Have you ever felt unappreciated because someone didn't notice something special you did? Or -- even worse -- your kind gesture backfires, and not only do they not appreciate it -- they are actually mad at you! This comes up frequently with our coaching clients, and we experience it with each other as well. One of us will do something we feel really good about, and then the other one will walk right by it a million times, and not even realize it's there. We could point it out, but we really don't want to. It wouldn't be the same. We want to get the credit, but we don't want to have to fish for it.
As much as the two of us share in common in terms of values and lifestyle, we have learned that when it comes to the little things, what's important to one of us is rarely important to -- or even noticed by -- the other. And even when we do make a mental note of something that seems important to our spouse, we often end up discovering that our understanding of it was crude, at best, when our attempts at special surprises elicit a reaction that is the complete polar opposite of what we expected.
The other day, Keith had a great idea. He said, "If you want a man to notice something, put boobs on it!"
So, ladies, there's your answer. Just get a big stack of Post-It notes, draw a pair on each one, and then stick them on anything you want him to be aware of. This may seem like a totally sexist plan (and heterosexist, at that) but it can actually be adapted for any relationship. Just find the thing the other person is most likely to notice, and create a reasonable facsimile. If you want your teenager to take out the trash without even having to be asked, just cut out a picture of his or her favorite celebrity, clothing or automobile, and tape it to the bottom of the can. If your wife is motivated by expensive jewelry, you might try getting a glue gun and decorating the television frame with rhinestones and sequins right before football season, so you'll have her full support.
Of course, we're just having a bit of fun here, but the idea is to start seeing things from the other person's perspective. With a little creativity, you and your loved ones just might be able to turn around your biggest frustrations and leave everyone feeling a little more appreciated for the little things they do.
Many Blessings,
Keith and Maura
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