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Top 10 Reasons the U.S. Isn't Getting its Panties in a Bunch over Honduras

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In its response to the events of Honduras, the Obama Administration is acting like a CT (Coup-tease), whose commitment phobia and intimacy issues render it paralyzed and unable to engage in a healthy relationship with Latin America. The Administration flirts with the idea that the coup is really a coup, and it has coquettishly suspended "joint military operations. " Ultimately, however, Obama has refrained from doing the deed, which would mean cutting off aid to Honduras until Zelaya is reinstated. Obama promised he wasn't like all the other guys, but he is repeating some of the behavior and habits displayed by former presidents.

1. At the end of the day, the coup is just not as tweetable as Iran.

2. Treating it as a coup is waaaay too trendy. Everybody is doing it.

3. We kinda sorta trained the coup leaders at the School of the Americas so it's like kinda awkward. Both Honduran coup leader Gen. Romeo Orlando Vásquez Velásquez and Air Force General and coup participant Luis Javier Prince Suazo attended the SOA in 1976 and 1984.

4. Condoning Zelaya's mustache would set a dangerous precedent, which would have a domino effect that could spread beyond Latin America. The specter of facial hair already haunts the faces of Raul Castro and Lula. Can we really afford to lose another country to a mustached leader?

5. Obama thinks the new Honduran Chancellor, who described him as "That black boy who knows nothing about anything" is critiquing racism through satire.

6. We're nostalgic and going retro. It's been a while since the U.S. ignored and/or actively supported a coup in Latin America. Check out the 1950's timeless classic which started the craze "Guatemala" (1954), the 1960's hit "The Dominican Republic" (1965), the 1970's oldie but goodie "Chile" SEPTEMBER 11, 1973, and the 1980's series "Central America" 1980-1989.

7. It's still "too soon" to talk about anything but Michael Jackson.

8. Obama may want to use the "Zelaya option" (kidnapping a pajamas-clad national leader and flying him to another country) on Joe Biden.

9. As goes rumor goes, so goes the United States. The coup Leader Roberto "Michelin Man" Michelett is confident that there are indeed rumors of support from Taiwan and Israel. ``Israel and Taiwan have said they support us....I don't have an official declaration, but that is the rumor I've heard... It's an aspiration I have that all of the countries will be a friend of ours. I have the hope and faith in God that they will come.

10. Restoring democracy after a coup in a country where we have influence, power, and sway would be too easy. We prefer spending time, money and lives bringing democracy to countries that don't want it, through force and invasion.

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