Piano Prodigy! <s>My Kid Is Terrible at Everything!</s>

It is vital to a child's intellectual development and success in life that he or she learn how to play an instrument. I spent three hours scrolling through social media to see what the better moms are doing. After much thought, I concluded that the piano is the best instrument to begin my precious child's musical education. We already own a crappy keyboard and it even has working batteries. I told my son and he was thrilled because he is naturally curious and always looking to take on new learning challenges. I did not tell my son, because if I am not talking about the Xbox, he is literally unable to hear me.

He loves the piano. He does not give a single shit about the piano.

Every afternoon after school, he settles himself at the keys. He begs to play the Xbox instead. From a place of #authenticjoy, he plays piece after piece, filling our home with delightful melodies. After I have threatened to flush away his legos, he pretends to paralyzed from the neck down. He is picking it up so fast! He torturously hammers the same key with a single finger over and over again, ensuring that we all hate the piano as much as he does.

He works through Mozart's piano concertos while I prepare a nutritious and balanced meal that he will love. Seriously, he has learned nothing. After a year, he is yet to master Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. We have come to love these precious moments. We will both need therapy. I am so proud! I am totally dead inside.

Sometimes it is hard to get him to stop playing. I have made it clear I will stop loving him if he quits. I am so #blessed #fucked.