I have a lot of friends who don't want to be called a feminist. It makes them sound unattractive. It makes them sound like they don't shave their armpits. For the record, I once had a very attractive friend who identified as a feminist and didn't shave her armpits. So the armpits are not really the end of the world.
But "feminist" is a word that conjures up images of all sorts of uncool behavior -- getting offended by little things like when someone slips up and calls God "he," refusing to even try sexy high heels and flipping out when referred to as a "girl," rather than a "woman." For many young people, feminists don't have their priorities straight. They talk about stuff no one cares about anymore. They beat on the same tired issues. Unequal pay. Not enough women acting in fill-in-the-blank position of authority. They may hate men. They definitely don't attribute enough importance to a good pedicure.
I used to call myself a feminist. In college. It was an act of defiance. I was going to show everyone. Show them ... something. It was pretty clear to me that feminism meant caring about gender relations, being aware of inequality, and being free to be whatever kind of woman I wanted. Feminism hadn't turned women into ugly, unfashionable man-haters or sluts. It had allowed women to be left alone for a minute, to figure out what we wanted to be.
But I had to explain all that whenever I used the word. And it got old really fast. I had to keep saying, "By my definition, you're a feminist too, whether or not you think you are." I asked the guys who wanted to debate it with me, "Do you support gender oppression?" And they said, "Uh ... No?" And I said, triumphantly, "HA! See! You're a feminist!" And they said, "So, like, do you shave your armpits?"
The thing about feminism is that it has a lot of baggage now. People who are afraid of women have given it a lot of that baggage. The scary people who like to blame feminism for things like "the downfall of society," and put it in sentences that begin with "Because of liberalism, feminism, and homosexuality..." And people who aren't that ridiculous about it, but are a little threatened by women occupying a broader range of roles, have piled on a few suitcases and totes.
Some of these people like to suggest that because of feminism, girls try to act more like guys, and so they have a lot of sex, but because they're still girls, the sex makes them feel terrible about themselves. So feminism hurts girls by misleading them about their sexuality. I have to pause here for a tiny tangent: there is nothing inherent about sex that makes girls feel bad about themselves. Plenty of girls have plenty of sex without feeling badly at all. And often, it seems that when girls feel bad about sex, it's because they are receiving powerfully conflicting information about it. "Go for it!" And "No! Stop! You'll ruin your reputation!" Which makes it pretty evident that the problem isn't feminism, it's transition. Which occurs naturally when the world doesn't offer up just one way of understanding and solving a major social problem, but many. Which kinda just sounds like, well, life.
And feminism has the historical baggage of a movement that is now old. The things that feminism had to accomplish, the things that galvanized it, are dramatic and distant. They seem a little absurd. Women not working outside the home? There are about four of those left. The women who want to can't even afford to stay home. Women not going to college? At least 60 percent of all current college students are women. Now everyone's getting concerned about boys. They're being left behind! They aren't being encouraged enough!
The truth is, a lot of the issues (systemic gender inequality, denial of reproductive rights, sexual violence, domestic abuse) that made feminism a necessity still exist. But they don't feel the same. And we don't approach them the same way. We say, if you want to change the world, then do it! We say, women change the world all the time. You can too. Get your law degree. Run for office. Make it happen. Those things are real, and they're possible. I think there's a general sense that the ball is already rolling. There's an unspoken understanding that even if women aren't equally represented in the government, or among corporate CEOs, it's really only a matter of time.
I'm an impatient person. I want big change to happen all at once. I can't believe that everywhere I look, people still don't have basic rights. I think that 50 years from now, we'll look back and be stunned to think about how primitively certain social issues were conceived and handled. And by skinny jeans. Those were a terrible idea.
But I don't run around calling myself a feminist very loudly anymore. I'm a young woman, and too many of my peers, whether incorrectly or not, translate the word through a sticky web of connotations. They also mostly take it for granted that I care about gender issues, opportunities for everyone, and eradicating oppression wherever it may crop up. All that is just part of being a conscientious human being. And as for the people who don't care about those things, they aren't anti-feminists or misogynists, they're simply uneducated or malicious (or both).
Some days, I put on makeup. Other days, I don't. Not even lip gloss. I shave my armpits, but there was a summer when I didn't shave my legs (the guys I met then gave me very positive feedback about it, much to my surprise!). I'm ambitious and educated, and I have two degrees, but a big part of my dream includes one day staying home with my kids. I blog about body image. I cook dinner for my fiancé a lot. He works 12 hours a day, so the idea of equally distributing household chores doesn't make sense. Also, I like to cook.
Ambition doesn't have to mean one thing. Neither do high heels. And I'm thankful for feminism's critical role in flinging open the door on endless complexity and possibility. Those things should never be kept in the closet. I'm thankful that, as a young woman, I have a lot of options, not only in terms of what I can do with my life, but how I can think about what I do. I have a lot of different ways to be proud of myself for my accomplishments.
So it isn't that women shouldn't be able to call themselves feminists and get pedicures and get offended by whatever offends them. Women should be able to fit the stereotype or not at their discretion. And it isn't that my generation doesn't need feminism anymore. It's that we more acutely need people who will care less about the definition of a particular word, and more about the experiences that people are having. Less about body hair, and more about opportunity. Less about women being one thing or another, and more about everyone sharing the same set of responsibilities towards caring for a world we all participate in and are affected by.
Which is not to say that it's OK for everyone to go around calling God "he." Because, really, people, that just doesn't make sense.
Follow Kate Fridkis on Twitter: www.twitter.com/eatthedamncake
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'Big society' challenges for feminism's new wave
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Stated another way....How many active feminists do you know that are in a long term happy marriage ?
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Divorce rates higher among Christains;
http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_dira.htm
The states that voted Democratic in the last two presidential elections have the lowest rates of divorce and teen pregnancies. And the red states had the highest.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=126653602
I harbor no ill wishes against women. I don't want them to make less for equal work, or be denied their reproductive rights, or anything else. That said, I will not identify myself as a feminist.
This is the point that seems the hardest for them to understand.
Yes..."men" have ruled the world since the beginning of humankind. If by "men" you mean the .0000000001% of men who have been tyrants and kings throughout human history and today in the boardrooms of Goldman Sachs, Halliburton and Monsanto.
How does that benefit all of the other men on the planet?
Fanned.
I suggest pick up " The War on Boys" by Christina Hoff Sommers.
You need to open your eyes.
My point is more than that I am a feminist. My point is that people trying to stay away from calling themselves such is only fueling mama-grizzly feminism, which is a misappropriation of the f-word. To be a feminist means, as Fridkis says, to be concerned with gender relations, but moreover to agree that men and women are of equal quality as people. (All arguments in physical strength aside.)
Our generation DOES need feminism. And we need the f-word just as much as ever before. We need it to remember our legacy and what our mothers fought for; even if it means staying at home with the kids.
To oppose feminism is not to oppose women or women's rights...although most "feminists" will quickly try to brand you as such, in order to silence you.
At this point in history, modern feminism shows little resemblance to the previous generations. Instead of making great social change, it nitpicks. It talks about how sexist the Daily Show is...
It's basis is misandry, not equality. Oh, sure, they still demand equal rights, but sit silently on equal responsibility.
Most of all, it's simply a dated term that society has outgrown...
We no longer refer to salesmen as salesmen, but as salespeople. Why?
It was decided that gender neutral terminology was, indeed, VERY important in eliminating gender inequality and working towards the goal of equality.
So, why would we identify only one gender in a word that is supposed to mean equality for all?
Anyone who actually believed in the goals that feminism purports to have would understand that "humanism" or another inclusive label is the only way to achieve those goals.
Would anyone believe a "masculinist's" goal was equality for all...equally?
But men are supposed to line up behind the banner of misandrist feminism or else they are labeled "sexist misogynists" who want to put women back in the kitchen.
Which is why feminism must be slayed...so we can enter the POST-feminist era when equality for all is the actual goal.
The dying remnants of "feminism" are nothing more than misandrist interest groups.
Instead of fighting for the the right to vote, they talk about how men need to do more dishes...
Let's put it down and begin anew.
The reality is the women I am speaking of are all far left PC liberals. The ones who bristle at right wingers stealing their word "feminist" because they, too, know it carries to certain political connotation.
What's the best way to get a group who are fighting for something you oppose to disappear? By making them not want to be associated with that group and its label. I mean how many times have you seen someone throw around the word "Feminist" in an argument to try and shut a person up? If you are going to turn your back on a movement simply because of negative stereotypes made up by anti-feminists then that's a real shame.
We need to put our energy towards fighting for equal rights for women all over the world, not trying educate people who are not willing to be educated.
What really matter is the vote:
The Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act was defeated in April 2008 by Republicans in the Senate.
The bill was re-introduced in the 111th Congress and it passed in the House of Representatives with 247 votes in support and 171 against.
The vote was nearly perfectly split along party lines, with only three Republicans voting in favor.
Thanks for the update. Now go fetch us men some coffee while we decide what kind of world you should live in from now on.
The younger generation lack the historical perspective and take for granted that they have access to education, credit and jobs that our mothers were denied. The daughter born in the Reagan and post-Reagan era have probably only been exposed to extreme neocon views on what feminism represents.
We must remain villigant and LOUD!
I'm all ears.
PS...are you a stalker ?
Also, it bears pointing out that if women (white, liberal, and educated or otherwise) just wanted "free services and laws" (I have NO idea, frankly, what this references) to unburden themselves of having any accountability in their own lives, why wouldn't we have just stayed home, skipped college, gotten married and lived happily every after barefoot and pregnant in some kitchen in the 1950s suburbs, letting our husband, male run society, and the church make all of our decisions for us?
Sorry, no sale.
Feminism is a global concern and battle. And in the U.S., there are still communities where women are seen, and treated, as lesser beings. If any woman anywhere on the planet is being abused, then all women are vulnerable.
It's true that in most places in the West---those getting media attention, anyway---women can act of their own volition, and they have agency and self-determination, though job discrimination is still at work. But look at the condition and plight of women globally, and you see that much needs to be done; we women in the West are the fortunate exceptions to the rule.
Look at the treatment of women globally. In the West we have made gains, yet gender bigotry and male supremacy still exert themselves in the U.S. and western Europe. But feminism is a global issue. In most parts of the world, women still are having a pretty horrendous time of things. If women anywhere are subject to savagery and oppression, then women everywhere are vulnerable.