Oh please, girl.
Please stop pretending like you are a virtuous automaton.
Like your purpose in life is to accomplish to-do lists and eat reasonable portions of "healthy" foods and be nice to everyone.
Like you don't have swirling dark messy juiciness inside of you.
Is that what you want? To spend the next twenty years doing to-do list after to-do list and eating pre-portioned meal after pre-portioned meal?
To feel like you are doing things as you absolutely "should"?
And yes, I know that there is a part of you that does want that. After all, you are so good! So nice! You do such good work and you care about everyone! And doing things precisely "right" is so satisfying and means that you never get in trouble.
I know that because I've been there.
But in the bigger sense: what is your life about?
Is it, just maybe, about feeling like the most vibrant, alive, genuine version of yourself?
Is it, just maybe, about being a bit more mushy?
Is it, just maybe, about being a bit more explosive?
Is it, just maybe, about being a bit more you?
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And will you find more "you-ness" in losing 3.5 pounds and fitting perfectly into those jeans?
Or is it somewhere else?
Somewhere more mysterious?
Somewhere more messy and chaotic and exciting and creative and alive?
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Losing weight and being yourself aren't mutually exclusive. But sometimes in the obsession with weight loss, we lose touch with our messy, wild, weird, mushy, mysterious selves. We smooth out all of our spikes and push down all of the voices and whispers and cries and deepest yearnings from inside.
And I don't want that for any of us.
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Katie spent years "planning" her eating and being frustrated with herself when she ruined her plans by eating too much. She eventually discovered how to trust herself around food -- read more about her story here, or get her free ebook.
If you're struggling with an eating disorder, call the National Eating Disorder Association hotline at 1-800-931-2237.