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Kathleen Reardon

Kathleen Reardon

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When Should You Turn the Other Cheek? A Presidential Lesson in Priorities

Posted: 05/ 4/11 10:59 AM ET

President Obama tends not to get out in front of image problems. In fact, his analytical leadership style inclines him toward quite the opposite. His response to the birthers and their latest ringleader Donald Trump is a case in point. It took the president a long time to put to rest the increasing storm of criticism around his birthplace.

Late as the confirmation was, in the release of his official Hawaii long-form birth certificate, it was followed by a flourish. President Obama left Trump's challenge in the dust at the White House Correspondent's Dinner by suggesting -- with exceptional humor -- that Trump could now focus on serious issues, such as whether we faked the moon landing.

Both responses succeeded in removing from discussion what the president described as "silliness" right before he, as Commander-in-chief, oversaw the serious, dangerous work of ending the threat of Osama Bin Laden.

President Obama did not, however, directly address Trump's latest academic insult, which asserts that the young Obama lacked the grades to get into Columbia and Harvard.

Should he?

It's a question we can apply to our own lives when dealing with personal attacks. When do you turn the other cheek and when do you deliver a comeback a bully will never forget?

First, you have to be able to differentiate along a continuum from offense to insult. The former is often accidental and the latter purposeful. Context makes a considerable difference. Some comments mildly offensive in one context are clearly insulting in another.

The question about the president's birthplace was meant to insult but occurred in the context of politics where credibility challenges are not unusual. As such, it was possible for the president to treat the birther issue as a challenge that could be posed to any president rather than code for "you're not one of us."

By addressing it, especially in a humorous way, the president put the issue to rest without escalating it to benefit the visibility Trump was seeking.

Trump's academic credentials challenge is a different kind of disparagement. It's an insult. It's obviously self-serving, code for "you only got in because you're black," and insults far more people than the president alone. It is over-the-top as insults go even in political contexts.

This is so distasteful an insult, so obviously intended to provoke that turning the other check on this one is, at least now, the best choice. Others are responding to Trump, especially those feeling the sting of an insult meant to negatively reflect by implication on the achievements of all minorities.

That's the difference between a comment that must be addressed to avoid escalating negative effects and an insult that goes so far that it is best to let the author squirm in the hole he dug for himself.

Some offenses take on a life that becomes harmful to one's credibility. That was happening to the president with the birther issue. Others along the continuum from offense to insult require responses when they distract from important issues under discussion or detract from the reputation of the person disparaged.

The president made these distinctions. It serves as a good lesson, a healthy reminder, of what to do and say in the face of public meanness becoming all too common.


Kathleen also blogs at Comebacks at Work.

 
 
 

Follow Kathleen Reardon on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@comebackskid

 
 
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
azcamp
02:33 PM on 05/06/2011
Why debate the past?

President Obama continued to grow and learn long after he left Harvard and entered public service. None of us would hold youth up as the brightest, smartest more productive time of our lives. What President Obama has done as President does matter.

Visionaries are looking forward because they can not change the past.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
NoSandwiches
12:04 PM on 05/05/2011
" It took the president a long time to put to rest the increasing storm of criticism around his birthplace."

No. It didn't. He released his certified copy of his birth certificate long, long ago. It did not appease the Republicans because they did not want the issue to be resolved. So they decided it had to be the long form. That was just them with this ridiculous narrative that suited their purpose of painting him as "other" and as not being the "Real" President.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
RDWidner
A Libertarian by nature. A free man by act of God.
09:17 AM on 05/05/2011
"Trump's academic credentials challenge is a different kind of disparagement. It's an insult. It's obviously self-serving, code for "you only got in because you're black," and insults far more people than the president alone. It is over-the-top as insults go even in political contexts."

I am not saying it is or isn't but will it still be an insult if it turns out to be true? Isn't it true that there is a history of "reverse-discrimination" where schools have selected the minority candidate over the white one even though the white one was more qualified academically?
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
smart liberal
2012: The end of the GOP
02:31 PM on 05/05/2011
Obama's transcript changes nothing. Want to look at Bush's? The man is President, regardless of his education, for indeed, there is no standard for education in the qualifications to run for President. It is STILL just an insult for the sake of the insult, and has no real bearing. So, whether or not it's true, which has to be the most ridiculous supposition in the world, given that he graduated Magna Cum Laude and as Editor of the Harvard Law Review. I don't understand your last question. The reason Affirmative Action had to be put in place was because many white candidates got places over minorities who were more academically qualified simply because the applicant was a minority. Affirmative Action made sure that minorities got the same opportunities as the white applicants. In America, we call that fairness. In Trump's world, anything that deprives any white man of anything, must be wrong. Whatever the grades of Trump, Bush or Obama, President Obama has proven himself to be the more intelligent of the three.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
RDWidner
A Libertarian by nature. A free man by act of God.
03:00 PM on 05/05/2011
Actually "reverse-discrimination" was put in place to give minorities preference for injustices in the past. In actuality there is no such thing as reverse discrimination. there is only discrimination. When you treat someone differently based on their race it is discriminatory.
04:07 PM on 05/05/2011
Well, then, it doesn't matter then, does it whether he got in because he was a minority? We saw the transcripts of Bush's AND Kerry's (Kerry's was worse) and now I, for one, want to see Obama's. Period. He applied for the highest job in the land--let's see the credentials and let's talk to his professors. That's what would happen if any of us were applying for a top job. Race does matter, by the way. Yes--it does. If you use it as a pass to get by--it's going to do the opposite of the intent--let unqualified, unsuitable people in and then give them a pass because everyone is afraid to see how most people who didn't have to squeeze under the gate or even turn the knob on the door--end up showing us the very reason why they should have stayed on the other side of that door.
09:14 AM on 05/05/2011
Obama is more level headed (and therefore apt for leadership) than all the GOP pseudo candidates combined. I have no doubt that whatever nonsense they come up with, however insulting and ridiculous and racist, he is going to deal with it with smarts, wits and fairness. And ultimately crush it.
09:06 AM on 05/05/2011
If anyone got in an Ivy League College not because his abilities and intelligence, but because who he was, that's no other than Georgie W. Bush. he got into Yale because he came from a rich family who largely supports Yale and are members of a powerful final club there, and certainly not because his grades were any good. As a matter of fact, he is infamous for having been a really bad student and, as the planet was able to witness in the past decade, managed to learn nothing while in Yale.

Now, how is that, Donnie, for getting in a exclusive college without any merit?

You don't need to do much more than simply compare Barack Obama to Dubya to Donald Trump himself to see who had good grades and was a good student who wasn't. It is more than obvious.
04:09 PM on 05/05/2011
I am so tired of this smear. Bush did better than Kerry at Yale--and the thing is--we know it. How about Obama? What are YOU and his other blind supporters afraid we'll find out? Trump has nothing to prove because well, he has nothing to lose. ...and I'm not supporting him for president, either. However, if he were elected, I have no doubt he would do a helluva lot better job than the current occupant of the White House.
02:50 PM on 05/06/2011
It is precisely because he has nothing to lose that he can afford to utter nonsense every day. The fact of the matter is, Barack Obama was a brilliant sudent with very strong academic achievement, way above avarage in the context of Harvard Law (and before that Columbia), and then went on to become a Constitutional Law scholar and a professor. But that's not the point here.

The real point is the insinuation by Donald Trump that he got into Harvard based on his color. My point is- he did not, however, Georgie Bush got into Yale only and solely because of his father. It's pretty ironic.

So, don't even start going there, it will turn to the GOP disadvantage fairly quickly.

Some people seem to not be shocked when benefits are granted to the rich and powerful without merit, but just because of their wallets and rolodexes. It happens every day. Why would it be shocking, then, that some get benefits because of their skin color? Is really it any worse?

And I'm not saying this with relation to Obama himself, who has an outstanding academic achievement. Rather, I'm saying this for all the black and latino people out there who got pretty offended by Trump's ridiculous allegations.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
artist-53
Wordy opinionated poor spelling Liberal
08:58 AM on 05/05/2011
Great Article.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
PJsThreeDogLife
"A large lady given to speaking her mind."
08:05 AM on 05/05/2011
Love the article. Obama knows to just stand back and let this fool dig his own hole. Can you just imagine if Trump were prez and someone made this type of comment about him? He'd squint those squinty eyes, purse those pouty lips, stomp his foot and not stop flappin' his chops until he got his revenge. Not good, Donny. Not good at all.
04:09 PM on 05/05/2011
Koolaid anyone?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
DungBeetle
Rolling Neocons Into A Ball
07:50 AM on 05/05/2011
When should we turn the other cheek....according to you...or according to Jesus?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
janibowe
Doubt = the enemy. Flirting = the ultimate weapon.
10:33 AM on 05/05/2011
Who cares who it is "according to." The point is to find an appropriate time and place for turning the cheek or addressing things head-on.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
smart liberal
2012: The end of the GOP
02:37 PM on 05/05/2011
That is a strange comment. But I have a feeling, Jesus would not agree with your underlying sentiment here. Jesus tells us to study his ways and be like him. I know HE knew what he meant, and I see nothing in this article that contradicts his teachings.
07:13 AM on 05/05/2011
Obama politics is to lead from behind. To keep some thing in the air for media to ask about to keep off the real issues. When Ryan came out with a plan on the budget Obama attack him on the plan and on a personel level. He did not come out with a plan that had any real answers he just tryed demonizing Ryan. He wants to work together but told republicans to get in the back seat. 70% of the people have looked at the direction Obama has put in and do not like it. Ask Obama and he will tell you it is a the people who do not understand, not that we are going in the wrong direction.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
FiredUpRTG
Don't start no stuff; won't be no stuff…
11:44 AM on 05/05/2011
Wrong.
Go on c-span.org and check his speeches. The president never personally attacked Ryan personally nor demonized him. It's amazing how people from all sides, for & against, project onto the President what they want, instead of just listening to the words that come out of his mouth.

The more Ryan speaks, the more often we get a glimpse of his forked tongue. Ryan is an example of a nice-talking wolf in altar boy's clothing, caressing and applying ice to numb before the blow.
04:11 PM on 05/05/2011
You are wrong. He did attack Ryan and I heard him. It wasn't in a speech, though.
01:54 PM on 05/05/2011
Your 70% number discredits your entire post. Show me one survey, on any issue, that gets to 70%.

On the other hand, that is approximately the percentage that hates the Ryan budget.
07:08 AM on 05/05/2011
Obama's arrogance is not Presidential. He also acts very childish.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
janibowe
Doubt = the enemy. Flirting = the ultimate weapon.
10:33 AM on 05/05/2011
Case in point?
04:12 PM on 05/05/2011
Well, how about sitting across from John McCain about two years ago and saying--in front of the cameras, "The election is over, John--I won."
That sounds pretty childish to me.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
FiredUpRTG
Don't start no stuff; won't be no stuff…
11:45 AM on 05/05/2011
I see it very differently: the Obamas seem to be the only adults in DC.
06:48 AM on 05/05/2011
Admittance to a university has many factors beyond academics and race is only 1. Universities have quotas for International students, for students from certain geographical locations, for students from certain parental backgrounds and other factors above and beyond a transcript. So to make a big deal of race is just not intellectually honest. And an important factor concerning university education is what someone does with that opportunity. And becoming President of the United States is certainly a most worthy achievement.
04:12 PM on 05/05/2011
Good answer.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
hrayovac
06:14 AM on 05/05/2011
I haven't notice Obama "turning the other cheek" at all. He's a "get even" guy, but he comes in softly, waits till the stealth moment to attack. A real ninja and a first class statesman and if anyone has a problem with this all I can say is, look at the scoreboard.
anthonyve
An exmilitary, excorporate Aussie
05:54 AM on 05/05/2011
I don't know much about American universities, but wouldn't you have to be a failry exceptional student to make editor of the Harvard Law Review?
I rather thought that spoke for itself in terms of answering Trump's nonsense, which was indeed an insult to minorities everywhere.
Finally, I find it ironic coming from Trump who got a leg up in business from a rich daddy.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
hrayovac
06:07 AM on 05/05/2011
@anthonyve yes we have universities..hot and cold running water, plumbing and even books.
06:27 AM on 05/05/2011
Yes, the President's performance at Harvard Law School was exceptional. First, Harvard Law School is generally considered to be the best in our nation. Obama graduated magna cum laude and he was editor of the Harvard Law Review (also considered the best law review in the country).

Only someone as magnificently ignorant and racist as Trump would try to make an issue of the President's academic history.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
AntonBursch
01:34 AM on 05/05/2011
thanks for the great article.
10:48 PM on 05/04/2011
Just saying if you want to make up crazy theories and such, could Obama finally have brought out his birth certificate to distract the media from getting a wiff of what was going on in Pakistan. A lot of people where saying why now after three year? Why after the claim about "silliness"? As for his college grades, perhaps a lot non-minioirty students don't get into Ivy league schools because they don't have interesting lives or extra curricular activites that make them stand out from other students. It's not just having good grades or being on the board of a charity that differentiates you from other students - but personality as well. Why do two students with the same grade have different results when applying for Ivy league school? Maybe one has more personality then the other - just saying.