Anyone who has ever been caught with his pants down knows it's easier to look up to Jesus than it is to squat down into a lotus position. So Brit Hume, Fox News commentator and moonlighting theologian, is urging the troubled Tiger Woods to mend his skirt-chasing and om-chanting ways by embracing Christ. On Fox News Sunday, Hume preached :
The extent to which he can recover seems to me depends on his faith... He is said to be a Buddhist. I don't think that faith offers the kind of forgiveness and redemption that is offered by the Christian faith. My message to Tiger would be, 'Tiger, turn to the Christian faith and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world.'
Hume knows a thing or too about redemption. After all, he is a recovering sinner himself, having once been divorced and -- even worse -- a liberal. But the now-remarried conservative has seen the light. If Woods would accept Jesus Christ as his lord and savior, Hume and the entire Christian world would accept this glorious golfer and forgive his swinging tendencies.
Tiger, you'll be happy to know that it's not only politicians who get to sin with one hand and cross themselves with the other. You won't be the odd man out if you convert. You would be in great company, joining a brotherhood of athletes whose fouls meet no penalties. You may have lost some endorsements, but you can represent the best brand ever!
I hereby now induct thee into the Christian-sinner-Sports Hall of Fame! Where you will break bread with:
- Carl Everett. This former Major League outfielder won't be outsmarted by the dinosaurist agenda: "God created the sun, the stars, the heavens and the earth, and then made Adam and Eve." Everett continues his exacting biblical exegesis explaining,"The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Someone actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus rex." Touche. Everett strikes out the alleged "evidence" of dinosaur fossils, which he dismisses as "made by man." He does, however concede that man may have walked on the moon: "it's possible." So Christ forgives him when he gets into shouting matches, grabs his crotch, nose-bumps, says he thrives on being hated, and is charged with child abuse.
So, Tiger, follow the advice of Brother Brit. Embrace Christ like these fellow athletes, whose sinning never gets in the way of their faith and whose faith never gets in the way of their fun! Just Say No to Nirvana and Yes to Deliverance.