In Defense of Kate Gosselin -- A Feminist Perspective

Does it occur to anyone else that some of the criticism of Kate Gosselin, the mom in John and Kate plus Eight, is pure, unadulterated sexism? There is no doubt who is in charge in that household, who wears the pants if you will, and the nontraditional power relationship drives some of this public hostility.

Contrast the recent coverage screaming at us from the headlines of all those colorful magazines at the checkout stand. She gave him an allowance of $5? She travels while he stays home? He is a saint for getting the kids dressed once in awhile?

The Duggers, with 18 children, a made up religion that seems to advocate contempt for the rest of America, and a reality TV show on TLC, also have these same rules. But the pronouns are reversed. They stepped out of the '50's - the 1850's that is - complete with long dresses and an absolute, unflinching patriarchy.

Why don't I hear screeching about their parenting? Between the homeschooling, the physical construction work on the new house, and the system of letting the children parent each other, they are much farther from the American parenting norm than the Gosselins.

So go ahead and bag on her spray tan, her mullet in the making hair style, or her new boobs, but enough about her emasculating her husband. She's not the next Lorena Bobbitt, just your average $75,000 a week reality TV star with 8 kids, a sloth of a husband and a book tour.

Comments

[dancingstu]

"Does it occur to anyone else that some of the criticism of Kate Gosselin, the mom in John and Kate plus Eight, is pure, unadulterated sexism?"

Ms. Buckland, at the risk of being rude, you have not stated anything at all in the very sentence that introduces this point you are trying to prove. I suspect that this may be deliberate on your part, because you don't want to be forced to defend your position with actual facts. "SOME of the criticism"? How much is "some"? Five people? 100? Most of the criticism?

After this, you proceed to attempt to defend what you would most likely describe as an emotionally abusive relationship if the roles were reversed. Why is it sexism to recognize this?

I'll skip your comments on the Duggars because I have only watched that show once and, frankly, I didn't see the husband belittling his wife or children once.

I do have one final question: what's the deal with you labeling her husband a "sloth"?

I think your own sexism has clouded your worldview.

[GabrielXL]

Do we feel better now?

[Theoretica]

The difference between the Duggar marriage and the Gosselin marriage is simple. The Duggars are HAPPY with the arrangement (archaic and patriarchal as it may be), and the Gosselin's are NOT. Well, Jon isn't at least. I don't give a rat's @ss who wears what pants in a marriage. As long as it's a mutually agreed on arrangement. But when one partner is barking and belittling another, and the 'underdog' spouse is reduced to passive aggressive snarkfests, something is off balance and clearly not working. That's not feminism. That's being a jerk. There's a difference, and I am personally offended as a woman that criticizing Kate's treatment of her husband is sexism. If a man spoke to his wife that way on national television, women across the nation would be up in arms at how terrible he is. Just because she's female doesn't give her the right to emasculate her husband without his consent.

[HollyP]

I think it is great that Kate Gosselin is pursuing a career while her husband John stays home and tends the children. What I don't think is great, is the two of them squabbling in public and keeping their family in front of the camera while their marriage is falling apart. At best, it is unseemly and probably makes mending their marriage harder. At worst, it may damage their children to see this.

[Chaimirija]

are you married? all marriages 'fall apart' at some time

[skippypicasso]

How about I just stop caring about any of them? Oh, wait. I never started. I guess I'll never be as well-adjusted as a Kate Gosselin supporter, whatever that is.

[Owlette]

Finally - someone with common sense writing about this. The thing is, there have been hysterical, self-hating women since the beginning screeching about Kate Gosselin. It was always a mystery to me as to why they were so virulent, and why there were so damn many of them.

I would venture that there is not a single one of these haters whose lives could withstand the scrutiny of reality television. And why are they so cruel, dismissive, and ugly about this woman? I can only conclude that she frightens them somehow by breaking the mold that they themselves are stuck in.

The intensity of remarks against Kate by other women just underscores how deep sexism runs in the 21st century. If the shoe were on the other foot, Jon would be a hero! A provider! A clever exploiter of opportunities to provide for his family! A MAN!

Neither she nor her husband are perfect (and often pointed out the ways in which they weren't), but they loved each other and their kids. It's a shame that they have lost their way and are trying to find it in the glare of the media spotlight.

[Chaimirija]

'could withstand the scrutiny'

yep!

[loria]

I don't like any of these families. Couldn't they be responsible and stop having babies at some reasonable point? I am sure that Mother Earth appeciates those of us who think it's not a good idea these days to have as many children "as God (or fertility drugs) will give us".

[gabangel]

Yes! Thank you for saying what I have been thinking. The negativity of the coverage is so severe because of latent sexism still present in many people's minds. The "normality" of the family is the reason I started liking the show in the first place, and I don't see how it's any different now.

It takes a situation like this involving a strong woman like Kate and a more submissive person like Jon to really bring out the sexism in our culture which is far more sinister than anything Kate or Jon could ever do.

[wandering girl]

oh, please. Kate Gosselin may not deserve the petty criticisms she is getting, but she & her husband are both to be castigated for letting themselves be made the "flavor of the month" for several years in their benighted "reality" show.

did no one learn from the Loud family's experience? did *anyone* really think this was a good idea?

as for the Duggers and their brood - the same comments: you want the fame and adulation that comes from being continually in the public eye? then accept the pokes and jibes as well, or get off the stage.