One of the greatest benefits of an Obama presidency is hidden in plain sight: the relationship between Michelle and Barack. They provide a great role model of a healthy relationship, at a time when such models are sorely needed.
For example...
Imagine having a president who is not distracted from the nation's business by the stresses of secrets in the presidential marriage.
Imagine having a president who likes his partner and values her as an equal, a president who touches his wife affectionately in public and actually listens to her when she talks!
Fortunately we don't have to imagine it, because we already have that potential at the tip of our voting fingers. For Americans, one of the most important aspects of an Obama presidency is being overlooked: the model of a healthy relationship. In the 28 years of our own marriage, we've worked with more than 4,000 couples in our office and seminars, so we have a reasonably good idea of what kinds of behavior one sees in a healthy relationship. For example, Michelle and Barack do something we've never seen before in a presidential couple: they actually look directly at each other when they're speaking to each other. They also laugh at each other's humor, and they allow their sexual attraction for each other to be visible. Contrast that with other presidential marriages, in which the sexual attraction to each other was not visible but their sexual attraction to others became highly visible. Michelle and Barack talk openly about their feelings for each other. They're real.
Why would their relationship be a benefit to the American public and the world at large? The main reason is that it would be genuinely useful to have a visible, public role model of what a healthy relationship looks like. Over the last fifty years there's been a parade of not-so-great relationship models in the White House. They range from idol-worship (Nancy's perpetually-adoring glaze, oops we mean gaze, at Ronnie) to the sternly maternal façade of the first Mrs. Bush. We've witnessed White House marriages strained to the breaking point by secrets. The country lost 50 million dollars and a year of the government's focus because one president actually did have sex with "that woman" but wouldn't tell us the truth until he was outed by DNA.
How about Camelot? Many of us were fooled into thinking the Kennedys were the very picture of a Perfect Relationship. There was a handsome, rich Prince with knockout hair, coupled with a doll-Princess whose faraway smile and breathy, little-girl voice made her seem heaven-sent. Unfortunately, it was all just a fantasy. In reality, John was a serial philanderer and Jackie was a chain-smoker who swore like a sailor and dropped the little-girl voice the moment she walked off-stage. There's no way to measure the productivity that was lost because the president's staff had to earn part of their government salaries ushering women in and out of the White House, all with exquisite timing (and with the look-the-other-way collusion of the media.)
However, you don't have to go back in that far in history to see a strange or strained White House marriage. Have you ever seen the current occupant of the White House speak, much less listen, to his wife in public? For example, do we ever get to hear from the real Laura Bush, the one who disagrees completely with the far-right views of her husband on such matters as women's reproductive rights? No, because she's been muzzled, like most of her predecessors, and sealed off behind the glazed smile of the Perfect Presidential Wife.
It's high time we got to see an honest, loving, real relationship in the White House. If you're like us, you probably don't want to spend the next four years hearing how much the perfectly-coiffed Mrs. McCain has spent on her outfit, which of their nine houses they're weekending at or which of their thirteen cars they're wheeling around in. There's something bigger to worry about, though. If the actuarial tables have any predictive value, a McCain presidency would soon become a Palin presidency, and that is a scenario truly frightening to contemplate.
President Palin would be desperately trying to comprehend and handle business during one of the most trying times in our nation's history, while taking care of a special needs baby, riding herd on pregnant teenagers, foul-mouthed hockey-jock son-in-laws and other household dramas. On the brighter side, a Palin White House would provide one exciting possibility for our increasingly tabloid-obsessed culture: the perfect capstone for Jerry Springer's career! He would make an ideal Chief of Staff or Sergeant-At-Arms, charged with keeping the gun-totin', hockey-stick-wielding clan from wrecking the furniture (and each other) or blowing away a moose for sport on the White House lawn.
Here's a better idea: Elect Barack Obama. That way, we get the gift of seeing two people having an easeful friendship with each other. We get as a role model two people who communicate with each other as equals and stand beside each other as true partners. If we elect Barack Obama we are electing a new possibility in our relationship lives as a nation: respect, affection and authenticity. Michelle and Barack speak clearly and openly. You know she won't bullshit you or embarrass you by playing the demure little wife. We're ready to see that kind of relationship, and we hope you are, too. The question is: are we as a nation ready to end our national addiction to duplicity, phony adoration and Stepford wifedom in the White House? If not, we're going to get what we deserve.
We have a chance now to make a real difference in the world. If we elect Barack Obama, we can all focus on the critical challenges that must be met now. Speaking personally, we feel a sense of warmth and pride when we think about the support and love the Obamas have for each other. We breathe easier when we see how they live their lives with balance, honesty and clarity. They're the real deal. In November, let's give ourselves this new mirror of our own value.
Follow Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks on Twitter: www.twitter.com/loveconscious
Maybe it's frivolous, but wouldn't it be fun to have a baby in the White House?! It's possible for the first time in a long time! You KNOW the Obamas will get biblical in the WH... This couple is hot -individually and together- and their little girls are adorable.
But Sen. Obama still must think he deserves the privilege of state-sanctioned marriage.
He is against same-sex marriage. He is no leader, he wants no change for me!
And yet, while I really detest George Bush and everything he stands for, I have to admit that I see no proof that George and Laura "have secrets in their marriage". George also treats Laura as an equal (if not his superior), so far as I can tell. No has any rumour of infidelity reared its head.
I think that George Bush has been a disaster as a president, but I try not to let my political beliefs cloud my judgment. There's no evidence that -- at least during his eight years in the White House -- he's been less than a good husband. Laura Bush seems to be a woman of quality, and while I've always wondered why she chose to marry him, evidently their marriage is a good one.
It is puzzling to wonder what she sees in him that the rest of us don't. Perhaps it just a love is blind sort of thing? She seems to have stuck with him in think and thin.
Yes the Obamas have a strong, healthy marriage. So do George & Laura Bush, they display it in a subtler manner. The McCains are a different generation than the Obamas, and as such display emotion towards each other differently. Todd and Sarah Palin are young parents, dealing with teenagers, and now have to take one of the toughest tests a marriage has to endure - having a child with special needs.
Maria Crosby
Being a hopeless romantic, I had to reply to this column. May I say to the Hendricks', you all have said just what I thought and observed a while ago, in that Barack and Michelle truly are really and unequivocally in love. Likewise, so are The Bidens. As a matter of fact, as I watched CNN Presents special on Joe Biden, I could not help but be happy that he actually found and that God blessed him with a second chance at love. Both of these men are not only good for this country, but true love for putting "country first", really does begin at home, and Senators Biden/Obama, Obama/Biden have made it a clear choice that they will lead with wise and discerning judgment. They have already exemplified that with their respective choices in the ladies in their lives.
Again, Kathlyn and Gay, well done for this article. It is so refreshing that there are people who are looking at the "softer side" of politics in all of this.
Lee
Genesis 2:18
John 10:27
The Nixons - Dry as dust
The Kennedys - Bad as it was, you knew there was something there
The Johnson's - He couldn't live without her
I have thought of that often in connection with the Obamas
Their relationship is always loving and apparent. It may well be in the Johnson category, which was also demonstrably positive. Lady Bird Johnson was a wonderful wife, mother, and strong in her own right. Whene Johnson became president, LadyBird's secretary said that the Americans have a huge surprise in store with respect to Lady Bird. Indeed we did.
On the humorous yet derogatory side, if Palin is VP then the VP’s Navel Observatory home will be known as the ‘the other side of the tracks’; if she becomes President then the White House will become known as the most famous ‘double-wide’ on earth.
More seriously, the grounded and equal relationship of Michelle and Barack will result in an element of normalcy long missing in the White House institution. It will manifest itself in fewer, and only those that are necessary, armed military responses (because a protective rational Mother will be heard for a change) and more focus on what should be important for this country, health care and education
I find a sincerely affectionate relationship between married couples, reassuring. As well as an indicator of who these people are. Particularly, within the context of balance between their professional and personal lives. It's a good reflection on how they manage their lives and how we can visualise how they will manage their governance, with balance.
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/9/27/102229/966
That would be so refreshing and inspiring to see every day.