurred to me that I was not thin enough and not pretty enough and very bad at going to the gym.
I write about body image because I noticed that after I noticed that I was maybe not thin enough, I stopped eating some of my favorite foods. They slipped out of my diet. I said no to dessert. I felt guilty when I gave in and made pasta for dinner. I felt guilty all the time, because all the time, I was cheating. There were all of these rules about what I could and couldn't eat, and how much of it was okay, and I had somehow memorized them without even being aware of it, and now, when I broke them, I was ashamed.
I write about body image because I got a nose job because my big Jewish nose seemed like the opposite of beauty. Because when I told people that famous, beautiful women never have big Jewish noses, they always said, "What about Barbara Streisand?" and that was a long time ago. No one can think of anyone more recent. And also, because when my boyfriend who became my husband told me over and over that my nose was beautiful, I didn't really believe him, even though I should have.
I write about body image because people make fun of people who get cosmetic surgery, even though when I got cosmetic surgery, there was nothing funny about it. I hated my face. I wanted to destroy my old face.
I write about body image because I don't look like a model, but sometimes, automatically, I really wish I looked like a model. And at the same time, I really wish I didn't wish that.
I write about body image because when I was a little girl, I thought I was gorgeous. I thought that I was gorgeous because I was me.
I write about body image because women are always complimenting each other by saying, "You look like you lost weight!" and because it's so hard to think that what you are is already enough.
I write about body image because the more I write about body image, the more letters I get from girls and women who tell me how important this topic is. I get letters from women who don't want to go outside because they feel so unattractive and women whose mothers told them they weren't ever going to be pretty enough and women who were told by the world that they weren't worth as much as they actually are, and women who feel fantastic about the way they look and are so relieved. And because the more I write about body image, the better I feel, when I look in the mirror. The better I look to myself. The better I realize I am.
That's why I write about body image.
And also, cake is just delicious. We really shouldn't ever give it up.
I wrote this post for Body Image Warrior Week, created by the popular fashion and body image blogger Sally McGraw and registered with NEDA, in honor of NEDAwareness Week.
* *
For more Body Image Warrior Week posts, check out the following blogs:
Already Pretty
The Beheld
Decoding Dress
Dress with Courage
Eat the Damn Cake
Fit and Feminist
Medicinal Marzipan
Not Dead Yet Style
Rosie Molinary
Virginia Sole-Smith
Weightless
Follow Kate Fridkis on Twitter: www.twitter.com/eatthedamncake
I would love to get a feel for how you women think about body image.
If possible feel free to take my survey
https://sites.google.com/site/bodyimage2012/
I appreciate it!!!
https://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/305474126177393/
It is open to the public. My mother and I are working on this together and hope to see at least 1000 members by the end of the year :)
In fact, the theme for the entire month of Feb was dedicated to body image...and at the end of the month we published 14 really interesting, raw, personal stories from our readers. Take a few minutes to read them (http://confrontinglove.com/2012/02/29/your-stories-body-image/) and contact us because we would love to help you continue this dialogue.
Beauty is whatever gives joy.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
"My album 'My Album is Dropping' is dropping."
---Angie Jordan, 30 Rock