The Lost Art of the Dinner Party

Someone asked me the other day if I thought dinner parties were a lost art. My first instinct was to say yes. After all, we live in a fast-paced society. Everything is now, now, now, gimme, gimme, gimme. We drink our coffee on our way to work, while talking on our cell phone, and simultaneously writing an email on our Blackberry. Do people really take the time, or more importantly have the time, to plan and coordinate a dinner party? I think the answer is in fact yes.

I used to be intimidated by throwing a dinner party. I would get myself so worked up, as if I was hosting the Queen of England. I'll never forget my first Thanksgiving (thanks in part to a scar from a second-degree burn) with my husband. We had just moved into a new house two weeks before, boxes still piled high and random junk scattered throughout, and I invited fifteen guests for dinner. I created an overly-ambitious menu, complete with elaborate hors d'oeuvres and cocktails, a 22-pound turkey, countless side dishes, homemade rolls, and several desserts. Honestly, what on earth was I thinking?

I started cooking the day before, excited to get started in my brand new state-of-the-art kitchen with four ovens and a six-burner stove. I thought I was getting a leg-up on things, but little did I know what was in store for me the next day. I woke up early to get my oversize turkey in the oven and make the roll dough and the pies. The hours were going by, and I found myself getting behind.

It was time for my guests' arrival and I had yet to even get dressed for the party. As the first car pulled into the driveway, I quickly put the mini-mushroom tart hors d'oeuvres in the oven, told my husband to serve drinks, and rushed upstairs to get changed. Ten minutes later, I realized it was time for my tarts to come out of the oven, so I raced back downstairs. As I hastily pulled the hot pan from the oven, it slipped through my oven mitt and onto my exposed forearm, singeing my flesh. I felt the tears well up into my eyes, but stoically wiped them away. I was completely frazzled at this point, but I knew enough to not let my guests see me cry. Instead, I grabbed a bag of frozen peas and attached them to my arm with a rubber band.

My turkey was still not done, though it had been cooking all day. About an hour past the scheduled dinner time, I made an executive decision to just serve the white meat, which appeared to be done and return the dark to the oven. (I've since learned that it is best to buy two smaller birds for a large crowd.) The rolls were in the second oven, which had smoke coming out of it. My poor rolls that I had painstakingly made from scratch, were now black on the top and raw on the bottom. Turned out that the oven in my fancy new kitchen had not been properly calibrated. Nice.

Somehow, I managed to pull it together (a couple glasses of wine certainly helped), and we had a nice Thanksgiving dinner. Afterwards, though, I went straight to bed instead of spending the evening with my husband and our guests.

Looking back on that night, I'm surprised I ever wanted to throw a dinner party again. I learned so many invaluable lessons from that gathering, the most important being to keep it simple and never take on more than I can handle.

Now, I entertain at my home all the time. I love every step of planning a dinner party, from designing the menu, to preparing the food, to getting dressed, and most of all, the actual event.

If the dinner party is a lost art in your home, try my tips to bring it back...

1. Decide how many people you can manage. Master a small group before you move on to a large crowd. I think six to eight people is a good amount of people to start.

2. Design a menu and make a grocery shopping list. No need to be too fancy with your menu - no one is expecting the French Laundry. When entertaining, it's a good idea to make dishes that you have made before and feel really comfortable preparing.

3. Set the table the night before. The day of the dinner party, you will have enough to think about with the preparation of the meal. Be creative with your table décor, using unexpected items along with flowers and unscented candles.

4. Set out all of the serving dishes and utensils you plan to use. I like to label each dish with a post-it note of what I will be using it to serve. This helps me to be more organized when serving time comes.

5. Designate time for yourself to get ready. I always allot for one hour to primp before my guests arrive. It's essential to present yourself in a stylish manner when entertaining so that you feel confident.

6. Have drinks and hors d'oeuvres ready for your guests' arrival. This is my most important tip. Make hors d'oeuvres that are completed totally in advance so that you can spend time with your guests as soon as they arrive.

7. Have fun and relax! The host sets the tone for the party.

MUSHROOM TURNOVERS RECIPE
Recipe by Sara Moulton

This is the recipe for the mushroom turnovers I made on my infamous first Thanksgiving. I wanted to make them after taking a cooking class from Sara Moulton at Gourmet magazine. They are delicious and perfect for freezing and popping in the oven when unexpected guests arrive.

4 tablespoons unsalted butter, plus 4 tablespoons
2 medium shallots, minced
10 ounces cultivated white mushrooms, finely chopped
2 teaspoons finely chopped fresh thyme, or 1 teaspoon dried
1/4 cup dry sherry
1/4 cup sour cream
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 egg, for making egg wash
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
Paprika
16 slices very fresh thinly-sliced home-style bread, crusts removed

Heat 4 tablespoons of the butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the shallots and cook, stirring often, until softened, 3 to 5 minutes. Stir in the mushrooms and cook, stirring often, until all the liquid has evaporated. Add the thyme and the sherry. Increase the heat to medium-high and cook until the mixture is almost dry. Remove the skillet from the heat. Transfer to medium bowl, cool slightly, stir in the sour cream, and season with salt, pepper, and paprika, to taste.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Melt the remaining 4 tablespoons of butter. Roll out bread between two pieces of waxed paper with a rolling pin until very thin. Brush bread on both sides with melted butter. Place 1 teaspoon of the filling in the center of each sliced. Fold making a triangle shape, trim edges. Press with your fingers to tightly seal. Brush the tops and bottoms with melted butter. Brush egg wash over tops of turnovers, sprinkle with paprika. (At this point, the turnovers can be placed in a zippered plastic freezer bag and frozen for future use.) Place on parchment lined baking sheet and bake for 15 minutes (20 to 25 minutes if taken out of the freezer). Serve warm.

Comments

[Boomerang]

How right you are, Kardwell, that "most people really undervalue the labor and love that goes into setting the stage and preparing the meal." As for the greater social life of European culture, the same goes for South America. While we were there on a corporate transfer, there was a constant round of dinner parties. And the guests gallantly thanked the hostess (who really put the labor & love into it) with flowers or chocolates--unlike the American habit of thanking only the host with a bottle of wine!

But I'm afraid dinner parties are in danger of becoming a lost art. Advertising glorifies dining out and insults the intelligence of home cooks ("It's so easy even YOU can do it!"), and there's a lot of cook-bashing about ("If she's cooking, I don't want to go.")

Let's bring back the dinner party! My tip to the cook: have a great first and last course...those are the ones they'll remember.

[Violet]

As soon as I snag myself a billionaire looking for trophy wife number four, I will take your advice. In the meantime, my guests wil have to make do with lentil stew and plonk wine in a box.

[expatsteve]

You forgot one:
8. Let them eat cake.

[abbiehoffman]

How very refreshing to find a reminder of civilized life on this political web site, in the Age of Bush! Many thanks.

[KindAndThoughtful]

Thank you for this great post. It was very interesting.

[mandycat]

Giving dinner parties isn't a lost art for some of us. Unfortunately, for a lot of other people entertaining in return is.

While I enjoy the whole process of planning, shopping, cooking and greeting, I'd enjoy being a guest once in a while.

The number of seemingly well-manned people who will happily accept invitation after invitation without a thought to reciprocating is incredible.

My new rule is two-strikes and you're out. I invite you to my home twice and after that I wait for you to invite me back, until eternity if necessary. My entertaining schedule has gotten pretty skimpy but running a high-class soup kitchen gets pretty old after a while.

[impatient]

My father used to say all of the time, "WE always have all of these people over, and they never invite us back!' Part of it was that alot of the people they invited were lazy or cheap or whatever. Not up to the task of reciprocating.

But another part of it was that my dad was not a very nice man. I suspect they did not always enjoy being invited to thse parties and probably did not want to have him in their homes.

So I have decided I give dinner parties for me---not for my guests. I enjoy cooking for people I love and enjoy, and I enjoy terrific conversation, and my friends are pretty fantastic. I would also say thinking of it as running a high class soup kitchen is an attitude that you are communicating to people---and it is probably a little off-putting.

The next time you have a dinner party, try to do as this columnist suggests. Don't let yourself get frazzled and just enjoy the time together! that's what it is all about.

[kardwell]

I share your sentiment. Over the past few years my husband and I have hosted a number of dinners where our guests (and we!)have enjoyed fantastic food, good wine, fun company, and exceedingly genteel hospitality. People may rave about what a great time they had for months to follow, but the reciprocal invitations are sparse, at best. Frankly, we used to begrudge this, but I think we both have realized the stressed-out American culture (SoCal) simply doesn't lend itself to relaxed family and social life, as does European culture. And with exception to the few friends we have who actually take he time to cook, as opposed to inviting people to meet for quick meals at overpriced restaurants, most people really undervalue the labor and love that goes into setting the stage and preparing the meal.

[pennythecat]

Nice post. Although it is great advice to stick with the dishes you know how to prepare when entertaining for a group, it is also fun and a challenge to add a new one. I tell the guests when I try something new and they enjoy the fact that I'm willing to "experiment" on them and we all get to make an assessment of the quality of the recipe and the skill in my prep.

[shecky]

I used to throw so many dinner parties - sometimes 2 a weekend...same flowers, shopping, clean-up one and set for the next, etc. - I had a note I kept on the inside of my front door...I would put it on the outside the night of the party. Anyone arriving ON TIME would read.." Come IN !! I'm in the shower, Sherry to clear the road dust is on the bar, hors d'oeuvres are on the table, see you in 15.." I learned to serve sherry before dinner parties, martinis for cocktail parties, so as not to confuse the palette or addle the brain - a cople of wines w/ dinner, and an after dinner cognac w/ coffee kept my guests at the table and the conversation flowing. I still remember, sort of, the night the paella wasn't quite ready, and, after three martinis, we forgot all about it. Serve sherry, wines, and cognac....and call cabs for anyone drifting at the end of the meal, or one car service to deliver several friends safely home...when they come back for their cars the next day, you'll have a cup of coffee, and replay the night before...Party ON.

[Ani]

Shecky ... Please tell me you hire out.

You're my guy!!!

I'll even provide a private shower for you to clean up, and so my guests can thoroughly enjoy your last-minute preparation of sherry-on-the-bar.

Nice touch.

[punsch]

Enjoyed your blog very much. I found it useful and entertainingly funny. Please do more writing.

[happyfrancis]

After years of successsful dinner parties and catering...my tip: Don't underestimate the power of having lots of alcohol. No one will care if anything goes wrong.

[starrianna]

sounds wonderful!

here in California, you will now be tried for MURDER (minimum 15+ years in prison w/o parole) if you accidentally kill someone while DUI.

your guests will absolutely LOVE you!

cheers!

[cabgx2]

Great idea. After three or four martinis the guests will have a hard time telling between meat and pototoes.

[OhPlease2007]

Ms. Lee-Joel, how wonderful it is to have you blogging at Huffington Post. -Keep up the great work!

:)

[Adirondacker]

Not much changes over the years. At least we don't have to complain about how hard it is to get good help these days, since no one has "help" anymore....
From 1922, scroll down to "How a Dinner Can be Bungled"
http://www.bartleby.com/95/14.html