The Top 10 Relationship Movies Of All Time

Over the years people have often asked us to make a list of our favorite relationship movies. The task proved harder than it sounds, because there are so many wonderful movies to choose from. Finally, though, we've come up with our Top 10.

Our criteria combined artistic merit with the ability of the movie to shed light on the inner workings of relationships and how to maximize their potential. In addition, all the movies we selected share that elusive quality known as heart. We've watched hundreds of movies during the nearly 30 years we've been together. These are the ones that moved us deeply as works of art and inspired us to recommend them as teaching-tools at seminars and professional conferences.

Any Top 10 list is arguable, subjective and highly debatable. If you're a relationship-movie enthusiast, we look forward to hearing about what your favorites are. Please send your nominations to us at [e-mail] or submit them below in the comments.

Here are the first five movies on the list, followed by short write-ups about why each movie was chosen and what you might learn from it.

We'll present the other movies on the list in our next post.

1. Moonstruck


2. The Holiday


3. The January Man


4. Truly, Madly, Deeply


5. Monsoon Wedding


Moonstruck

This masterpiece has many things to recommend it, but if we were going to pick just one thing it would be the tour-de-force speech about victimhood and responsibility that Nicholas Cage gives in the basement of the bakery. Everyone interested in relationships should watch this scene (we've probably watched it 100+ times.) It's not only brilliant acting but also shows exactly how people can get trapped in a painful moment in the past that causes them to adopt a view of themselves as victims and reject love that's being offered to them in the present. Also, the ending scene around the dinner table is ensemble acting at its exquisite best.

The Holiday


What a treasure! Nancy Meyers wrote, directed and produced this warm-hearted miracle of a movie. It's got a lot of useful wisdom in it about how to get unstuck from past relationships so you can be present in the moment to give and receive love. Kate Winslet and Jude Law give luminous performances. Pay particularly close attention to Kate Winslet's tirade toward the end when she's finally closing the door on her boyfriend, the quintessential handsome cad she's been putting up with for 'way too long. If you've ever been lied to by someone who's says they love you, you'll laugh and wince and learn a lot at she gives him his come-uppance.

The January Man


This overlooked gem is a thriller that we recommend primarily because of one brilliant scene. It takes place toward the beginning, so if you don't like the thriller aspects of the movie you can skip the rest. Watch closely the scene between Kevin Kline and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio in the restaurant at the ice-skating rink. It has one of the best examples ever of how to speak honestly in relationships. If people could learn to talk to each other like this, there would be far fewer problems in relationships.

Truly, Madly, Deeply


This heartful drama, directed by Anthony Minghella, is one of the most beautiful movies we've ever seen. It not only has magical performances from Juliet Stevenson and Alan Rickman, it also teaches powerful healing-lessons about how to come to terms with loss and grief. One high moment of the movie comes when the characters quote a poem from Pablo Neruda. Just thinking of that moment brings tears to our eyes.

Monsoon Wedding


This comedy/drama, directed by Mira Nair, is a loving look at the complexities of an Indian culture in which arranged marriages often match partners whose hearts belong to others. But this wise movie speaks to a universal problem: when you withhold a truth from your partner, you pull back from the relationship and project your own fears and fantasies onto the other person. The film shows a beautiful example of how to resolve this problem through authentic emotional expression. When the truth is finally spoken, the betrothed partners find a depth in each other (and themselves) that had gone unseen before.

Keep an eye out for Part 2 on Friday, August 15th.

Follow Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks on Twitter: www.twitter.com/GayHendricks

Comments

[freda]

Diane Keaton and Warren Beatty in Reds.
Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson in Somethings Gotta Give.
Diane Keaton and Mel Gibson in Mrs. Soffel.
I also loved her liberal relationship with her kids in The Family Stone.

[jeanne193]

Groundhog Day!!

[Marina 51]

The legend of Paul and Paula.

[drjay79]

Moonstruck: the ending scene was around breakfast not dinner. It is one of my favorite scenes of all time.

[mondobleu]

Mulhulland Drive

Breathless

Black Snake Moan

Breaking The Waves

[SallyMutant]

Do you mean movies about good relationships or good movies about relationships? Lots of peoples ' lists name great movies about dysfunctional realtionships.
For independent, thinking women leads, rent almost any 30's-40's movie starring
Jean Arthur
Myrna Loy
Rosalind Russell
Carole Lombard
Irene Dunne
Claudette Colbert
And with a caveat, Katherine Hepburn. The ones she made with that hammy Spencer Tracy usually have unfortunate "uppity woman gets taken down a peg" scenes at their conclusions. (He spanks her in one.) But Cary Grant treated her right.

[janinius]

casablanca
moulin rouge
hannah and her sisters

[deckbose]

A Place in the Sun
The Apartment
Now, Voyager
Vertigo
The Way We Were
The Graduate
The Philadelphia Story
Sense and Sensibility
Bonnie and Clyde
The African Queen
Heaven Knows, Mr. Allison
Love Me or Leave Me
The Razor's Edge

[deckbose]

Harold & Maude
Notorious
Double Indemnity
Come Back, Little Sheba
Adam's Rib
Laura
The Joker Is Wild
The Postman Always Rings Twice
Coming Home
From Here to Eternity

[Marina 51]

Message in a bottle

[janedarcy]

When Harry Met Sally

[kittycago]

Dr Zhivago

[mamacat]

Breaking the Waves
Hunchback of Notre Dame
Elling
Jerry Maguire
The Postman (Italian)
The Ghost and Mrs. Muir
The English Patient
An Officer and a Gentleman
Pretty Woman
Cyrano de Bergerac
Ghost
The French Lieutenant's Woman
Sabrina
The African Queen
Black Orpheus
West Side Story/Romeo and Juliet
Dr. Zhivago
Secretary
Love Story
Amelie
King of Hearts
Terms of Endearment
The Graduate
Shakespeare in Love

[wondering]

Seems folks need to be reminded that they made movies before 1980 (and made them for adults).

How about "The Umbrellas of Cherbourg"? Wonderful cinematography (those brilliant colors and the dialogue entirely delivered in song) and an achingly tragic relationship (like a modern Romeo and Juliet). Plus a young beautiful Catherine Deneuve. One of the great movies.

[liarsliar]

One of my favs: The end of the Affair (1999)