How does someone go from crippling social anxiety and lonely Friday nights to becoming an active part of a community and inventing a game to help people from all over the world beat social anxiety?
I want to share a true, remarkable story about Jason Comely, a man who beat his social anxiety by getting rejected on purpose... over and over again.
If you're interested in hearing the whole story, click here for my 1-1 interview with him.
Today I want to share six of the best takeaways from Jason's transformation story along with actionable tips you can use to beat ANY fear you're facing in your life.
1. Use "small wins" to propel your success
Small wins are met by setting "micro goals." Using small wins helps you build momentum and motivation so you can build upon each of the small achievements and start creating larger goals for yourself.
Jason was terrified of getting rejected but knew the only way to get over this was to turn it into a game. He started off by asking for small favors like a piece of gum or handing out a flyer and then he made his asks even bigger and more audacious.
Starting off small gave him confidence to begin asking for medium and larger sized asks to achieve his ultimate goal of rejection.
Small wins can be attained by setting micro-goals. They must be:
- Specific
- Have a deadline
- Have a small reward tied to the action (not the result)
How to get started:
Come up with one or two micro goals that you can achieve in the next 10 days. Write them down and be specific. Make them achievable, specific, set a deadline and have a small reward tied to the action itself rather than the result.
2. Get to your "aha moment"
Have you taken the time to reflect lately? I know this sounds really cheesy, but it's so necessary. Jason credits self-reflection when he talks about finding his "aha moment." We always seem to have the music or TV going to distract us and we fail to ask ourselves simple questions that can change our lives.
The questions we ask ourselves shape our lives. If you ask yourself questions that are based in fear you will be afraid. If you ask yourself empowering questions that help you take action, you will be able to make great change.
How to get started:
Just spend 10 minutes this week to write out some answers to these questions:
- What are you afraid of?
- What is the biggest "problem" in your life?
- How can you start taking action NOW?
If you haven't done this exercise before, I can guarantee your answers will surprise you.
3. Get over being "weird"
My favorite story Jason shared was the one time he started feeling uncomfortable at a social gathering. He started feeling out of place, but immediately reminded himself to "be the weirdest person in the room." As soon as he thought that, a funny looking man walks into the room... dressed as a pirate! This immediately put his mind at ease and gave him a good laugh.
Although you may not have a funny looking pirate to cheer up your next social event, this story reminds us of the importance of being you. Be weird and enjoy it!
How to get started:
The first thing you need to do is identify your cues. What types of things make you feel uncomfortable or insecure? Is it when you break the ice with a stranger or when you don't know anyone at a party?
Once you know the types of cues that make you uncomfortable, you can then channel the mantra "be the weirdest person in the room." To make it even easier, think of a funny looking pirate to remind you!
4. Stop being selfish
When Jason looks back on how much he struggled with socializing and fear of rejection he wished that he was more focused on helping others rather than getting caught up in his own issues.
He talked about the importance of empathizing with other people and becoming more concerned with making them feel comfortable. This helps you get out of your own head and makes you a much more enjoyable conversation partner by being engaged.
How to get started:
If you struggle with social skills, you know that you're constantly wondering how people are judging you. But if you put yourself aside for a moment and make the other person feel comfortable, it will help quiet your inner voice and make the other person feel important.
5. Transform your story
Like many people who struggle with fear of socializing, Jason dealt a lot with negative self-talk. He now finds solace by being in peace, meditating and lessening unnecessary distractions in his life.
He challenges us to just take one day to stop the negative self-talk, stop the stories.
At the end of the day, reflect and see how your day was different.
How to get started:
See here for a full primer on developing positive mental habits.
6. Create super meaning (and visit a dangerous country?!)
Jason visited the most dangerous country in the world at the time, Guatemala, all because he thought he could help and inspire other people.
He found himself speaking at a pretty posh event with VIP service, but that would've never gotten him there. The reason he decided to make the trip in the first place is because he truly thought he could help entrepreneurs in a third world country.
Jason chose to find meaning in his life and found it in serving other people.
If Jason did it, so can you.
How to take action:
Can you identify something meaningful in your life that would motivate you to improve your social confidence or attractiveness? Let something important drive and motivate you to change.
Conclusion
When we find people who excel or get over really challenging obstacles it's important to identify some of the things they did so we can replicate them for our own success. Jason was so kind in sharing his story with me.
If you want to tackle your social fears and anxiety, visit my site and get a free video mini-course called: Crush your Inner Critic & Have Charismatic Conversations.