The Real Tragedy Behind Craig's arrest: The Death of The Singing Senators

Today is a terrible day for America, public bathrooms, a cappella music everywhere. The arrest of Senator Larry Craig by an undercover police officer for lewd conduct in a public men's bathroom is the final nail in the coffin in which rots the once vibrant barbershop quartet known as the Singing Senators. Also called the Vocal Majority, the Singing Senators, or SS, consisted of John Ashcroft, baritone; Trent Lott, bass; Jim Jeffords, tenor; and Larry Craig, lead.

The quartet's beginning were as humble as the senators themselves. They started out harmonizing to "Happy Birthday" at the birthday party of fellow Republican senator Bob Packwood, a framee in his own right, who would be forced to resign over sexual harassment charges based on bogus evidence like his diary and accusations from 11 different people. The crooners had their formal debut at the Kennedy Center and then went on to record an album Let Freedom Sing in Nashville and perform on The Today Show. As their popularity skyrocketed, the SS started performing more frequently, raising millions of dollars for Republican causes and charities. They may have sounded in tune, but something was out of key. And that was Jim Jeffords, who became an Independent, betraying not only the GOP but the SS. Days before Jeffords defected, a hopeful Lott predicted Jefford would stay in the party "After all, I mean, what would we do in the future about the Singing Senators? We need Jim to be part of that harmony." But Jeffords abandoned the quartet, and in a flash the Singing Senators were over, a blast from the past. Lott never saw it coming.

But Craig would not be silenced and, the quartet's lead, used to leading, launched a solo career, writing his own songs, the most notable perhaps, an homage to Judge Samuel Alito, (to the tune of the West Side Story's "Maria"

The most beautiful sound I've ever heard/Alito, Alito/Alito, I just met a judge named Alito/And suddenly the name will never be the same/Alito, Bush just picked a judge named Alito/Alito, say it proud, that Republican saying/Say it soft and there's Democrats praying/Alito, may the Senate confirm Alito.

Singing was just to fun for this senator to give up. As Craig explained to Senator John Thune, whom he tried to recruit to the SS, "You've got to let your hair down and enjoy it."

Then finally, only two months ago, on June 12, after a six-year hiatus, the Singing Senators made a comeback! Purged of the defecting Jeffords, their sound was purer and the trio was tighter. Craig explained, "We're not a quartet any longer. We're a trio, and there are a lot of good reasons for that." Singing at a fundraiser for the Congressional Coalition of Adoption Institute, the three singing senators performed "God Bless America," country and gospel tunes, and the sexy Oak Ridge Boys hit "American Made":

She looks good in her tight blue jeans /she bought in Mexico/ And she loves wearing French perfume everywhere we go/ But when it comes to the lovin' heart/ one thing is true/ My Baby's genuine "U.S.A."/red white and blue/ From her silky long hair to her sexy long legs/ My baby is "American Made"

The SS had performed with the Oak Ridge Boys in 1997, so singing "American Made" marked a 10 year anniversary of Christian jamming.

Here's where things get fishy. This reunion show took place on Tuesday, June 12. The arrest of Larry Craig took place on June 11th, one day before! And the arrest report was entered on June 12th, just hours before the reunion concert would kick off. A coincidence? Or a vast left-wing conspiracy? The reunion concert had to have been widely publicized through the series of tubes that is the internets. And the arrest was surely an attempt to silence Craig and the Singing Senators. The former rancher, family values conservative Idaho senator is said to have solicited gay sex in an airport bathroom. And yet, Craig is so straight, he voted for a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage(sorry, Mary Cheney), opposes including homosexuals in hate crime legislation. And he's so not gay that when he was accused of being involved in a sex scandal involing male pages he said that made him "Mad as hell."

Which sounds pretty macho to me. If he's gay, why did he preemptively release a statement saying he wasn't when he hadn't been implicated in the scandal anyway? Sheesh. What could be less gay?

It looks like someone wants to shut up the Singing Senators....only this time...for good.

The Barbershop ensemble, be it quartet or trio, is the most wholsomee, most patriotic of all American all-male a cappella singing traditions. The values, the freedom-loving, and the irresistible melodies and rthyms of the SS threaten the liberal, gay, Jewish, vegan establishment bent on bringing down America.

Well, they may be able to stop the Singing Senators. They may be able to frame Craig. They may be able to persecute Lott, destroy his porch and put racist words in his mouth. They may be able to recruit Jim Jeffords. But nothing, not even pancreatis or Gonzolezean hospital-room harassment can bring down John Ashcroft. He will sing for the Senators -- he will make the Singing Senators soar.

Comments

[godlessclif]

Al Pacino will play Larry Craig in the movie.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080569/

[Horsefeather]

The great American experiment in ideology has to be the most notorious challenge to human nature. All these people attempting to live together within the confines of a country made up of geographical borders and cherished individual perceptions without hurting each other. Tolerance, I suppose, an essential element in the experiment, so blissfully abandoned in celebrating the independence of a will to dominate. The distance from success, if you will, is painfully obvious in the semantic of the word "gay" implying sexual orientation of an immoral nature. Did tolerance ever exist? Or was it just an idea? I fear the experiment for too many has found its own conclusion. Ah, yes. Fear again.

[kittycago]

Seems as though that nasty boy liked to do a little more than sing he also knew a special little tap dance in a men's room stall.He is the kind of sicko that keep mothers of young boys hesitantly taking their sons into ladies rooms in public places or worst not using public parks.Invoking family values and gay bashing while cruising for sex is not only repulsive it is the height of hypocrisy.This is not a mistake he knew the moves that most of us would have clue even existed and knew where to go to use them.I do find it heartening that he states he is not gay.Any gay person I know is a far better person than he seems to be.

[Gailhen]

These people are almost impossible to satirize, but Katie Halper has done a damned fine job.

[yowza1]

This is particularly disturbing to me as a single straight man who has been approached and hassled by unwanted gay predators throughout my adult life, from the forced cough in the bathroom, the lingering man with the loose draped towel in the mens locker/shower room, the quick friendships that turn out to be come-ons, et al ad nauseum. Lets get the Larry Craigs out of our public bathrooms with their filthy graffiti on the walls and their pushiness to have toilet sex. At least he chose the correct political party to be in, the Republican party which seems to be trying so hard to outdo itself in sleaze, chicanery and all around moral bankruptcy.

[foofighter]

How about "Blowin' in the stalls"?

"How many stalls must a man go in, before he can find him a man?"

Apologies to Zimmerman!

[Sidewhispers]

Many great musicians met their ends in bathrooms: Elvis, Mama Cas, Morrison(?), to name a few. Sen. Craig should not be so ashamed.

[Sidewhispers]

A great "Behind the Music Story."

[zendem1]

Revised Set List:

"Knock Three times"

"Oops I Did It Again"

"Tainted Love"

"My Buckets got a Hole in it"

"Hello, Walls"

[kiafaret]

And then there were two. Will Trent be next? Drum majors have always been suspect.

[BeamMeUpScotty]

A racist, a pervert and a religious zealot pretty much sums up this administration.

[Spud777]

Looks like they will need to change the Band's name to "The Singing Sisters". How appropriate.

[josieb]

Ashcroft for the once and future AG!!

[OleHippieChick]

Closeted, public-toilet-haunting rethugs masquerading as heteros are giving gay people a bad name.
And barbershopping is the epitome of cornball. Yucko.

[ConcernedAboutRFuture]

Oh what a waste of a gay man....or two or 12.

Why can't they be like those cool gay guys I used to go club hopping with in NYC? No bull, no hipocracy... kind of WYSIWYG. Some of the most fun I've ever had.

These congressional losers give gay men a BAD name.

[retarius]

Great post...funny as hell....

Re-name the GOP....Gay Ole Party?

Water-closet Republicans anybody?

[fedupnburnin]

Not only can they manage an entire nation into an abyss, they can sing to.

[Spookcatcher]

WOW! I didn't know that there is so much revenue to be had by "authorities" that they stake out full time officers to "man" bathrooms, to get a "grip" on predatory homosexual behavior. I guess with American Traffic Solutions Company's Corporate goal to put cameras on every corner of America, it frees more tuff cops up to get involved in the cleaning up of these really Hieanus, deadly, dangerous, and "national security" airport related criminal activities. Look for Alan Arkin to make a big screen comeback using this plot as a sequel/remake to "Freebie and the Bean". Tony Orlando and Dawn can sing the opening song to their knock three times melody; "tap your feet, in the stall if you want me, twice on the tank (tink tink) means you gots lotsa dough...

[BrickSykes]

Ah, come'on guy!

This is Hilarious! When the pompous Republican hypocrites get caught, that is. Not unbelievable by any stretch, but just impossible to comprehend. Not that I want to understand that level of fascination with another man's pecker, but, sh*t! Trolling in Restrooms? Getting down on one's knees on a pissy floor? Just how much self-esteem can that sort of human being have?

No, wait, I don't really want to know....

[Spookcatcher]

I agree it is hillarious. I would rather have the Cameras on the members of our government with us watching them 24/7, then on my street corners. It might gives a new meaning to YouTube.

[Diane B.]

I have a new song for Senator Craig, to sing. The title is "Stalled Sex". I think with a few good choice lyrics and a sexy, but haunting melody, well you could have the key ingredients for a number one hit!! Of course this will be a great money maker for the Republican Party,and we all, know, how their hurting for funds, to help kick start, the stalled 2008 campaign. Yes, the Title could be "Stalled Sex"! Sang by Senator Craig and the, SS.

[Spud777]

Great Post Diane B. I have another title for a song from the soon to be ex-Senator Craig: it is "WIDE STANCE".

[Marc001]

The real truth behind the group's breakup is Craig wanted the foursome's next CD to be George Michael covers. He, of course, would sing lead on "I Want Your Sex," but, being Repubs, they all wanted the lead on "Faith."

[Give Peace A Chance]

Who needs cuddling cowboys in Brokeback Mountain when we have c-span and Republican Senators. They need to give c-span an (R) rating.

[ProgressiveChange]

With an approval rating of 100% by The Christian Coalition, it would be appropriate for former Senate Majority Leader/Dr. Bill Frist to diagnose Senator Craig with restless foot syndrome and involuntary hand spasms.

In March 2005, Dr. Frist, a heart surgeon, exhibited his medical skills by diagnosing Terri Schiavo via video tape: "There seems to be insufficient information to conclude that Terri Schiavo is in a persistent vegetative state," Frist said. "I don't see any justification in removing hydration and nutrition." Ultimately, federal and state laws passed by Congress and the Florida legislature and signed by George and Jeb Bush to keep Terri in a vegatative state were struck down by the federal and state courts.

Nevertheless, it would in keeping with the GOP leadership's past practices to come to the rescue of one of their own by providing him with political cover. Its the least they can do for a loyalist who has stood with his colleagues against the onslaught of flag-burners, abortionists, abortionees, illegal immigrants, gun-control fanatics, the economically disadvantaged, embryonic stem cell resarchers, gays, tax-and-spenders, pollution prevention freaks, wild-eyed oil drilling opponents, chemical weapons banners ... well shucks, see for yourselves
http://www.ontheissues.org/senate/Larry_Craig.htm

Senator Craig should have played the 'God' card ... and that was his only sin. The 'witch hunt' card won't be sufficient as currency for rehab.

[GWBushIsANitwit]

So Larry Craig actually said to the cop, "Can I give you a B sharp?"

[Boadicea]

The Death of the Singing Senators?

Please, Katie, say it ain't so!

[RogerHWerner]

I'm trying to think of something witty to say but what the fuck I'm laughing too hard. The singing senators? I'm at a lose for words...

[brigor]

Craig kept time for the group by tapping his foot right next to Trent Lott