If adulthood is defined as being completely self-supporting and living on one's own, then I achieved that milestone when I was 23. If it is defined by getting married, having a child, or paying a mortgage, I crossed those off my list at 27, 33, and 35, respectively.
But looking back, I now know I became a card-carrying member of the grown-up set the morning I looked down at my gorgeous second child, who was only six weeks old, and was struck with the overwhelming feeling that there was something profoundly wrong with her. Yes, I became an adult at 36, the day I knew in my heart that my daughter had significant special needs.
That was the beginning of many, many visits to a host of specialists, therapists and teachers. Countless appointments that started with, "I don't think it's anything serious," and ended with, "Something does seem to be very wrong." So many invasive tests and procedures that suggested syndromes and diseases that were life-threatening only to have other tests contradict them. Five MRIs that showed significant brain damage but not one doctor that could tell us what it all meant.
Through it all I had a little girl who needed me to make it better. Yet, I couldn't. Despite countless professionals reassuring me that she would eventually be OK, she wasn't.
I have never felt more like an adult. My husband and I were responsible for this little girl. Her future depended on us. The fear that we would screw up was overwhelming at times.
The way I sometimes describe Lizzy's condition is to compare her to an amazing computer that has all the bells and whistles you could want. Yet each time you turn it on, you get another result. Some days it never turns on. Other days it turns on but gives you information that makes no sense. Then there are the days it may work perfectly for an hour or two and shows you just what an amazing machine it is, only to stop working again.
Before we had Lizzy I believed that doctors, therapists and teachers would always have the answers, and if they didn't, all I had to do was look harder to find one who did. I lived under the delusion that all I needed was good insurance, a supportive family, and a husband who was willing to work as hard as I was, and we would not only find out what was wrong with our sweet girl, we could actually "fix" her.
My friends and family would tell me that I was doing everything I could, but how can that be true when I was unable to help her? My husband and I started to wrap our family in a cocoon. We stopped sharing the more difficult aspects of Lizzy's issues with our loved ones. I couldn't take any more looks of pity or comments that I was a saint.
And I was angry. I had always been able to solve any problem that came my way, why couldn't I do it now when it mattered the most?
I began to realize that my belief that I could always find an answer and a solution came from a place of privilege. One only needs to watch the news or read the paper to see that difficult, horrible things happen to people everyday. Why did I think I was immune? What made me so special?
Whenever I have a pang of the "why me's," I focus on everything I do have and think about the families who are dealing with everything that we are and more. Many doing it without the resources and support we are lucky enough to have.
I stopped being consumed with finding the reason behind her condition and started to look for ways to manage it. We were very fortunate to find a doctor who was able to find the right combination of medicines that allow for Lizzy to be able to go to school and sit through a meal with her family. Today she attends a school for children with special needs and is a happy 14-year-old girl who loves princesses, cheerleading, art, and music.
Today I see all that we have gone through, and will most likely continue to go through as on odd blessing. I am a much stronger, more understanding adult than I would have ever been if I wasn't the mom of a special princess.
This piece was first published on She Knows. You can find more pieces about special needs parenting on Kathy's site, My Dishwasher's Possessed!
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.