Obama Marriage Body Language: One Aspect We Should All Emulate (PHOTOS)

In an earlier post we commented on positive aspects of the relationship between Michelle and Barack Obama. Fresh from having watched their recent 60 Minutes interview, we'd like to bring to your attention one remarkable bit of body language we can all learn from. Specifically, if you watch their body language carefully, you'll see that Michelle and Barack communicate with each other in a way that is rare among presidential couples: when Michelle Obama is speaking, Barack makes eye contact with her and listens with interest to what she's saying.

If you want to see just how rare that is, look at old footage of interviews with Laura and George Bush, Bill and Hillary Clinton and the elder Bushes. Go back a little further and look at footage of Nancy and Ronald Reagan, Pat and Richard Nixon and any others you can find. Here's what you usually WON'T see: the President looking at his wife when she's speaking. You'll see lots of footage of presidential wives listening, usually with an adoring smile locked firmly in place, to their husbands, but it's rare to see it the other way around. When Michelle Obama is speaking, though, Barack looks at her and listens. When he's speaking, she looks and listens. It's a refreshing exception, and a key to the respect that flows between them.

When we first noticed this unusual bit of presidential body language, it brought back a memory of a moment that still gives us a chuckle. Some years ago we were doing a round of television talk shows at the time our book, Conscious Loving, was first published. Our publisher had arranged the tour so that we did the big national shows such as 'Oprah' first, followed by appearances on regional shows in various parts of the country. We were on a show in Portland, Oregon when the following event occurred.

Just after the show ended, the affable host tapped Gay on the shoulder and said, "Could I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure," Gay said.

The host said, "I couldn't help but noticing that you do something very unusual when your wife is talking."

Gay felt a stirring of anxiety, fearing that the host was going to take him to task for violating some aspect of talk-show etiquette. The host continued, "We have relationship experts on this show all the time, and many of them are couples, but there's something you do that I haven't seen any of the others do."

"What's that?" Gay asked.

The host said, "When your wife is talking, you actually appear to be interested in what she's saying! You look like you're really listening when she's talking." He paused for a moment then asked, "How do you do that?" It became clear that he thought it was some sort of technique, designed to give the appearance of keen interest, and he wanted to learn how to do it.

Gay said, "Well, it's pretty easy to do, because I'm actually interested in what she's saying."

"Oh," the host said, his eyes glazing over as he backed away. Apparently the idea of genuine interest either didn't appeal to him or seemed too alien a concept to grasp.

Here's a question that's come up in recent interviews we've give on the quality of the Obama marriage: Is it possible to fake the kind of affection and interest that Michelle and Barack seem to have in each other's communication? The question brings to mind Lawrence Olivier's famous remark about acting: "The main thing about acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made." With Michelle and Barack's relationship, their level of ease, affection and respect carries a deep sense of authenticity about it. After nearly 40 years of counseling couples, individuals, business executives and others, we've seen just about every form of concealment, subterfuge, defensiveness and guile there is to see. If you've been watching presidential couples for a few decades, you've also seen just about every form of concealment, subterfuge, defensiveness and guile there is to see. Maybe now we're embarking on something new and long overdue: a role model of a healthy relationship in the White House.

Michelle and Barack Obama are giving us all a much-needed lesson in how to thrive in a close relationship. It's very refreshing to see a couple at ease enough in public to give a fist-bump of pride, solidarity and delight to each other (never mind that Fox News called it a 'terrorist fist-jab'!) It's heartening to see two people so authentically affectionate with each other that they can hug in public and have it look natural.

It is a gift to all of us to see the future president and First Lady model a new kind of equality and respect through the way they listen to each other. We salute them for it, and look forward to learning more from this remarkable couple as they move forward into this new adventure in their lives.

PHOTOS From 60 Minutes:

• • • •

A look back at the couple's incredible eye contact throughout the campaign:

• • • • • • • • • • Michelle intently watches Barack as he addresses supporters.

(Slideshows by Willow Lindley)

RELATED:

The Obama Relationship: A Major Benefit Nobody's Talking About

Top 5 Body Language Moments Of Election Day

Relationship Politics: Body Language Of The McCain Marriage

Obama 60 Minutes Interview: Talks National Security, Financial Crisis, First Dog (VIDEO)

 

 

Follow Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks on Twitter: www.twitter.com/GayHendricks

Comments

[tchristin]

It is so obvious that they love each other and are very close. I doubt Obama could do what he does without the support of Michelle. She is beautiful, intelligent, warm and graceful. Their children reflect them both. I hope and pray they stay safe and maintain some normalcy to their lives. It's the first time in my life I felt so sure of our leader and that we were going in the right direction as a country. Everyone around me at work, friends and family feel the same way. I am just grateful both of them are willing to take the job.

[Cookie100]

Couldn't have said it better

[curiousforeigner]

I think it is also fair to say that Michelle commands attention herself.

[gmlaster]

I'm delighted to see that I'm not alone in my desire to have our first family live like normal people, not millionaires. These are people who know how hard it is to pay off a student loan, and how it feels to be a lawyer but drive a beat-up car or have a credit card rejected because all your money is going to pay off that damned thing.

More importantly, after the sleaze of the Clinton years and the passionless cold of the Bush years, it's wonderful to have a president who's really INTO his wife. Clearly they're best friends as well as lovers. He truly admires her.

I know it seems like a little thing, but I was humiliated to have the world see our president face impeachment over a blow j o b. Worse, no real work ever got done after that. Clinton spent the rest of his presidency doing damage control, opening the door for Bush who very nearly destroyed the country. I've had enough of our spoiled, soiled degenerate aristocracy running this country into the ground. We're just their employees, so many numbers on a page. 21 months ago, the Obamas were just a nice couple from Hyde Park.

[lynettema]

I have said to my friends that I love the way Barack looks at Michelle. He always looks as if he adores her. Wouldn't we all love our spouse to look at us in that manner.
As for his hugs. I have always thought that when he hugs anyone it looks sincere. This guy is so confident, etc, etc, etc.

[abarefootboy]

wow .. America has a brand new, healthy mom and dad .... !

Good-bye dysfunctional family.

Hello good karma.

God Bless America .. !

[MissKaren]

A couple united by mutual respect and love....what a concept.

[cjgnew]

I love reading what you guys have to say. Thank you so much for pointing that out. It has inspired me to listen to my wife more intently. Not only she deserves to be heard, she is such a wonderful partner. I am sure that BHO has many good reasons to listen to such a wonderful and accomplished woman with all the respect that he can muster. That's truly wonderful!

Carlos Jean-Gilles
Saint Louis, MO

[GHendricks]

Thank you very much, particularly for letting us know that it inspired you to listen to your wife more intently. That's the best outcome we can think of for writing these pieces.
Many blessings,
Gay

[cjgnew]

You made my day! As they say nowadays, you rock!

[Academic]

Spot on Freedomsfriend. You've summed up the Obama family relationship succintly. Thanks.

Professor Dr. Stanley Collymore.

[diapalino]

OK, I don't want to get too intellectual or touchee feelee or whatever about this, but let's cut to the chase: this chick has great legs !!!

[cjgnew]

I doubt that Obama would still be in love with her if it were just a matter of great legs. She's got the whole package! And, unless I'm mistaken, he would still be in love with her for her heart and brains even if she didn't have the great legs you are referring to. Take it from me, mine doesn't have the kind of legs that you are talking about, but her heart and mind turn me on more than great legs ever could. By the way, I had a one night stand with an incredibly beautiful model once (a long time ago before I met my wife), even better looking than MO, and I can tell you that it wasn't at all what it was cracked up to be.

Carlos Jean-Gilles
Saint Louis, MO

[GoVeg]

They connect at a core value. Thank God we don't have a superficial President-elect.

[janmarbol]

I LOVE THIS FAMILY!

[jameshki]

One can spend a lifetime looking for that exact thing that this couple has. Genuine love and mutual respect.

[murthyg]

OBAMA BARAC:One Black American Moved America Because America Respects All Cultures;The name speaks for itself.I hope he is a true transformational agent for the betterment of our country and the world.Good Luck for your presidency.Please remember the ordinary citizens who put you in the office of this great nation and resolve WARS and promote PEACE in real terms rather than hypocrisy.Love all as you love thyself to promote unity and brotherhood amongst human beings so that we can create a safer WORLD for the future generations.
GOD BLESS AMERICA.
MURTHY

[brooklyncitizen]

The power of a healthy loving couple that happen to be public figures cannot be understated. Regardless of their race the Obamas serve as an example to everyone.

I am reminded of my Minister and his wife who would often share the podium with him and when he spoke she looked at him with such respect and regard which was understandable since he was a pretty big deal. However when she spoke the regard and respect was equally returned by him. It made such an impression on me and I don't know "how" they got there, they were both on second marriages but their bond was true and there was an ease in their dynamic that I had never seen....until the Obamas came along. I know having such a public example will affect all of us for the better and though I am sure there are many healthy marriages out there we certainly are lacking in a public example of one. We all want to be spared of yet another politician's wife doing the "pity" walk as he is discovered for some misconduct and she stands there for "moral support".

[Freedoms Friend]

This is a relationship about respect without fear neither one feels threatened by the other and feel free to express their feelings openly not worrying that they may be used against them later. You see it in their relationship with their children so open, no jealousy, each being content in any other family members company including Grandma and I assume all other relatives.
This, I believe, is why P.E. Obama is confident enough to bring in the strongest of people to his cabinet, he will not feel threatened and be unafraid to take the best counsel and base his decisions with a mind uncluttered with self doubt or ideological agenda.