Pervie Pervez is a Sexy Beast

05/25/2011 12:20 pm ET

Dear person in power when this letter arrives in Pakistan:

Please, please, please, let Musharraf keep his uniform.

I was fine with Musharraf stepping down today as leader of Pakistan's armed forces, and totally OK with his being sworn in as a civilian. But, I think I speak for Pervez and myself when I say, let him keep the uniform. Speaking for himself, a demilitarized but feklempt Musharraf said, "I am bidding farewell to the army after having been in uniform for 46 years...This army is my life, my passion. I love this army, and this relationship will continue, although I will not be in uniform." It seems like Musharraf is most concerned about not being able to wear his uniform. Can you blame him? A picture is worth a thousand words, (I guess these two are worth 2,000 words) so please, take a look!



In a suit, the President looks looks like an avuncular bureaucrat, a friend of the West, a supporter of democracy. But in a military uniform, General Pervez "Pervie" Musharraf is transformed into the sexy beast he really is: the naughty bad boy/ stern task master who will launch a coup on you from behind, crush your opposition, bump and grind and oust your elected leaders, suspend your constitution, and declare his martial law all over you until you're begging for reform. With his nuclear virulence and proliferation, Musharraf could literally rock your world and blow your mind.

This is why "The Mush" isn't the only one obsessing about the wardrobe change. I'm freaking out! Who is going to fulfill my democracy-touting, oppressive dictator-in-army-uniform fantasy, now that Pervez is back in plainclothes?

Katie Halper