Every Sunday at the conclusion of worship, we pass the peace. This isn't a paltry, limp handshake offered to the people within a pew's reach. We hug. Everyone. Every week. Some weeks this is a five-minute adventure of wandering amongst one other until everyone has their full dose of hugs. It is some students' favorite part of worship. For many, it is their only guarantee of physical contact throughout the week. And it has become a vital part of what it means to be part of the community of faith.
I've read a few articles recently emphasizing all the reasons that we should avoid physical contact at church. The short version goes something like this: If you're going to pass the peace, handshakes and fist bumps > hugs. The longer version takes seriously the reality of pain in our faith communities. We don't know each other's stories and we don't know when a hug can stir up reminders of abuse that can be further damaging to survivors. Worse yet, we don't know when someone's abuser may actually be next to them in the pew and church should not be a place that inflicts violence. The general thrust of these arguments is rooted in the assumption that we need to protect ourselves from one another. Safety first has come to mean no physical contact. Take a note from our Buddhist friends, bow to one another, offer a simple "namaste," and all will be well.
I do not want to undermine the importance of these voices. I've sat through enough Healthy Boundaries trainings, and sadly, read enough stories of the ways the church and individuals in it violate those boundaries to be convinced that this is an important issue. Having personally worked with a number of sexual assault survivors on a college campus, just being in the same room with someone who has caused harm can trigger all kinds of PTSD reactions. That kind of trauma is not one where reconciliation or healing happen overnight and forcing someone to "hug it out" is not the solution.
I firmly, firmly believe that we have a responsibility as the church to be a safe place for worshippers to gather. Child protection policies are an absolute must and training one another on how to watch for signs of abuse, when to report, and how to care for those in need is imperative. To be a community that cares for one other, we have to take our sin seriously and thus, we have to put systems in place to minimize the chance that harm is inflicted, especially upon the "least of these" and those who are less able to protect themselves. If your church doesn't have something like this in place, stop reading this article and go tend to that.
But, and you knew there was a "but" coming, I wonder at times if our protective response and stepping away from personal touch is a step too far. Hear me out while I make my case: I think church is a place where hugs should be encouraged.
I recognize my bias in this statement. I'm a hugger. I have learned (thank you Healthy Boundaries training!) to ask before I randomly hug someone. I also recognize that as a female pastor, a hug is received differently from me than it could be from a male counterpart. But it is not just my proclivity for hugs that leads me to this claim.
Healthy physical touch--human connection--is necessary for our wholeness as human beings, as creatures made in the image of God. "Physical affection can help the brain, the heart, and other body systems" according to NIH research. Studies have shown that positive contact with one's partner has measurable health benefits. Recent neuroscience research draws strong connections between regular hugs and the brain's feeling of happiness. Hugs aren't just a nice idea, they're vital to our health.
On a day at the Sisters of Charity orphanage during a mission trip to Haiti, we asked what we could do to help. The sisters asked that we simply hold and rock the babies because they needed physical love and affection. The nuns knew what research bears out: our ability to live as healthy, social adults is aided by positive touch and connection as children, even infants. I imagine if you asked any mom out there, they would say the same thing.
This scientific research also meshes well with Roger Nishioka's work on emerging ministry trends for the future church. Nishioka, Benton Family Associate Professor of Christian Education at Columbia Theological Seminary, argues that the era of high tech is also an era of high touch. He argues that though young adults are attached to their devices, it is the human connections--handcrafted goods, handwritten cards, hugs--that have deep meaning and power. Neuroscience research affirms that a text message does not have the same connective value that a hug offers. My students may rely on texts for a majority of their communication, but the hugs they share every Sunday night feed their soul.
As a campus minister, I am acutely aware of the way touch (or lack of touch) plays itself out on a college campus. From the moment a student arrives on move-in day and hugs her parents goodbye, the places where she is guaranteed to get positive touch diminish rapidly. It takes time to get to know your roommate and sharing the confined space of a dorm room with another person does not guarantee that he is going to be your friend or that she is going to care about you. Short of bumping into another person on the campus bus or running into another person at a crowded college party, students could go weeks without any kind of physical contact, let alone intentional, safe, positive touch. I worry sometimes that students are willing to "hook up" out of a yearning for some--any--human connection, even if they aren't ready for that level of physical intimacy. What results is physical contact that is harmful and destructive: the very thing we are trying to avoid.
The church has the opportunity to embrace the value of the embrace with intention and care as part of the Christian story. I am increasingly convinced that the incarnation is one of the most profound aspects of the Christian faith (and one that sets us apart from other religions). We affirm that God took on human flesh and walked among us in the person of Jesus Christ. Jesus touched the untouchable and by doing so broke down barriers that were preventing opportunities for human connection and expressions of love. By not just welcoming but embracing the little children, Jesus offers them love through the human connection found in a hug; that is a profound vision of the incarnation and one that children by their very nature understand. If a human connection with God was made possible in the person of Jesus Christ, why should our churches not be a place where the incarnation is made know through loving connection with one another?
So get your child protection policies in place. Learn to ask permission. But don't be afraid of the hug. Your body, mind, and soul need it.