THE BLOG
05/07/2013 01:50 pm ET | Updated Jul 07, 2013

Parenting: What No One Tells You

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When you're pregnant, it seems there are universal "warnings" every experienced parent feels the need to share: "sleep now because you'll never sleep again" is probably the biggest one I heard from people. But what about the things no one warns you about? At least no one warned me anyway!

1. Your first internal exam will hurt like a mother.

2. Your sex drive will go from one of an 18-year-old boy to you-want-to-put-what-where?

3. Once little one starts sleeping longer at night, you still won't sleep. Because you'll constantly be checking that he or she is breathing.

4. Your baby will fight sleep, despite being exhausted. Instead of falling asleep, your little one will scream like someone just ripped his or her limbs off.

5. You NEED a glider or rocking chair in every room of your house. Be prepared to spend most of your day in it.

6. Showers are a luxury. Get one when you can.

7. Babies without teeth still "bite." Their gums are hard. They like to do this while breastfeeding.

8. You'll eat most meals over your little one's head while he or she is breastfeeding. And you will undoubtedly drop food on his or her head, butt, face, in the ear, etc.

9. Even sound asleep, they can smell you walk into the room. And will wake up.

10. Midnight to 2:00 a.m. is the perfect playtime. Come on mom, I'm smiling! Play with me!

11. Stop signs and lights are the devil. It's like the movie Speed; you must keep moving at or above a certain speed or risk hearing that limb-ripping screaming.

12. Everyone has an opinion on how to raise your child. And, you're inevitably doing it all wrong according to them.

13. Your child will look adorable in cute outfits every day. Most days, you won't manage to get a shirt on yourself, much less brush your hair or teeth.

14. You will question your own beliefs once its your own child they apply to (vaccines, co-sleeping, etc)

15. You will disagree with your partner over what's best for your child sometimes.

16. Strangers will try to touch your child. And you won't feel rude at all telling them to step back.

17. If you're breastfeeding, you will learn to feel comfortable whipping it out anywhere.

18. You will play a game called "what color is the poopy in your diaper today?" And you'll actually be curious to see.

19. The first two to three weeks are horrible. But it's not PC to admit that. And then, overnight, it suddenly just gets better.

20. Not all baby clothes are cute. And people will buy you some of the ugliest things you've ever seen. And they will not give a gift receipt. The store you try to return it to will offer you a penny.

21. Your relationship with your in-laws will change. Setting boundaries can be hard on a relationship.

22. Breastmilk heals everything. You will squirt it in your child's eye. On purpose.

23. Leaking is real. You will squirt milk in your child's eye. On accident.

24. As soon as you start a breastfeeding session, someone will knock at your door. Incessantly.

25. You will be filled with so much love for this little person you barely know that you'll feel like you may explode.