Though we've been involved now for over a year, we've gotten more serious in recent months. While we've always had our ups and downs, I've become worried that our relationship is overall unhealthy, imbalanced, and that I've become addicted to you. Let me explain.
1. My relationship with you has hurt my relationship with others. Friends and family say my involvement with you has alienated me from them. They complain that even when I'm with them, I'm always checking in on you. They get frustrated and jealous that I don't give them my undivided attention. I used to think they just didn't understand you, or me, or us. But now I see their concern is appropriate.
2. I spend too much time with you. I remember when I first heard about you, way before I actually got to know you myself, my friends talked about you all the time. But I didn't really get what all the fuss was about. I just didn't get.... you. When we started our relationship, I'd visit you maybe once a month, if that. But then things intensified and I'd see you once a week, then once a day. Then even that wasn't enough and I needed to see you a few times a day.
3. I devote too much mental space to you. When I'm not with you, I'm thinking about you constantly.
4. I'm emotionally dependent on you. I am always looking for validation, affirmation, positive feedback-- any response at all, from you. When you respond positively, I'm so happy and feel like you totally get me.
5. Most of the time, I feel like you don't listen to me. Your non-responsiveness makes me feel ignored, dismissed, unappreciated, undervalued. I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall.
6. We don't speak the same language and you're difficult to communicate with. You're impatient and I'm pretty sure you have ADD. I like to process things and not limit what I have to say. With you, everything has to be calculated, counted, packaged, streamlined into a neat message. I either have to be totally direct with you, or totally indirect, but nothing in between. This all makes me feel muzzled, gagged, constrained.
7. You are unpredictable, unreliable and I don't really "get you." Sometimes I'll express something I think is really important to and you ignore it. And yet, other times I say things that are silly and stupid and am surprised to see that it's these comments you respond to and get excited about.
8. Our senses of humor are not compatible. Sometimes we're totally out of sync and you don't get my humor at all. I'm very sarcastic, but you sometimes think I'm being serious, and become offended. I really don't get how or why you can take these comments seriously, given our history. If you know me AT ALL, you'd get where I'm coming from. I think sometimes you're just reactive, self righteous, lazy and not very critical in your thinking. Other times I say something as a joke that is really corny or cheesy or over the top and it makes me cringe when you think I'm being earnest. When you actually like the very thing I'm making fun of, I feel embarrassed for you.
9. Our relationship is imbalanced and not reciprocal. I put in way more time and energy than I get in return. I pay more attention to you than you do to me. You're involved with a lot of other people, which I thought I was ok with. But I guess I'm seeing that an open relationship just doesn't work for me.
10. You interfere with my work, productivity and creativity. I've definitely learned and gained a lot through our relationship. Everyday I'm with you, I learn more and more about people, life, the world. And you've introduced me to some really great folks, some of whom I count as friends now. You've introduced me to a community I wouldn't have otherwise met. And, in all fairness, you do often inspire me to be creative. But at the same time, the energy I put into you depletes my creativity and energy and make me less productive.
So I think we need to break off our relationship, maybe not forever, but at least for now. I think we need some time apart. I need to spend less time with you, thinking about you, communicating with you. You probably won't even notice my absence. But I need to do this for myself. I'll never forget you and will always appreciate the important role you've filled in my life. Maybe with some time apart, we can change our unhealthy and dysfunctional relationship into a healthier, more meaningful one.
In case you're at all confused, and to be sure you get what I'm saying, I will say it in your language
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