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Top 10 Ways the Congressional Black Caucus Should be More Like Allen West

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ALLEN WEST
AP

I doubt that any members of the Congressional Black Caucus got any sleep last night. I'm sure they were tossing and turning, sick with worry and regret, trembling in fear over Allen West's threat to leave the caucus. What could possible make West want to break ranks with colleagues he respectfully and lovingly likens to overseers? Apparently, West was disturbed by comments by CBC members like Andre Carson, who said "Some of them in Congress right now of this Tea Party movement would love to see you and me... hanging on a tree." Chairman Emanuel Cleaver must have had the fear of death in him when he read West's ultimatum. West urged Cleaver to "condemn" and "disassociate the Congressional Black Caucus" from the "hate filled comments." "Otherwise" wrote West "I will have to seriously reconsider my membership within the organization." Grounding his decision in the wise words of President Obama, whom he respectfully and lovingly calls "the dumbest person walking around in America right now." West explained "We heard the president talk about some of this over-the-top rhetoric and we should move away from that." I seriously hope the CBC changes its oh so hateful tune and adopts, instead, the rational, moderate and not at all over the top voice spoken by Allen West. Here are the 10 of the countless Allen Westisms the CBC should emulate.

1) On Obama: West calls Obama "the dumbest person walking around in America right now," and says "I can't stand the guy. I absolutely can't stand him." Referring to a speech by Obama, West said "What you continue to see is a third world dictator-like arrogance... I'm starting to believe that a community organizer is nothing but a low-level socialist agitator."

2) On fellow Representative Keith Ellison: West said the Minnesota Congressman, who is Muslim, represents the "antithesis of the principles upon which this country was established."

3) On Debbie Wasserman Shulz: West emailed his fellow Florida Representative, "You are the most vile, unprofessional and despicable member of the U.S. House of Representatives. If you have something to say to me, stop being a coward and say it to my face, otherwise, shut the heck up." He added that she was "not a lady" and "shall not be afforded due respect from me!" West CC'd House Leaders on the email so they would be aware of the Congresswoman's "heinous characterless behavior."

4) On Obama supporters: "I must confess, when I see anyone with an Obama 2012 bumper sticker, I recognize them as a threat to the gene pool."

5) On Islam: West said: "A nation goes to war against an ideology.... we are against something that is a totalitarian theocratic political ideology and it is called Islam."

6) On his critics: after the Florida newspaper the New Times criticized West for violating violating U.S. federal law by flying an American flag underwater, he called the newspaper "idiot Liberals," "delusional dummies," and "a bunch of losers."

7) On women: " The women in our campaign printed up t-shirts that said "Women for West."... to let these other women know, on the other side, these Planned Parenthood women, the Code Pink women, and all of these women who have been neutering American men and bringing us to the point of this incredible weakness, to let them know that we are not going to have our men become subservient." West also called Code Pink "losers" and "Code Yellow, as in cowards, for you are nothing more than a group of misguided partisan sycophants devoid of principle, integrity, and character."

8) On Black Democrat leaders: West called black Democrats including CBC member Maxine Waters: "overseers of this 21st-century plantation," meant to "pacify and keep the black community firmly behind [white liberals]..."

9) On himself: Allen West showed some love towards himself with this totally not
over the top statement: "I'm here as the modern-day Harriet Tubman, to kind of lead people on the Underground Railroad, away from that plantation into a sense of sensibility." It turns out West sent his own unemployed brother to a jobs fair held by the very overseers he criticizes, which means he sent his own brother to find work on a "plantation." I guess his underground railroad goes in reverse. In all fairness, it must be confusing for Allen given that he calls "Plantation" home. He literally lives in the town of "Plantation", Florida, whose motto is "The Grass is Always Greener."

10) On Yehiya Hamoodi, the Iraqi detainee West had beaten, tortured, and shot at: "In my anger, I couldn't remember how many shots were fired." Also, West joked, "It wasn't torture. Seeing Rosie O'Donnell naked would be torture." West was fined for his treatment of the prisoner, and even admits "It's possible I was wrong about Mr. Hamoodi" but he would do it again!